#Turbulent land

11 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

granite grotto
#

v1)

All this sorrow, eager and betrayal of our innermost self.
Years upon decades in a rush seeking for the Tao, only to end up in a constant loop hoping to turn the right stone.

Could it be that there is wisdom in the tales of the beginnings? Or is everything a mere illusion to guide you across the turbulent land?

Perhaps the stone we seek to turn is right where our path began.
For in our home is all we need, and the flame which reunites us.

v2)

All this sorrow, eager and betrayal of our innermost self.
Endless roars and panic, echoing in the valley of our past.

Years upon decades in a rush seeking for the Tao, only to end up in a constant loop hoping to turn the right stone.

Could it be that there is wisdom in the tales of the beginnings? Or is everything a mere illusion to guide you across the turbulent land?

We shall remain here, now and forever, and bond our truths once again.
Because in quietness, amidst chaos, lies our path back to inner-light.

#

I can't seem to make my mind up which version I prefer more. Maybe some of you here can help a noob (beginner) poetry writer? 😅 bruh

eager notch
#

I prefer the first version. It’s more concise and to the point but both are great! 👍🏻

tawny sedge
#

I think that version 1 flows better, but the ending of version 2 seems better. Also, when you said "Endless roars and panic, echoing in the valley of our past", I find that to be a very good line.

granite grotto
tawny sedge
granite grotto
#

i dont want it to be longer than +- 500 charachters

#

wanna keep it brief

#

and clear

#

so this makes it difficult, but also challenging.

granite grotto
#

All this sorrow and betrayal of our innermost self.
Days upon decades seeking for the Tao only to end up in a constant loop hoping to turn the right stone.

Endless roars echoing in the valley of our past.
While the sounds of current pull against reality.

Perhaps the stone we seek to turn is where our path began.
Maybe the mask we choose to shed reveals the face of origins.

In the here & the now, I carve my path,
Not just to chase passion but to cradle her in peace.
To repay in care, for the soul who gave her all.