#Joy
2 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)
I enjoyed the wordplay and direction of the poem. It is very fond, sounding much like a nursery book! Though I believe that some lines could we revised to become stronger, especially refering to the last line, which is less coherent then the rest of your poem.
Excellent choice of diction and imagery in the first stanza, introducing us to your poem! I really enjoyed the serene atmosphere of it!
The second stanza is also great as well! Though I would advise you to change the second line "speckled light" to "lights" to flow more!
The third stanza is great! The ABAB rhyme adds to the musicality of the entire poem! The progress towards adventure adds a reminiscent touch to your poem, which makes the reader, myself, feel quite elated to begin the journey with you.
The last stanza is a good directive to hope, though I believe it could be phrased more coherently, to matcht eh flow of your entire poem!
"Rising rivers and waters flow fast,
cloud paints the sun after a storm passed" (for example)
Overall, really solid poem! Thanks for sharing! Happy writing 🙂 