onyx flame
Look up at the sky
and I will make it pretty for you
for I have not yet come to terms
for what I've done
I miss you incredibly
so much that my chest caves in
my gut churns
my legs tremble
my world stops spinning into acceptance
I stay stuck in guilt.
It
stands
S T I L L
it hurts because I know it won't work
I know you like my favorite hobby
memorised you like my favorite song
feel you like the wind blowing in my hair
in the gloomy autumn evening at my favorite park
I sit by the willow tree where we kissed
my favorite spot
that's become longing
for it's more bent than usual and the picnic blanket is missing
it's depressing sitting at a spot WE used to go to
knowing it's just me sitting here
I lost you for something I did
something I could've stopped
the guilt consumes me and forces me onto the ground
takes the breath out of my lungs
and makes sure the thoughts don't stop protruding my mind
Every song I listen to resonates with you
for I can't go a second to find a peace
where you're not here
so I make a playlist and listen to it everyday
If I can't find a joy without you why not embrace it
I'm not doing good because you're not here to hold my hand
not here to hold me while I tremble
not here to hold me together while I come undone
I can't put the pieces back themselves
let them go
Let
her
go.
No.
because what if there's a chance
what if she remembers our shared moments where we couldn't look away
when we couldn't pull away from our last hug.
so I sent you the song that I listen to the most
knowing your wonderful mind would appreciate it
you always did.
you always do.
If not being able to let go brings you distress
then I will leave you
leave everyone
for I cannot let go
It's a guilt you shouldn't carry on your delicate shoulders
for it is not your fault for what I have done to us
to me
so look up at the sky mi amor
and take my last gift to you as I paint it in your favorite color
a dark shade of lavender
nova pike