worn wren
I used to go to a horrible homophobic school, the administration was bullshit and did nothing. I've had unmedicated depression for years because of it, to the point where people with experience inside of psych wards tell the that I'm the "Most suicidal and obsessed with dead person they know"
I went to get help. The hospitals here just let you fucking leave if you dont actually hurt yourself. Now, sitting here two weeks later, I have fresh cut wounds, and have significantly punched myself over and over and over.
I show up to school every day. Every. Fucking. Day. It doesn't matter if I flipped a coin yesterday to decide if I would commit suicide at midnight, I still show up. I don't have friends.
Every fucking day I ask myself is it worth it to grab my meds and OD, or jump off a bridge, and the answer is always "Soon". I dont fucking dream. I just pass out and wake up the next morning. Multiple times when I have been about to go jump off a bridge, I've just suddenly passed out and woken up the next morning, regretting my failure.
At this point, my nails look like shit and my fingers bleed sometimes because I bite them every day, and have done that for years.
gleaming briar