Internship 💔

[zenith pawn]

Hi, so, I'm having internship soon that requires me to move to a campus they have (cuz it's like a special initiative for disabled people, with multiple groups and stuff for specialized needs or acommodation) and I have the problem that, while I'm out and my name change is in progress that I feel like it's not going to be respected and I'm kinda anxious about it :(

Like, I'm transmasc/trans male (putting a / because it's been more fluid due to personal stuff 💔) and one thing I keep hearing from my mom for example is that I can't possibly identify as male/masc presenting/ that nobody will respect me because I wear dresses (or feminine underwear) sometimes (which is really stupid but the way she keeps mentioning it and the way she says things actually upset me so much) and honestly, I don't even want to do that, but it's literally the only stuff that will fit me comfortably (because I'm pre-transition with HRT and surgery etc) which means I often wear stuff like bra's or feminine clothes mainly almost only at home or for short trips somewhere because it's just more comfortable with my sensory issues and stuff like that (and I kind of lost the only binder that actually fit me right and that I felt comfortable in... and tape is way too expensive ) and I'm genuinely worried that that'll affect ppl's respect for me in that internship (especially because my name change can only be finalised a month into the internship, which shouldn't really matter because the case workers I have are very accepting etc)

So yeah, idk what i'm trying to say with this post, but if anyone has like- tips on how to make being masc actually more comfortable (for example clothes that actually fit fem bodies) that'd be greatly appreciated 😭 I managed to dress masc for the initial appointment but it was 30 degrees and I wore a hoodie and thick jeans which I rlly don't wanna do in summer...

[devout zinc]

Sounds more like a superstitious natter about how bad the world is and blah blah blah... Your mother may think that by sheltering you from making your decisions, she's helping to save you from the outside world, but in reality, NO!

They don't deserve the opportunity to shape you past employee of the year, and into your personal life. You are you, and not who some dill-weed pictures you should be.

The key to being masculine or even feminine... Is to just not care what dear ol' mom or dad say you should veer from. Margaritas and Daiquiris have only hurt me in the loosey-goosey sense. Not in the fragile masculinity. Worrying about fruity drinks, games I play, drinkin beer to look cool before riding a Harley down the highway... stuff like that ain't me... if I made it me to be a man, that's just cowardice.

So as a guy, all I can really say is to not be THAT TYPE of coward.

[zenith pawn]

I agree, my mother just makes me doubt a lot about myself regarding this because like I said the way she says things is actually so ass 💔 but she also told me I should forcibly out myself to the ppl I will be living with in the group home/campus and when I told her that I didn't want to do that she kept arguing with me and I kinda get where she's coming from, but it still sucks so bad because I literally cannot change it 😭

[zenith pawn]

That's true

I'd say I'm already very open with myself and don't really care, but then again, it does make me somehow anxious because in a way, I do wanna present much more masc than I do sometimes now, if it only were more accessable (I'm very short so clothes will never fit no matter what, even feminine clothes but they do fit better than others)

[devout zinc]

I get that. My mom is also on that spectrum of "I want to help, but I'm not that educated."

She even tried to get me to interview as a staff member of my old high-school. That was the day I shut down that idea and came out. she had a LOT of issues getting on the same page as me. "So you like female presenting people... They won't care about that. you're fine."

Here we have someone trying to push conformity. "Just smile and wave. Nobody has to know that about you."

Both instances, there is the very real chance that the environment you join into is one where people will have unfavorable views that cause dismay.

Both instances, you have the right group of people. Those who would gut punch anyone who says you're some low life for choosing not to cower to the world, even as it's like this.

[zenith pawn]

Mhm, surprisingly, I don't think the environment I'll be moving to will be unaccepting perse, I'm just scared that if my parents are around or somebody I know that their word counts more than mine and suddenly I'm back to everyone calling me a name that isn't mine (as an example)

but I appreciate your insight, it really helps! :]

[devout zinc]

If you have enough faith in people to rip that band-aid off, that's not naivete, that's just temerity. I wish you the best. It's what you deserve.

[zenith pawn]

Thank you! I hope you have a good week ahead of you