#A child’s story

7 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

balmy shuttle
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You got good rhyme it blends together and I think you've done a fine job for someone who just wrote there first poem.

woven osprey
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thanks for the @ i'll give it a read

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that's a heavy poem, friend

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in terms of cadence, rhythm, i think it's solid

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i find this poem to be very powerful, evocative. the imagery is clear. the pain is also clear.

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something in way you use your language, it seems to me like you are harnessing the voice of the 5 year old speaker

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are there any spots in particular that you think could use revision? @edgy cloud