warm plank
to the people i hadn't yet loved,
i miss you.
i never knew you.
i miss you in the way i imagine the ground would miss the snow. in the way i miss the person i could've been.
but as the ground will never miss the snow, i will never know that person.
and i will never know you.
isnt it odd? i wonder why, if the snow is forgotten, why must i miss those whose favorite colors ill never learn?
i wish i had learned about more of you, maybe that would've made it harder for you to leave. or maybe you never would have left at all.
at least if id learned, maybe i would understand this ache.
this ache, the one ive learned to accept.
ive learned to accept the absence of a love i never really lost, in the same way i learned to love in the first place
i learned to love in the way a volcano learns to erupt, in the way a flower learns to bloom.
in the buildup,
yet, in the blink of an eye.
some days i wonder, how many more seconds until i would have blinked?
how much longer, until you became an important part of my world?
all i do is wonder.
wonder, about nothing.
everything.
wonder, do you think about the snow?
do you wonder if it knew it was gonna melt? or if it wasnt expecting to leave so soon either?
but the ground cannot answer me, and the snow cannot feel,
so what now?
i wonder, and i get no answer.
and i scream into the space of all ive forgotten, how can i miss you, if there is nothing to miss?
i can shout all i want,
i can beg, and i can plead,
and i will never be given an answer.
maybe i will forget you completely one day,
or maybe i will miss the nothing you gave me until my heart gives out.
to the people i hadnt yet loved,
maybe its okay.
fossil marsh