in love with this - so relatable emotionally and beautiful rhymes. i wish it were a bit longer but as a short poem this is wonderful. please dm me when you post your next poem!
#feedback please
azure lotus
agile imp
Excellent use of vocabulary to replace what would be basic explanations, great flow, and strong topic cohesion. One of the things I would polish it with is emphasis. A poem can seem either too long or too short, and some would think to either write more or less. However, with line spacing or definition using punctuation, you can create a powerful end that makes it seem as if you accomplished a perfect length. For example, you could take the last stanza and do this:
From initial encounter
We were already over
Our beginning, a closure
Led to a break in composure,
When we last said, "Hi"
All I heard was, "Goodbye. . ."
vital osprey
I love the way the stanzas connect - I feel like the message gets across short and sweet. I also like how the words merciless impermanence sound together ^^
muted tendon
thanks everyone for all the feedback i really appreciate it :))