Vents I guess

[civic wigeon]

Am I seriously enough?

It sure as hell doesn't seem like it. I do EVERYTHING to make them stay. Is it because I seem uncaring? Emotions are hard for me, my face is blank most times.

I think I may be autistic, but my parents won't take me to get diagnosed. I show a lot of signs and symptoms of it, but idk.

Like. I'm genuinely just done with people altogether, they all leave anyways.m

Might as well not get too attached ig.

Like. I just don't get it. I can't wrap my head around it. What am I doing wrong? My house is the escape house. It always has been. My friends with bad home lives come to my house, it's the standard.

Is that not enough?

[slender mirage]

Are you talking about friend groups?

[civic wigeon]

Just friends in general.

They just always leave idk.

[mossy linden]

You are enough. I realized that most people don't realize what they have. In relationships and all. Good people who they neglect or they are so in their own heads, they cant see how they effect others.

Never think youre not enough!

[civic wigeon]

I dunno. Sure as hell doesn't feel like it.

[vestal orbit]

Yes, yes you are and even more
Also people will always leave it’s life

[civic wigeon]

I know that they do. It's just that I used to have so many friends, and now they're just gone. We still go to the same schools and have classes but they completely blow me off.

[vestal orbit]

Well to bad u will always be with people, also Ik that ppl will leave as I said but u js gotta find the ppl who won’t leave

[civic wigeon]

My teammates barely talk to me either. I try to start a conversation and they just ignore me completely like okay I guess

[vestal orbit]

Then I think you didn’t had a lot friends you just know a lot of people

[civic wigeon]

No we used to be friends trust. Like we'd hang out outside of school and go shopping together and stuff.

[vestal orbit]

What happend?

[civic wigeon]

That's the thing. They just stopped talking to me out of the blue. If I'm being honest it doesn't bother me that much, I don't care about a lot of people. But it was still confusing. I tried to seem like I cared and I was really good at it so idk what happened

A thing I've been seeing is that I might be autistic too. Apparently I show a lot of signs of the presentation in women for it, so it kind of check out if that is true.

[vestal orbit]

Well okay but why are you done w ppl generally?

[vestal orbit]

Might be autistic?

[civic wigeon]

They're just annoying and kind of piss me off

[civic wigeon]

Yeah. A lot of people think I am too that's their very first impression of me. But I don't want to self diagnose.

Like idk for sure if I am

[vestal orbit]

What do u think autism is?

[civic wigeon]

Wdym

It's a spectrum dude

[vestal orbit]

What does it have to do that people leaving you then

[civic wigeon]

Masking

[vestal orbit]

Ik but like ah idk xD

[civic wigeon]

The masking because I honestly just pretend a lot and I've been doing it for years so I'm good at it but sometime i come off like an ass and they think I'm being rude but I'm honestly just like "ugh dude whatever"

Like I just get annoyed and they think "omg she's being such a bad person blah blah blah" like shut upppp I never get mad at you for ANYTHING I'm allowed to be mildly annoyed

[vestal orbit]

Why do u mask in the first place?

[civic wigeon]

Because I'm a mean person if I don't

[vestal orbit]

Just because ur annoyed does not mean ur a bad person btw

[vestal orbit]

What’s wrong Abt it?

[civic wigeon]

I'm really uncaring if I don't. Like I genuinely don't care I couldn't give less of a shit if your boyfriend broke up with you or your mom died. I just don't care

[vestal orbit]

Okay? Oh no? Then u don’t?

[civic wigeon]

It just makes me seem like a mean person when I'm really not I really do try I just can't honestly

And people don't quite seem to get that so I just pretend to care

[vestal orbit]

People are stupid ig

[civic wigeon]

Yah but it's okay I guess because I didn't care that much about them in the first place

[vestal orbit]

In what way? U js don’t care? U would be mean if u said like bad stuff Abt them etc

[civic wigeon]

I just don't care. And I really does show

[vestal orbit]

So why this post?

[civic wigeon]

Because it gets annoying especially when I've given them everything I have to give

[vestal orbit]

Yea again it isn’t that mean to ja don’t care

[vestal orbit]

Even tho u don’t care?

[civic wigeon]

Yeah because I just want someone to stay for once even if I don't really mind if they leave

There's this kind of expectation to care about the people you know, right. So the fact that I don't meet that expectation is enough for a lot of people to leave

[vestal orbit]

So in other words u want a friend who doesn’t leave u but u wouldn’t care Abt them or if they leave?

[civic wigeon]

I just want someone to hand out with who doesn't really care either

Like if I leave they don't really care and if they leave I won't really care either

[vestal orbit]

And u want to find that all in irl?

[civic wigeon]

Yeah

[vestal orbit]

Dang chances are like low but GOOD LUCK

[civic wigeon]

I know 😞😞 it just gets kinda tiring after a while yknow

[vestal orbit]

Then find someone who is willing to do that

Or js someone who won’t leave

[civic wigeon]

Yeah but socializing hard enough as it is and I highly doubt I'll find someone who feels the same

[vestal orbit]

Well u can’t rlly
Theoretically I can find someone who stays w u again bc that’s hard enough

[civic wigeon]

Yah exactly so honestly I'll just let life take its course or whatever

If they leave they leave 😒 that's how it's always been ig

[vestal orbit]

Then find someone online idk

[civic wigeon]

Eh it's whatever honestly

I just needed to rant ig

[vestal orbit]

Well u did so congrats

[civic wigeon]

Guys. Im so damn close to ending it istg.

My boundaries haven’t been respected by so many people, it’s one simple ask. Do NOT mention ||guns||. It shouldn’t be too fucking hard.

But no. Apparently it’s sooooo difficult.

I shouldn’t have to explain myself as to why I don’t want those mentioned but oh well I guess it’s fucking necessary.

I’ve had like 3 close calls with ||school shootings|| okay.

That’s my reason. And I’m tired of being made fun of and disrespected because of this stupid fucking boundary. If they are mentioned, I end up either spiraling for days on end, paranoid and untrusting, or get reaaalllllyyy pissed off at everything.