#an excerpt pt. 2

2 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

knotty blaze
#

There once was a small baby fox
His mom and him went for a walk
It was warm so he tried for socks
He did not have time for shoe talk

“I'm a big boy, I don't need shoes.”
He says to his mom when she scolds
“You may be big, but can still bruise.
You'll hurt your paws, do as you're told.”

She said it was going to rain
But he wanted to race the sun
Before she could say to remain
Up and away he went to run

(P.S. a rough draft design for the fox.)

frank mason
#

Very nice! I would just say that the 3rd line in the 2nd stanza should be changed to rhyme a bit more, seeing as you're trying to make it all rhyme in the ABAB pattern. Maybe something like, " 'You may be big, but you can still be bruised.' " ?