I think I might be Trans...

[cinder dove]

For most of my life I've been confused about my gender also. Although never this confused ever before. Just need some insight on this...

[tulip tangle]

Hmm

[lofty pollen]

I‘ll just ask the typical question: if you had a button that made you turn into a female, with everyone always having known you as one, would you press it?

[plucky latch]

It's reasonable to think that way and it's ok to be who u are and who ever u want to be ok?

[dusk wing]

Yeah I would say its reasonable

[rigid garden]

discovering you true identity might be a hard task, so try not to worry. i spent 2 years trying to figure out if i was transmasc or not and i had all sorts of doubts. my recommendation is to try to keep it easy. writing about it also helped me notice that my feelings towards my gender (more specifically dysphoric ones) were almost always on my mind.

there are also some hypothetical experiments that might help, let me see if i can find them

oh, i can't send links

that's fine, you can just look for "The Button Test: How A Button Press Helps Trans People Find Themselves"

[dusk wing]

Trying out girl's clothes(think dresses) helped me a lot, trans girl here. It was a thing for me of, lets see how that feels. I couldnt tell you how it might feel but it also cant hurt you either

[cinder dove]

I tried it and I love it :D

THANK YOUUUUUU

[dusk wing]

Good for you girl

[dusk wing]

Girl if you loved it, try other clothes, out of curiousity, what thing did you try?

Like a dress, skirt, something else?

[cinder dove]

A few skirts, some make up, a few crop tops, and can't rlly remember the rest? I can check if you want though :D

[dusk wing]

Makeup i am jealous girl

Did you try the good old skirt twirling

[cinder dove]

Ofc 😭

[dusk wing]

Okay good, I was only gonna say if you didnt you really ought to

Its so nice

[cinder dove]

It really fitted me though :D

I liked it especially going with some of my closer friends

[dusk wing]

Good going girl, i have yet to get a skirt but love dresses

They fit me so well

[cinder dove]

I should try a dress some time

[dusk wing]

Its well worth

[cinder dove]

Just ran out of time that's why I didn't try some on 😭

[dusk wing]

You should go for it

[cinder dove]

I 100% will next time I go out shopping

[dusk wing]

I am just looking for a right size top to work with skirts

[cinder dove]

I found that a little annoying too since it was my first time and all

[dusk wing]

Yeah what you are supposed to do first

Measure your natural waist, hips, and chest for circumference

For sizing checks

[cinder dove]

Ahhh okay that makes a lot more sense

[dusk wing]

Dont worry i didnt know i was supposed to go do that the first time I put a dress on either

[cinder dove]

Thank god I can relate to someone 😭

[dusk wing]

Yeah, it isnt intuitive, nobody really told me i had to do that

But, if you do it right, it does actually work

[cinder dove]

I'll get everything checked out today in prep for next time

[dusk wing]

Its not too hard, I personally found wikihow to have good diagrams for this

It did take a few tries and you need a flexible tape measure

[cinder dove]

Ohh okay so it's pretty easy as long as you follow a guide

[dusk wing]

Would reccomend you write the results down so you dont have to do that again

[dusk wing]

Yeah no its not too bad physically, for me it did feel really degrading but a required evil

[cinder dove]

Oh god now I'm sorta scared to see my measurements 🙏

[dusk wing]

I believe in you girl

[cinder dove]

Thank youuuu :DDDD

[dusk wing]

I assume you felt really fuzzy in the skirt, like in your stomach?

At least, thats how gender euphoria feels for me

[cinder dove]

Gender euphoria?

[cinder dove]

Also yes I did feel exactly like that

[dusk wing]

Its kind of like, your a girl right?

[cinder dove]

Yep!

