I really don't think I'm gonna make it to adulthood. I lowkey dont want to make it to adulthood. I'm really just not fucking wanted here, and from what I see in the world and the people who get power, get their voices heard, I don't want to be here with them either! I'm just hated by default because of who I am, that I am proud of who I am, that I know who I am. I have to deal with nearly every form of fucking discrimination possible. Racism, homophobia, sexism, transphobia, people constantly throw slurs at me, tell me I shouldn't have rights, tell me I should straight up drop dead. I wish I had the power to do anything to help myself. I don't have support from anyone I know in real life or anyone I will ever be able to encounter in real life. I can't stand up for myself at all because my dumbass shitty body is so fucking weak. I can't handle confrontation without immediately folding or crying. I'm not strong in any capacity, most damage I'd be able to do would be through biting, cause my teeth are sharp, and would be able to make up for my weakness. I just have to keep taking everything everybody throws my way because I'm too physically weak to do anything about it. I have to take abuse from just about fucking everyone in my life. I deadass can't fucking trust anyone with anything. I hate everyone around me. I hate the body I was born in. The only sense of relief I can ever fucking get is through seeing people online who aren't evil. Who are able to stand up for our communities. But I'll never be able to see that in real life. I have only ever seen and likely will only ever see hate. I want to move on. I want to return my body to the soil. I used to be scared of the potential of nothingness after death, but now I'd rather have that after this. But if all those awful hate-based religions that all the evil pieces of shit around me follow are true, I'll just be tortured for eternity. I can't even have release in death. My entire existence is meant to be hell.
#Well shit guys
tardy vine
This is probably just going to be a last little thing I put out so I can at least say people have heard what I have to say. I'm not going to die immediately. I'm too scared of the pain to do that. I'll likely never make it past a year after this, though.
And yeah, I've already came out to the people close to me, though I think that literally eliminated anyone's chances of holding any kind of place special to me, because literally nobody listened to me asking for them to use my name or my pronouns. Only one person did, my absolute closest friend.
I just cant stand any of this anymore, though. I don't think even he can bring me out of this one.
tardy vine
well i uh- im turning off the computer now. i might die tonight. we'll see.
graceful quartz
well i uh- im turning off the computer now. i might die tonight. we'll see.
Please don't!
I have been through hard times like this. What did I do? I just watched life go by. I just lived. No soul purpose. I was just there. Days and days, until something happend and I had something to do. Something to life for. Just stay, even if you have nothing. Just stay
tardy vine
well i didnt, i didnt have a way to that wouldn't hurt extremely bad, and like i said, too scared to to that
but nah i've been "just watching life go by" for basically my whole fuckin life
i've never had a purpose that would've actually been fufilled
there's no point to this shit anymore
i don't want to wait for something to happen
it just gets worse from this point on