#The first day of the last year (WIP)

5 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

languid rain
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And I had a dream that night
Of the first day of the last year I would know you

The first day of the last year before you opened your mouth
And locusts came out
And your eyes shut
And we were both afraid.

The last year I could love you like I loved the crawdads in the creek
No cause for hate
As they passed through my open fingers
I was watching them swim down
Knowing they would come back
And that despite cycle,
Despite absence,
Despite silence,
We could not hurt one another.

But then it did start to hurt.
Silence hurts worse when you know what it has taken place of.
Absence hurts worse when it is not your own.
Cycle hurts worse when you think it will change.

The last year that when I jumped out of slow-rolling cars
Or read something that made me think of you
Or sat on the curb in the cool evening
To watch the moon curdle the clouds with its light
Or heard the songs you told me you hated on the radio
It was the first day of the last year that in everything inconsequential, I would think of telling you.

In the dream you revealed yourself
And showed me that despite it all
You were only ever what you said you were.

I could only be ashamed.

exotic dew
#

Hello hello :) what were you hoping for feedback on?

clever panther
#

This is really lovely. I am not sure how to interpret it. Is the dream predicting the future or is it a dream of the past? I like "moon curdle the clouds". The pain is poignantly described. The last stanza and last line are interesting. I interpret that this relationship was in the past and you feel ashamed it was not more clear to you he was who he appeared to be then.

languid rain
#

yes yes you're pretty close :)) i wanted it to be a little vague because the feelings themselves are sort of vague but thank you for the feedback!!!!!

languid rain
#

(And in the dream we were dancing
Right away I knew it was a dream
Because you and I don’t
Or didn’t dance.

And because I had never seen you look at me that happy
Without also looking like you knew the end of this from the very start,
Were waiting for the final blow

The sounding of the trumpet that was your own laughter
And I the killing angel
Both knowing that we were to die
In cycle in absence in silence.

And in the dream you asked me
Cordially and plainly
To forget you
On the first day of the last year that you loved me.)