#Crumbled

28 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

limber tartan
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And this is your first-ever poem??

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Then this is a good start you have here!

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How do you feel about it in general

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what are you satisfied with, or not satisfied with?

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I noticed a few things I'd comment on, but maybe hearing about your point of view of it would be a better place to start

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give an idea of where to take the feedback :3

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Yeah, I was gonna say things about the lines - having the same number of syllables in each verse could probably help to make it feel smoother

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because the content of the verses is good, the length is just uneven and makes the flow wonky in a couple places

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as for vocab variety, that comes from reading, reading, and more reading lol

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not just poems, but anything in english
you'll just absorb more gradually

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That's the cool things about poetry, isn't it
Brings out all the feelings and pours them in pretty patterns on the page

queen geyserBOT
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Wonderful! @proper mist has just pregressed to level 1!

limber tartan
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That's great, I'd be glad to recommend books if you want

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also my name is Rain lol, this is a silly nickname

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changed it because i just realized it might get confusing

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I'll just list a few favorite English novels off the top of my head:

  • The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
  • The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
  • Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
  • Wonder by R.J. Palacio
  • The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo
  • Roll of Thunder, Hear my Cry by Mildred D. Taylor
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(the toughest book to read here is probably The Catcher in the Rye or Roll of Thunder, Hear my Cry)

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they're not really related in genre, they are just books i really enjoyed

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as for poetry books, i mostly read free verse - if you're thinking of writing more structured poetry and learning about that, my poetry recommendations might not be the right fit for you

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but a good first step is to find the greats
there are "poetry standards" like there are jazz standards

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a.k.a well-known pieces that are referenced a lot and used as examples

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some renowned poets to start you off:

  • Shakespeare
  • Edgar Allan Poe
  • John Keats
  • William Wordsworth
  • Robert Frost
  • Emily Dickinson
    etc.
stone granite
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Your poem displays an immaculate understanding of your emotion! I enjoyed reading it! It has the whimsical and innocent tone that is rare to find~ Although, like rain mentioned, it could be smoother, more rhytmnic and concise, it is a great start to the overall journey of a poet!

The imagery of your life really adds vibrancy to a poem that reflects the intimate meaning of writing!

Do make yourself comfortable with writing poems, and feel free to read up on poems by fellow poets!

dapper jay
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Nice one! It describes and paints vividly your constant longing for that friend who left ya. It's something derived from the rainforest of misery — touching lives as it goes!

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I wanted to expand on your thoughts behind this one a little. Hope you are a well; just remember the world doesn't need anyone to function; it just goes. It might feel hard now, but don't worry much: give it some decades, and you will find somone like her again. Don't ya worry man; there are billions of people on earth — somone surely will be for you

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Life is still worth living

stone granite
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Do tag me in case i miss it