Questioning gender

[slate sluice]

I dont know what I am, I was born male, but in the past year have been drawn to more things of the opposite gender. I want to wear feminine clothes, look more feminine, etc. But at the same time, im completely happy with where I am save for a few things that I despise about my body.

[whole saddle]

Do you feel like a female sometimes, but not others?

[normal rampart]

I have the same problem so I’m just here to observe

[slate sluice]

Usually I honestly dont know how i feel, but there have definitely been times ive felt like a female.

[slate sluice]

And when I do feel especially masculine, I very rarely enjoy it

[slate sluice]

Im just trying to figure stuff out y'know?

[normal rampart]

Ye

[slate sluice]

may i ask when? like are there specific times when that feeling is strongest?

[normal rampart]

Depends on my thought process or mood that day I’m as clueless as you here

[slate sluice]

sigh... two peas in a pod we are

[normal rampart]

That’s why I’m here

[slate sluice]

same...

[normal rampart]

Same…

[normal rampart]

Hamburger

[slate sluice]

indeed

[slate sluice]

so, what made you start questioning then?

[normal rampart]

Realized it wasn’t normal to want to be the other gender after watching a video essay

[slate sluice]

oof. I realized wanting to be rid of certain body parts wasnt normal after a quick lesson on "tucking" from my friend

[normal rampart]

Ok

[normal rampart]

Yeah dressing more feminine was more the thing that made me question

[slate sluice]

then realized I really liked wearing feminine stuff, and acting more like a girl

[normal rampart]

Have you tried she/her pronouns that was a helpful step for me

[slate sluice]

I did at one point. It felt good at first, but slowly started to feel less so. but that may just be because i started to feel less safe using them where I live

right now im just seeing how I feel about different pronouns

[normal rampart]

Ok I recently started on discord and it’s been good for me so far

[normal rampart]

Yeah that’s a good idea

[slate sluice]

Im going to be playing a female dnd character in my upcoming campaign, so im going to see how that feels

[normal rampart]

Nice dnd sounds fun

Im a gamer so using female avatars help for me

[slate sluice]

yeah, i recently started using female avatars more and more

[normal rampart]

Yeah I tend to find those helpful for dysphoria

By the way can I dm you

[slate sluice]

sure!

[whole saddle]

Do you want to have a gender?

[slate sluice]

I dont know

[slate sluice]

I think so?

[slate sluice]

Sometimes im content with just being me. but i'm not necceasarily sure if thats what I want

[whole saddle]

What about neopronouns?

[slate sluice]

I dont know how I feel about those. I cant lie, they kinda dont make sense to me in the slightest.

[whole saddle]

That's fine!

You don't... actually have to have a gender.

You don't have to transition if you don't feel comfortable doing so.

Maybe you could try it, if you really want to?

[wicked isle]

Some things I think you should research (as it is generally better to get the full picture of it- and most of them I'm not sure of the answers myself)
...would be a chunk of the different pronouns, more than just she/her they/them he/him and how you can mix them like she/they, he/they, e.t.c. right
and then also researching what it means to be non binary (enby is the shorthand form i think), trans-femminine/female (transfem), genderfliud, bigender and similar things to that.
Seeing those could help you decide on if you're any of those, and also if you're not any of those! Its 100% okay either way, all it is, is a process of figuring out what fits best for you and learning about all the many different pronouns and genders (including non-genders) there are!
Oh and I can't forget... unlabelled is yet another label... I think you should research what it means to be unlabelled as well. I was once unlabelled for a period of time before coming to the realisation that I'm transfem.
Another thing you could look at, perhaps at a later date after figuring out what your gender is (or lack thereov), would be names, if you feel uncomfortable with your current name. And a great place to test out names is online (here is always a safe place), in games, e.t.c!

Sorry about it being so long... but I hope it helps you in figuring out who you are!

[slate sluice]

Thanks

[slate sluice]

I already did once technically, and I thought i was happy, but then I wasn't and im not sure if its because I didnt want to transition in the first place or something else

[slate sluice]

Im going to do a little experiment on halloween. Im going to wear a maid outfit to school, maybe that will help me see how i feel when presenting feminine in public without the judgement. Also simply because I just want to wear a maid outfit.

[wicked isle]

sounds great!
I would recommend trying one thing (like a name, or a set of pronouns) with some close friends or people in your life for about 2 weeks and see how you feel about it!
It can help to you differentiate circumstances and the actual change itself :).

I wish you luck, and hope that you figure it out :3

[slate sluice]

I think things are definitely getting worse. Like im starting to feel more negatively about my gender every single day.

[slate sluice]

I also want to wear more feminine clothes more and more

[whole saddle]

Then do it.

What's stopping you?

Other's opinions?

[slate sluice]

Yeah pretty much.

[whole saddle]

Who are these 'others'?

Are they people who love and support you?

Or just some random strangers in public?

Are they fake friends?

Or just judgemental?

Obviously, being happy and confident isn't as easy as it sounds.

Hell, I've still got social axiety to this day.

But it starts with doing what you want, by yourself.

Then with someone you can trust.

You just have to build up that confidence.

[slate sluice]

Oh im already doing this

[whole saddle]

Which brings us to the next step.

[slate sluice]

Yeah I really just want to wear a skirt or something like... around the house

[slate sluice]

okay so... um... how do i put this... i sometimes like to pretend I have breasts? like i wear bras then stuff socks in them.

and obviously that isnt normal, but to what ends? like what kind of people do that? is that something that feminine guys do? or is that taking it a step further