severe canyon
I found today…
Many things I wish I could erase.
Poetry,
about those who did not deserve it.
Looking back on it,
I see the self-hatred.
The pain.
And the loss.
I see the progression of you,
breaking me,
into the shattered “person”
I am today.
I see the brief glimmers of hope,
those moments when you would treat me right.
But I also see the rage,
the anger,
that I keep so tightly locked away,
that threatens to destroy everything I have made,
should my control slip for even a moment.
The anger I keep under lock and key,
the hatred for myself and you
that threatens to swallow me and tear me away in the rip tide.
Because I truly meant nothing to you.
I was a plaything,
An object of your desires,
for you to use and throw away again.
YOU NEVER truly loved me.
And for you to say you did
is a mockery of the love I know I deserve.
I would rather be alone,
with nothing between me and the void in my chest,
then think I am in “love” with a monster like you.
You do not know love.
You do not know joy.
Loving you was a most exquisite form of self-destruction,
and I was in the middle,
burning alive to keep you warm.
Keep your “love.”
Keep your perfect family.
The only thing I feel for you now
is pure,
unadulterated,
burning hatred.
And I grieve the person I was when I met you,
for she will
never
exist
again.
You took her from me,
in a way I can never undo
molten falcon