#The Boy Sees - Leap of Faith

36 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

lean quiver
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Why are you always watching those wrens?
(The man's voice grumbled as he asked the boy.)

I like every bird
I like how they make their homes
Out of what's left to wither
And those wrens...

What about them?
Nothing special
They are small and fragile
But the way they have to fight
From the first moments of life

Do you mean when they hatch?
Yes!
Breaking down their walls
To even earn their right for light
That is right, I suppose

And then for a few weeks
They are loved, fed
And?
Then it's time to fly
And a few do
And a few fall
And for them,
Life ends there,
On the cold soil

Isn't that horrible?
It is, but the will?
What will?
When they hop?
That mere second,
That terrifying thought?
And they leap,
Fully aware of what is beneath...

lean quiver
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@serene quarry

serene quarry
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This is the first poem I read of yours. I found it perfect the way it was.

lean quiver
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@stiff sedge Hey, sorry for the random tag. I saw your comments on a few pieces and a few of your pieces as well. I want to ask you to share your thoughts on this if you have the time.

stiff sedge
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Sorry it took me a bit I’m making lunch

lean quiver
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It's alright, I'm happy you are reading it

little remnantBOT
stiff sedge
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Lowkey love this line

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Or no not that one

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The one after lol

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Pretty good!

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Gj man

lean quiver
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Any suggestions?

stiff sedge
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Not really good at feedback

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BUT

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I will save this poem for a busy recitals day

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And get some feedback for you

lean quiver
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._.

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You would?

stiff sedge
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Ofc!

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I may not be able to help you get better but other people can and I can get this to those people

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So I will :D

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Just a matter of time when theyre all ready for recitals

lean quiver
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🙃 Thanks a lot, I appreciate it!

tardy osprey
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i can give feedback

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idm

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I would give it a 7.5 out of 10

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i dont think using rhyming is a good idea

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it mixes tones and becomes unserious

lean quiver
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I do get your point

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I tried to use it to set the pace for the dialogue, but it does chip at the tone

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I will definitely experiment with your advice, thank you!

tardy osprey
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i would love to read more