in the third stanza I feel like the "and" there is useless you don't really need it but nothing wrong if you wanna keep it
also I really love what you did in the second stanza that sanctuary line is so good you gave me inspo (but I've got countless drafts so if I ever do fix up a poem from ur inspo I'll tag ya)
also for the fourth stanza
on the second line that starts with see
end it with a question mark
it flows more smoother that way because you're asking or were you commanding instead?
do you understand what I mean?
for the version line it is really good but I think if you could cut version because that word (imo) js doesn't fit there
try using the part of me maybe?
or you could do
the me that was once bright and full of love
and if you want you can cut the "once" in there
also the use of overthinking kinda ruins it because you're stating it and not really showing it
try to replace it and come up with something better
this is smth I came up with, not necessarily a suggestion but an inspo maybe
has withered into silence, drifted from home
also for the last stanza I think it looks better if you do it like
tell me if I had been the first,
would it be different?
would you love me
with the same devotion that I have wasted on you?
also devotion here I don't think it suits
how about would you love me the same way that I loved you
also just wanted to say all these are suggestions, it's your poem, your style, your words and your creativity too so do what feels right for you
also it's pretty well written
||first time writing a feedback like this||
limber wyvern
languid tapir
daring topaz