Encrypted Confession

Life was easy.
Fighting over the front seat,
And the "best seat" on the couch.
Doing homework,
In thirty minutes or less,
To stay up late watching YouTube.

Times changed slowly.
I lost my sister.
The one who was supposed to be there,
Supporting me.
Left me in the dust.
I lost a sister,
Just to gain a sibling.

Life got dull.
I questioned my being,
I wondered who I was.
So I wrote.
For the first time I shared my work,
I shared my story,
No matter it's code.
I was seen,
I was noticed.
I felt good at something.
I found my purpose,
Or so I thought.

Life lost its radiance.
The warmth of family,
Replaced with people,
Living in the same walls.
Fights became common,
Verbal or physical.
I thought it was just a part of life.
Everyone's family has some fallouts right?
Right...

I acted my best,
Didn't get into trouble,
Did my work.
Hopping everything would go back to normal,
When I could laugh,
When a smile was like second nature.
But now I know I can't.

I can't remember the last time I laughed,
At least true laughter.
I can't smile,
Not out of joy.
Only to seem happy,
To fit my character.

Did I make this character?
Or did it make me?
Am I responsible,
For all my problems?
Did I make my tears fall,
Or did they just come with the times?

Does my mind decide not to feel warmth,
Or is it incapable?
Is my heart too cold,
Did my head just give up?
Am I supposed to keep trying?
Do I keep searching for a purpose,
A light to guide my path?
Or should I give up,
Lie down,
To never awake again?

#Encrypted Confession