Glistens

[spice jewel]

@undone minnow

[undone minnow]

I have no clue what it all should be but it is so good, it's just a whole story and Im in love

[spice jewel]

@rocky inlet

[rocky inlet]

Oh this is dense, it successfully conveys complex emotions, particularly-
For a while it is clean and smooth. All your energy soothed
suggesting moments of clarity amidst confusion.
The tone is mysterious & introspective, encouraging the reader to reflect on their own experiences….
I would say this ambiguity can be appealing to readers who enjoy deciphering deeper meanings.
Riddle these revelations always cusping at the edge's end
Is somewhat evocative but may be too obscure for most!
Hard to breathe the soft laughter familiar from behind pressure on your back squeezing random memories wracked rapid
This is too convoluted (which is not bad) but it hinders with the flow of your piece.
Overall I would say it shifts in tone quite a bit, particularly in the transition from the abstract, almost ethereal beginning to the more grounded & introspective middle section.
Balancing abstract concepts with more concrete imagery could strengthen this poem.
Hope this helps. 😊

[spice jewel]

Thank you. I continue to struggle toward the perfected abstract/lyrical poem.