I need feedback for this!

[dull veldt]

I wrote this a few days ago and I want some feedback and some ideas on it, and if anyone has any ideas of what I can add to it.
<@&968253730841567284>

Words swarming like bees
Stinging my heart
Tearing it apart
Chipping away at it
Piece by piece
Showing my soul that not all art can be sane.

The plot of the story was not for me to die
But for my veins to slowly decay-
And for one day-
I say,
"They were smart."
That's all I'll say,
The thing I'll never say,

"All lives start with a sting,"
I shout, only for the wind to hear
"Mine just wasn't in the gut."

[lilac falcon]

Your poem has a sense of raw emotion and the use of metaphor creates a vivid image in the reader's mind. The comparison of words to bees is striking, and the line "Showing my soul that not all art can be sane" adds an interesting layer of complexity to the piece.

In terms of feedback, one suggestion could be to consider the flow of the poem. The first three lines flow well, but the next few lines feel a bit choppy. You may want to experiment with different line breaks or word choices to create a smoother flow.

As for ideas on what to add, you could explore the idea of decay further and use it as a metaphor for something else in the poem. For example, the decay of relationships, society, or even the environment. This could add depth to the overall message of the poem.

Overall, it's a powerful piece with a lot of potential. Keep writing and exploring different ways to express yourself through poetry.