#Trust

17 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

hushed thorn
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Once Upon a time,
On a midnight dreary,
There, sat a creature, not fine,
Who was Weak and weary.

All he wanted was forgiveness,
And he wanted love.
He felt Betrafulness,
He pondered, searching for love.

He had many friends,
He had many enemies,
He had trust in friends
He lost trust in enemies.

One day, he fought an enemy,
That enemy surrendered,
He still fought the Enemy,
Hatred in his eyes, Enemy wasn't heard.

Until he realized,
He was fighting his friend,
He cried, it was his prized,
Prized friend.

Sat in disbelief,
His friends took everything,
From his gold, even his leaves.
Until, there was nothing.

He sat down, feeling betrayed.
His heart sank deeper than the undergrowth,
Of a tree. He was afraid,
He gulps, saliva goes in his throat.

His enemy showed up.
He said,
“The best enemies,
Are your friends”...

sand trench
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Would u like some constructive criticism?

hushed thorn
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ye

sand trench
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Okay line 2

hushed thorn
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is cliche and refrences "The Raven"

sand trench
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Sorry not

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Lime

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I meant paragraph or wtv it’s called sorry im rlly tired

hushed thorn
#

kk

sand trench
#

You put love twice

hushed thorn
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yeah

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to make a rhyme scheme

sand trench
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It would be nice if you used a synomom

hushed thorn
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true

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also

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"Betrafulness" is slang

sand trench
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Yeaaa, rhyming something with the same word doesn’t always work, you have an amazing poem though and I can really see your potential