wheat dirge
I'll die when ghosts do
Without getting slain
I'll sleep when the poltergeist
Ceases its deadly play
I'll give up when every planet
Blows to smithereens
I'll stop when empty space
Shatters my very being
I'll cry when you do
I'll hold up the hands that feed
I'll breathe as they do
A promise I make
To none but me
But I'll break when I desire
When I do, leave me be
I climb out of every pit
Lick up the life I bleed
I'll die when life does
Then undeath may tempt me
merry locust
The birth of a lich lord. This was a powerful poem! Great writing and excellent rhythm.
crude plinth
In the verse "I'll breathe as they do" it looks like they is referring to the hands, so it's a bit weird to imagine hands breathing, I don't know if you see what I mean
Maybe there is a more suitable comparison
Otherwise it's a nicely crafted poem
wheat dirge
Oh fair XD I use hands as a metaphor for ppl too much
lament krakenBOT
crude plinth
Oh yeah, and you're exclusively using past tense except in "I climb out of every pit / Lick up the life I bleed", it feels a bit inconsistent
Oh my bad, it's a general truth statement
wheat dirge
Yeeee it refers to like, ongoing things / that it has happened b4. Present simple tense for habits and universal truths
crude plinth
Yeah it's good
wheat dirge
I really appreciate the feedback! Thank you so much
crude plinth
You're welcome!
radiant forge
Good poem.💐
hollow flume
