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#The Southern Mire
rose flare
love it
Thank ya! I've been sitting on this one for a long while(too long!) and finally decided to finish it.
over every turn and twist might be tweaked to fit with the previous line
like add a syllable or two
otherwise flows tremendously
The only thing I can think of for fixing that is making it "over ev'ry turn and twist" so that it fits in the seven syllables structure of the poem
But I agree that the line feels off in particular
I know it gets rid of alliteration but
what about Over every warp and twist?
you don’t add any syllables but warp feels really smooth with the other r heavy words before it
I'll do that! Thank you!
Changed!
Mists as thick as blood persist is an absolute bar 🔥 🔥
Thank you! I toiled over that line to make it line up with what I had in mind, so I'm glad it came across!
oblique iron
Honestly, I’m too tired to fully analyse this, but I really love the flow of it! The alliteration and circular structure really add the piece and improve it. The rhyme scheme is satisfying to read. You have a really nice eye for description and narration!
rose flare
Thank you so much!
But go get some sleepers >:(
Your body is important and you need to eep
oblique iron
Haha no I know, it’s only 10pm at the minute for me, so I’m unlikely to actually sleep, but I’m definitely going to relax a little. Thanks for sharing your work!