[dusk wing]

Well, you feel happy when you do things other girls also do

Its, hard to really explain

[cinder dove]

And that's why we've got trans youtubers :D

I'll just do a little search no buggy

[dusk wing]

But its because of you being girl and then doing girl things

[dusk wing]

It just feels right and then I feel really happy and relaxed

For, lack of a better term

[cinder dove]

AHHA I get it now

I'm a LEARNINGGGG

This actually really helped

Do you have any other tips like on what I should do next? Because I only started doing this stuff like a few days ago 😭

And I am so confused

[dusk wing]

If you havent

Whack the leg hair, it feels a lot better, least for me, I cant speak for you there though

[cinder dove]

I thought that was normal for guys also? Not just females, because I've been doing that for agesssss

Even when I didn't feel this way about myself

[dusk wing]

Maybe thats just a thing where i personally live, because here its absolutely a gendered activity

[cinder dove]

Huh... Weird I just thought it was a normally thing among most people

[dusk wing]

Nope, maybe its normal where you live but where i live its highly gendered to shave your legs

Just a culture thing I guess

[cinder dove]

Yeah guess so

[dusk wing]

I mean hey, if you already shave your legs as is, no problems there, I just kind of assumed the same gendered views as here were over there

[cinder dove]

If you don't mind me asking have you came out to anyone in your open circle of family, or like friends?

[dusk wing]

Just my sister and a few friends

[cinder dove]

Because I've told like 3 of my closests male & female friends but not anyone else

[dusk wing]

My sister doesnt get it at all and thinks I am confused

Which hurts a lot

[cinder dove]

I'm sorry about that :(

[dusk wing]

Otherwise, been overall positive regarding telling close friends even if they cant totally get it

[cinder dove]

That's reassuring to hear actually

[dusk wing]

Since being trans is well, felt, you cant fully understand without being it

At least thats what I have personally found

[cinder dove]

Yeah I could see how people could be confused about transgendered people

[dusk wing]

Yeah its, quite a state of being

Its such a blessing to know, because once you know know, it never leaves, heard an analogy where its like an egg cracking, once you know its impossible to go back

[cinder dove]

That's actually really accurate, perfect for how I feel and I'm assuming you do also

[dusk wing]

This is how i feel yes

No chance I could go back, it would torment me to even try

[cinder dove]

I genuinely think that too, I feel comftable, and just finally me after all these years

[dusk wing]

Plus I feel so much better after figuring out and actually being willing to move to affirm my gender

[dusk wing]

This, exactly the same

Its like some sort of veils gone

I feel more, real and so much less detached from the world in general

[cinder dove]

You've finally opened up your eyes it's sort of like that

[cinder dove]

100% agreed

Although I've only techniquely "Came out" as trans a few days ago, I feel it suits and this community has helped so much

Especially you, thanks to you I've actually been able to take that step.

[dusk wing]

Yeah at least for me

Throwing on a dress really started it for me

[cinder dove]

I must admit though putting on one of those tank tops really did feel weird and out of body

Sine it's a whole new thing It just fealt weird yet nice

[dusk wing]

Yeah I need to do that myself

[cinder dove]

Highly suggest it no matter how you look

You'll feel so much more opennnnn

[dusk wing]

Of course girl, all I did was suggest what gave me the euphoria, yes, I think you feel it because you litterally feel it the same physical way i do

Getting really warm with a fuzzy feel in your stomach

[cinder dove]

Yessssss that's exactly it :DDDD

[dusk wing]

Its one of the best feelings in the world

[cinder dove]

It's like for once you can be yourself after so many years of being unsure

[dusk wing]

Yeah, exactly

[cinder dove]

I've gtg for a few hours but seriously thank you for this it has truely been helpful

Thank you girly :3

[dusk wing]

Of course girl, if you want to keep talking I am around

[cinder dove]

Love youuuuuuu girlyyyyyy :D

[dusk wing]

Later though, you did say you got stuff to go, go getem girl

Thanks girl

[dusk wing]

Oh another really fulfilling thing, just, think of yourself as a girl

100% of the time, makes me a lot happier

[cinder dove]

Already do :3

I don't have to think if that's what I am

[dusk wing]

Yeah it just feels really nice

[dusk wing]

