The Freedom of The Moon

[ancient prawn]

"Life", is a concept I never understood-
Is it anything more than just standing on a piece of wood?
That when more people are added, all it wants to do is sink.
To drown and be free like a spilt container full of ink?

I stood atop what felt like a mountain,
Dancing and dancing until I felt like a fountain,
Spreading water so clean and with a swish-
Looking right in front of freedom as a wish.

"Life", is a concept I always understood-
I only realised that when looking where I stood,
In front of the moon where it covers everything in grey-
Wishing that one day, this is where I shall lay.

But for now I shall dance,
Alone and with a chance,
To be free of thinking of yore,
To be free for evermore."

[bright gulch]

It's amazing, especially for only your second poem

Personally, this is my style of writing and I think it's really good, and I wouldn't change anything about it. Though, I could collab if you'd like and give you more ideas, the poem still completely yours

[ancient prawn]

Thank you so much! I was mostly just experimenting with a style and I seem to like this one, but at the same time there is something off for me. I can work on it when I write more though! As for the collab, I would not mind that! I usually struggle coming up with ideas so it is a miracle I was even able to write this one.....lol

[bright gulch]

Ofc! Yeah, I usually get that same feeling when writing, that's why I thought I would try a collab and tbh, I don't get that feeling anymore. And yes, absolutely; I have at least 50 old poems I found and have edited lol. And same with coming up with ideas fr, it's a nightmare because I always just do what's on my mind and people are like "It's too dark" so I get ya dw. And I'll try to uh get on that collab soon!

[ancient prawn]

Alright! I find I like metaphor heavy poems, or at least ones with dark undertones but are not blunt. To me, they speak a bit more to the soul than the blunt ones and I tried to express it here however I feel like I was not conveying it in the right way. It is hard to explain, however I hope that I gain a signature style

[bright gulch]

Yeah ofc! I completely get what you mean, and I'll try my best to match that style, considering mine is dark so sort of similar? Idk lol but yeah, I get wym. I'll ping you in collabs, once I've worked on it some more fs

[ancient prawn]

Alright thank you!