woe of humanity

[vast nest]

Disguised mistake, woe of humanity
Topmost delinquent, devote insanity
Ache to be forgiven, though never spit trouble
Sainted soul, though regret felt double

tiresome eyes judge what stares back in the mirror
reckon the sobs, feel the monster crawl nearer.
once so lovely, now a grotesque terror
used to secrete, now an awful clear error!

painful notion, entitled sorrow.
beg for more than one can borrow.
tore yourself to feel humane,
left with crumbs of once a brain,

supervise flames, not done by you;
attend to their pain, mask your blue!
cremating alongst, your once full wit

burn in flames, you didnt lit.

<@&1145760802666717234>

[cyan spindle]

I love the dark, rich metaphors, but same as an earlier poem I gave feedback on, it suffers from strict rhyme that will keep you limited and make you stumble, I can see your pain, I can feel the emotion, this is a poem that wants to bleed and that kind of release is more powerful when is let free and messy, your poem stands out, not the pinnacle of poetry but definitely above the shallow puddles people love to dip their feet in, again, I like the dark, visceral style and the emotion, I hope you will let them flow freely eventually, your heart doesn't have to be bound to AABB rhyme schemes or rhymes at all in order to be powerful, it even inspired me to write a short one with the same-ish kind of vibe, hope this can inspire you back.

The mirror does not reflect-
it shatters me into pieces.

"It's all your fault."

I weep, I try to beg, but...
every sob fogs the glass,
and behind it, something shifts.

Vertigo.

A shadow with my smile sewn wrong.

I was once a garden,
but now the vines have spread so far
that my voice won't push past
at all.