Poor wording my part, its partly based on how I form thoughts though, basically I mean mentally refering to myself as a girl

In the internal dialogue

[cinder dove]

No! It's all goods

Not your fault at all

[dusk wing]

Thanks girl

[cinder dove]

Thanks to us both :D

[dusk wing]

True that, but yeah being a girl is complicated

Theres all sorts of new things I wanna do, like makeup and having long hair and girl talk

And generally just being feminine all the time

[cinder dove]

It feels like a chameleon trying to blend in with other colors sometimes

[dusk wing]

Yeah, thats the boymoding for you

[cinder dove]

Oh believe me same here

[dusk wing]

This ones really hard honestly, I dont even know how to remotely do this

[cinder dove]

Like I want to dress up, go outside with how I feel commutable but so hard to do without people staring or just being not approved of

[dusk wing]

I want to but dont know how at all and I know it

[cinder dove]

Me neither 😭

[dusk wing]

Yeah thats the same here, I havent gone out dressed up and pretty but I dont wanna be stared at for being a crossdressing dude I wanna be treated as a girl

[cinder dove]

It's so fucking hard too do so without being looked at and being judged for being how YOU want to be

Just also being self conscious about it to just hurts

[dusk wing]

Being flat hurts girl

It bothers me personally a lot

[cinder dove]

Genuinely

[dusk wing]

Yes, it sucks, its really painful

[cinder dove]

I'd just try to wear baggy clothes to hide the fact I'm flat 😭

[dusk wing]

Like now I have a good few body insecurities relating to not looking female enough

Which hurts

[cinder dove]

With everything in life there's always going to be some downsides, even to the littlest actions

It's annoying

Wish it wasn't like that but it is

[dusk wing]

Is what it is really, I would rather know I am a girl than keep trying to push it away in one form or another

[cinder dove]

Mhm I feel you girl :(

Even online in most servers I can't truly express myself as a girl because I get called "Weird" or other hurtful things

Hell even coming out as Bi openly is hurting

[dusk wing]

Ouch, I feel that

Though I am not bi personally

[cinder dove]

Can't even support others about it either :(

[cinder dove]

Thanks girly

[dusk wing]

Yeah that part also hurts

[dusk wing]

Of course girly, we both get it as trans girls

[cinder dove]

Sadly we both do :(

[dusk wing]

Yep

Its painful but also very fufilling and freeing

[cinder dove]

Like on one hand I can finally be myself but only around myself and some friends

Not technically "open" if you ask me

[dusk wing]

Its not really open fully

Being able to just, be a girl that public people dont give issues about just being a girl is kind of the main personal trans goal here

[cinder dove]

I mean as soon as I get the chance to live on my own or with roomates I'm 100% going to be more open about my true self

[cinder dove]

I think that's the same for mostly everyone knowadays

Although I could be wrong, It just feels like a lot of trans people Ik online especially haven't been able to come out

[dusk wing]

I got a bit more time before that, I am really hoping to get on hrt around that time, if not a wee bit earlier

[dusk wing]

Coming out is hard, I get it, but not coming out for me hurts a lot also since it means boymoding, and I really do not like boymoding

[cinder dove]

What's boymoding? Just like hiding yourself quietly making changes to youself as a trans girl?

[dusk wing]

I had to come out to my sister in a dress and it took like an hour on its own, I was terrified

[dusk wing]

Boymoding is well, for me, do little, and continue to publically present as a boy

[cinder dove]

It took me over a year before I even knew I was trans thanks to everyone in here, and I only told my friends I thought I was trans a few days ago

[dusk wing]

Even though I want to just, pass and do things in dresses

[cinder dove]

OOOhhhh so like what I'm doing

[dusk wing]

Most likely yes

[cinder dove]

Awh :(

Well just give it two more years or even sooner then I finally get to leave this stupid household and then I can finally be myself

[dusk wing]

I am doing stuff in private and outside of the house i live in but I cant just fully switch over

