THIS IS SO CUTE
#rose (!!disclaimer!! all fiction) -mai
boreal charm
spark burrow
Hmm.
It does wear its heart on its sleeve, which I like in a poem. I personally have never been a fan of using leet speak in poetry. So things like "ur" and "u" stick out to me off the bat. I know some people don't mind it.
The rhymes are simple the message is clear. The big thing I feel like you are lacking in your piece is the flow of the poem.
Good good,
It could help yes.
It's a mixture of syllable count and word choice in my experience which brings out the best flow.
Well you don't have to.
Think about what you want your poem to look like.
Do you want perfect rhyme, or just rhyme within the piece?
It's important to have that end goal in mind so you can sort out what advice or constructive criticism you want to take with you back to your work.
Hmm....
Forget what others like. Take what you like from what they say and make something you want.
He was willing to go line by line through the poem with you.
On VC
That is like three steps above what I see anyone else try to do to be fair.
Which I can understand since typing can take up a lot more time.
I don't think you need perfect meter. But being close to it can help. Like between one or two syllables if you want to try and increase your flow. Try reading those two couplets below out loud to your self.
"i love the way you care
(6)
the way u always share"
(6)
vs
"you notice every small detail
(8)
remember the letter you left in my mail?"
(11)
@rancid warren See if you notice for yourself which one seems to roll off the tongue so to speak.
He hopped into VC to try and help you?
He said it in chat a while back
spark burrow
Oh ok
frank belfry
@rancid warren Lowkey don’t know how to feel abt this, ngl…🤣🤣. This looks amazing though, I love it!
frank belfry
Ayyyyy 👀👀🤣🤣🤣