#Looking for tips to improve this poem:

2 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

grim roost
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(TW: abuse, domestic abuse, SA, suicide)

Sown and stitched by the needles of reprimand
Back strait, eyes wide, fingers curling at every command
Stuffing sinking and churning with manufactured fear
As her father's burning breath scolded at her ear

Yarn hair yanked back, body moulded to satisfaction
Bones and limbs pulled and contorted into traction
Limp and voiceless, she was never allowed to speak
The only sign of life was the tear rolling down her cheek

The misuse, abuse, hitting and lack of basic care
Soon became too much for her little heart to bear
She began to fall apart, body slacken, rip at the seams
And every passing night brought danker, darker dreams

A desperate escape from the cruel toying hands
Which every day used her for his sick, twisted plans
With the dream of escaping her cotton-made attire
She decided to resort to a solution most dire

The little plaything on the windowsill leaned and released
Her hands unclenched as she welcomed long waited relief
A sickening crunch as the ground swallowed her whole
Leaving nothing left but her father's lifeless doll.

frigid lotus
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The rhyme scheme you are using in my opinion is very repetitive it you look at the and of ever like the first one rhymes with the second the third with fourth and so on i think it needs filler lines