[cinder dove]

We're very simular in that matter

[dusk wing]

Yeah thats about the same here, but earlier thank god

[cinder dove]

Lucky girl

[dusk wing]

Yeah no you remind me, of me

In a lot of ways

[cinder dove]

We're kind of one in the same, you're just more experienced clearly

[dusk wing]

Minus being bi which is valid but not something I have

[cinder dove]

I like pepsi and cola you could say

[dusk wing]

Probably because trying a dress wasnt my first time messing around with these questions

It took me like, 2-3 months to figure out I am trans from when it started with, I think a bad joke of all things relating to crossdressing

All I did was litterally, try anything and everything I could think up that caused the fuzzy feeling

[cinder dove]

Once you try it for the first time it's sort of hard to stop, you just get such a weird and fuzzy feeling inside

[dusk wing]

And just follow that to the natural conclusion, since every time I do and did girly things it happens/ed

[cinder dove]

Mhmmmmm

[dusk wing]

Yeah its one of the best feelings in the world

Caused some very wild nights a few times

[cinder dove]

Since I last tried on a few girl clothes It has been a roller coaster of needs and emotions

It's like I'm craving for it again

[cinder dove]

Just like you said, It has caused some pretty weird nights for me also

[dusk wing]

Yeah the new needs and emotions are, a lot

[dusk wing]

For me it was a lot of going outside at like 2 in the morning and just twirling around a dress

[cinder dove]

Might go try on some girly clothes later on today :3 The girl inside me is SCREAMING for it

[cinder dove]

I should indeed try that

[dusk wing]

Not getting out of boymode now makes me actively deflated

[cinder dove]

Like a balloon

[dusk wing]

Sort of

[cinder dove]

Yeahhhhh

[dusk wing]

I need to start working on my girl voice

Voice training, thats gonna be, a process

[cinder dove]

I completely forgot about that part

[dusk wing]

To say the least

[cinder dove]

There a multitude of video's online I'm gonna try from trans youtubers

They're just so helpful I HOPEEEE

[dusk wing]

Yeah same here, trans reddit threads and trans youtube also helped a lot in figuring out im trans

Because a lot of it clicked with me

Yeah, mtf is actually a subreddit

[cinder dove]

Oh that's interesting

Actually helpful information thanks

[dusk wing]

Of course girl

[cinder dove]

I've gotta go offline once again :( Going to do some garden work with my dad, he's telling me to "Man Up"

Genuinely so funny

[dusk wing]

Man up, "fun" phrase

More like girl up at this point really

[cinder dove]

Oh he's gonna go ballistic when I come out in a few years or so

[cinder dove]

Honestly 🙏

[dusk wing]

Let him, about same here I expect from mine

[cinder dove]

Do you also have very christen parents?

[dusk wing]

I mean, he doesnt practice

Was raised catholic but seems to be an atheist?

[cinder dove]

Oh interesting

[dusk wing]

Mum is out of the picture

[cinder dove]

Lucky you girly

[dusk wing]

And the stepmum can go and stick her head into a rock for all I care, no love for her

She isnt dead

I just dont live with her, or see her much, she is alive though

[cinder dove]

OOohhh

Sorry for assuming

[dusk wing]

Its fine girl

[cinder dove]

Believe my Ik all too well about that

Anyways I seriously gtg now I'ma bouta get my ass beaten If I don't 😭

Cya girly :D

[dusk wing]

Okay go grow some plants girl

[cinder dove]

I can't even express myself in here anymore

My straight friend just joined and I'm worried he's gonna find out I'm this

I just can't do this anymore

[dusk wing]

Girl if he is any amount of a good friend he will just accept it

Why would he be on an lgbt community if he wasnt accepting? Also half decent humans dont out friends

Yeah that is kind of a common concern honestly, its depressing

But if you know your trans at this point, its not possible for it to go away

Yeah thats gonna hurt, a lot

Thats pretty much the same here

Hiding hurts a lot