Sundays reek of sorrow( WIP) | The Art of Poetry | Page 1

rocky wharf Nov 30, 2024, 2:51 PM

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This i made like an hour ago on a whim

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i dont know what word to use at the end

hybrid slateBOT Nov 30, 2024, 2:52 PM

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rocky wharf i dont know what word to use at the end

Wonderful! @rocky wharf has just pregressed to level 1!

rocky wharf Nov 30, 2024, 2:52 PM

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mighty house what

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stays doesnt sit right with me

shadow ore Nov 30, 2024, 2:52 PM

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depends on what you mean to say

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if u didnt have to think of one word, what would you say instead

rocky wharf Nov 30, 2024, 2:53 PM

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the mighty house stays strong

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resilient

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something like that

shadow ore Nov 30, 2024, 2:54 PM

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i see i see

rocky wharf Nov 30, 2024, 2:54 PM

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i think maybe arctic storms is better than arctic storm

shadow ore Nov 30, 2024, 2:54 PM

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im still trying to gather my thoughts on it

arctic mica Nov 30, 2024, 2:55 PM

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there could be some things done with the rhythm I feel

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to stop it from having breaks

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points of pressure being the snow fox and arctic storm lines

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for example:
A snow fox
Remain hidden
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I personally feel this would suit the rhythm better, give it a shot with the whole thing and tell me what you think

rocky wharf Nov 30, 2024, 2:57 PM

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thanks

arctic mica Nov 30, 2024, 2:57 PM

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as for the mighty house line, I'm still brainstorming

rocky wharf Nov 30, 2024, 2:58 PM

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"a mighty house on the hill"

arctic mica Nov 30, 2024, 2:59 PM

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then you could add a line with that resilience motif

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saying it holds on and weathers the storm in your own words

shadow ore Nov 30, 2024, 3:00 PM

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i think there is a lot of nice imagery, e.g. u start off with a mirror, then u talk about the sea, then you talk about the arctic and snow, maybe try mixing these together? so that the ideas become more interlinked and it will read better (imo),

when writing about imagery/descriptions, its best to keep it in the poem throughout, so it looks intentional rather than a passing thought. i.e. if i mentioned blood, i would have to develop that motif further and reference it along the poem, to make it cohesive. it would be blunt to say "smth smth blood"... and then never talk about it again, since i introduced violent imagery and then left it there, does that make any sense?

this all depends on what you want to convey in the poem so i cant give you a suggestion on what to do, i hope im being a lil clear

rocky wharf Nov 30, 2024, 3:01 PM

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i see the vision

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i try to keep my writing as open as possible

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i try to paint a picture of a scenery

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with the motives hidden

arctic mica Nov 30, 2024, 3:02 PM

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yes, you have a very impressionistic language

rocky wharf Nov 30, 2024, 3:02 PM

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so the motives can be yours

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not just my thinking and my feelings

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you can find yourself in there somewhere

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thats what i am trying to do honestly

shadow ore Nov 30, 2024, 3:03 PM

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rocky wharf you can find yourself in there somewhere

thats lovely

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your poems are definitely open to interpretation, there are lots of nice poems that are open, and have imagery and ideas that link together well, its all about balance really, a balance between being abstract and also cohesive

rocky wharf Nov 30, 2024, 3:06 PM

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i need to work on the cohesive part

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you are right

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less freestyle and more structure

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thanks though

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you guys are nice

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its nice to find people who still enjoy artistic expression in this world

shadow ore Nov 30, 2024, 3:08 PM

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its nice to read ur poems!! i'll follow u using folly, next time u post a poem use /notify so i can see it

vocal merlinBOT Nov 30, 2024, 3:08 PM

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@shadow ore is now following @rocky wharf.

rocky wharf Nov 30, 2024, 3:08 PM

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haha

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i am honored

#Sundays reek of sorrow( WIP)