#Relationship Worries

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

worthy wagon
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My boyfriend and I have been happily dating for the past few months, but recently I realized that he has been referring to me as a "she" to his friends and kept calling me his "girlfriend" when he introduced me to them (I'm trans FTM btw and he knows this). I didn't say anything because I didn't want to start a fight, but I don't want him to keep misgendering me. We arranged a time to hang out tomorrow, and I've been thinking about telling him how I felt then, but I'm too afraid he'll get upset with me somehow. Should I tell him? Help!

pale cloud
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It's still who you recognise yourself as for a gender, maybe take things slow, no need to be mad at each other but you definitely should remember him you're not a woman nor recognise yourself with that gender. Maybe he's just too embarrassed to say to his friends either, could be, try talk about this with him and good luck <3

vital kindle
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also: does he usually get upset over things like that? if not, you're relatively in the clear to have a talk with him, he'll either 1 understand why what he's doing is hurting you/making your uncomfortable, or 2 open up about maybe questioning his identity if my first guess was right.

worthy wagon
vital kindle
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hmmm

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you might be overthinking it, but if you arent then you dodged a bullet for the most part.

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you said its a happy relationship so there should be no problem in bringing up something that bothers you !! if its genuinely healthy, he'll understand. if not, you're at least getting out of a poor situation.

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my dms are open if you need support past here, much love ! update me if possible <33

sick copper
# worthy wagon My boyfriend and I have been happily dating for the past few months, but recentl...

Yes, you absolutely should tell him — and you deserve to be respected and seen for who you are.

It’s understandable to feel nervous, especially if you’re worried about his reaction. But your identity isn’t up for debate, and misgendering — even if it’s not intended to hurt — is hurtful. It chips away at trust and self-worth over time. You deserve a relationship where your identity is affirmed, not erased, even passively.

Here’s how you can approach it:

  1. Pick a calm, private moment. When you’re hanging out, wait until you both feel relaxed. You could say something like, “Hey, there’s something on my mind I really want to talk about. Is that okay?”

  2. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. Try: “I felt really hurt when I heard you refer to me as ‘she’ and as your girlfriend. I’m a guy, and it’s important to me that I’m seen that way — especially by you.”

  3. Be clear about your needs. For example: “It’s okay if your friends don’t know I’m trans, but I still need you to use the right pronouns and call me your boyfriend.”

  4. Pay attention to his response. A loving, supportive partner will want to get it right, even if he slips up occasionally. If he gets defensive, minimizes your feelings, or refuses to change, that’s a red flag. You deserve someone who respects you fully.

It’s okay to be afraid, but your identity and comfort aren’t “starting a fight” — they’re valid, necessary parts of a healthy relationship. Whatever happens, you’re brave for wanting to advocate for yourself, and you’re not alone. You've got this.

worthy wagon
worthy wagon
sick copper
worthy wagon
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UPDATE: Since the rain stopped before our hangout time, we still went to the park. After a while, I did open up to him about how I felt. First, he apologized that he made me feel that way and said that he thought he would lose his friends if they knew I was a boy. Obviously I told him to just tell them and break things off if they don’t support us, but he said that would be very difficult to do. Since their families are very connected, they would just tell their parents, who would tell his parents, which would end up getting him into HUGE trouble. I really want to find a way to help him but I don’t know how :(

sick copper
# worthy wagon UPDATE: Since the rain stopped before our hangout time, we still went to the par...

It sounds like you handled that conversation with honesty and care, which is really important. You're right to want support and openness in your relationship, and it’s valid to feel conflicted here.

Your partner’s fear seems rooted in more than just peer pressure—he’s worried about serious fallout from his family and community. That doesn’t make hiding right, but it explains why he feels trapped. It’s not your job to fix that, but if you want to support him, encourage small steps—maybe starting with one friend he trusts. He might also benefit from talking to a counselor or joining a support group where he can feel less alone.

At the same time, remember that your emotional safety matters too. You deserve to be with someone who can love you openly, even if it takes time to get there. Just make sure the effort is mutual. You’re being thoughtful and kind already, and that says a lot.

worthy wagon
vital kindle
worthy wagon
vital kindle
worthy wagon
vital kindle
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oof.

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at least they got a place to stay, thats rough tho

worthy wagon
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He said it was worth it tho

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The one that stayed was his closest friend anyway

vital kindle
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yuppp. how it goes. the closest is the one that doesnt mind change as long as you're you :3