#gender haha

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

velvet shore
#

im gonna do that dumb thing where you ask random internet people to fix your personal problems, knowing full-darn well its not goint to work. maybe i just need to say it somewhere therell be no real consequences idk

im just so sick and tired of not knowing what i am. im AMAB, but hate that. mostly comfortable with male genitals, but yearn for chest. ive identified as femboy for a good while now, but im haunted by the short time limit for femboyism. so either i undergo twink death and become an unhappy cis gay guy, or do the scary thing which is transing. but i dont know if ill be happy doing that. these thoughts arent cohesive at all sorry to anyone reading this. but im so fed up with dumb gender nonsense. i just want it to make sense so i can just make a decision and move forward with that. this dumb indesiciveness is eating me from the inside out, and ive just about had it. not like i can do anything about it "your brains still developing" "give it some time" "youre still a kid" im 18 now i thought things were supposed to start maing sense by now. instead im having a gender crisis NOW of all times. what a seriously unfortunate occurence.

anyways respond or dont, let it rot i say

empty raft
#

well uh reality hit you hard,when you turn 18 shit doesn't start making sense,it just becomes worse : )

#

hey but atleast your doing the dumb/smart thing and asking random PROFESSIONAL internet people,most people in this server can help you with this

velvet shore
empty raft
velvet shore
empty raft
#

there's not alot of things i can do for ya but have you checked what labels you COULD fall under

velvet shore
#

im sure a few of them are in my roles lol

empty raft
#

or traumatize yourself and become trans if thats what your comfortable with 😄 (don't let fear control what you do brother,its not good)

velvet shore
empty raft
velvet shore
#

😅

empty raft
#

your haunted by the short time limit for femboyism but your scared to change so it can be unlimited? (fair tbh tho,this shit is no joke)

velvet shore
#

well, yeah?
what if i change and im still not happy? ill just be another transgirl who took her life. i finally got what I wanted and it wasn't enough. that thought bothers me.

or what if i change, and im happy, but external forces prevent me from the medication i need to maintain that happy lifestyle? im essentially an addict who just got cut off from their vice. im going to do something stupid

#

somehow this level of hopeless unhappiness feels like the safest option, even if its probably the worst

im so scared of whatll happen if I start E

i also dont know how ill live my life being a whole new person
i mean the common perception is that youre the same person but you finally broke free, but i somehow feel like that doesn't apply to me

i feel like a feminine soul that because of my biological sex, has been forced into an environment that does not align with my personality. and because of the gender roles imposed by society, the best option is to change sides

empty raft
#

jesus christ dude

#

there's fear and then there's you

velvet shore
#

',7

#

in a really bizarre and backwards way, that's both the most comforting and mortifying thing to read

hoary glade
#

have you asked yourself what do you want most?

velvet shore
#

i sometimes wonder if im truly and utterly broken. if ill even make it to my 40s. im too scared of death and too sensitive to pain to hurt myself, but i wonder often if im gonna spiral so hard i just end it all

not to make this conversation about that kind of mental instability let's stay on course here

velvet shore
empty raft
empty raft
hoary glade
#

oh yeah

velvet shore
empty raft
velvet shore
#

that's wildly unhelpful sorry
i think I have a tendency to instigate philosophical argument when backed into a logical corner

velvet shore
#

i mean, maybe i shouldn't think of all the possibilities, but that just seems like the logical thing to do?

is that what trans people do?
they just.. go with their heart, and sometimes don't kill themselves?
(that's admittedly really dark sorry)

empty raft
#

i'm not trans so idk : D

hoary glade
empty raft
#

(also pretty sure there's no medication for HRT but idk tbh)

velvet shore
empty raft
#

idk,lemme check rq

hoary glade
#

Hormone replacement therapy

velvet shore
hoary glade
velvet shore
# hoary glade both

yeah, estrogen and testosterone
T doesn't really matter to me but yeah it also exists and is an hrt thing

hoary glade
#

i do struggles a lot and feel bad abt myself when i cant give you real advice despite being MTF trans

empty raft
#

it would take some pretty bad luck for a external force to prevent you from doing it Nyaani

hoary glade
#

oh btw do you live alone or with anyone Nyaani

velvet shore
velvet shore
#

and my cat

empty raft
#

KITTY?!

velvet shore
#

get your head out of the gutter jeez

hoary glade
#

are there many unsupportive ppl around you?

velvet shore
# hoary glade are there many unsupportive ppl around you?

that's the worst part, i know most of my family would be decently supportive

but my weak-minded, baka self is to spooky scared to make a substantial move

being aware of it is the first step, but you have to go somewhere from it and im firmly planted here for some reason

empty raft
#

its a shame life isn't a staircase that goes down

#

then i could've kicked you down the first step bc your too scared to do it yourself

velvet shore
#

i have told my mother about having weird gender problems and she's basically like "id support you, but wed have to get you an actual therspist first because that stuff causes neurological damage"

velvet shore
empty raft
#

...

velvet shore
empty raft
#

yes

velvet shore
#

well...
yeah I coulda seen that one coming

hoary glade
velvet shore
empty raft
#

it does infact cause neurological damage (for many people)

hoary glade
#

oh...

velvet shore
#

she didn't mean brain damage, but more like it alters your brain chemistry permanently. because you're adding or stifling certain hormones, which exist in your brain a lot

hoary glade
hoary glade
velvet shore
#

consider your message seen

hoary glade
#

hmm

#

that makes sense at some point

#

yeah you might need a way to prevent your mind being a mess

velvet shore
#

my honest main concern there isn't even the brain damage

its the therapist

getting real therapy is scary
and im honestly terrified of talking to a new person about all of my weird gender stuff IN PERSON

like what if they don't get it?
what if the say im just overreacting?
God forbid they tell me to journal

yes I'm aware I'm doing the same thing but online with strangers, but that's easier and more familiar

and before you say online therapy, i NEED it to be in-person I feel
I'm scared ill make them hate me by working to dismantle their arguments instead of actually growing as a person

hoary glade
#

i dont trust online therapy at all, especially when it is related to your whole life later on

velvet shore
#

aughhh

hoary glade
#

did you ever do research on finding suitable therapist for you?

velvet shore
hoary glade
#

you can try start looking for one

#

idk which source do you prefer, finding online or go irl to check

#

anyways