#the truth is toast

2 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

dim bramble
#

It's like I ask for an opinion
churned, straight from the tit
all I get is an artificial batch
Far from freshly churned
Far from naturally made
Ingredients that don't belong
I cant believe you hide the facts
Lies on toast
The taste talks
More then your
Buttered up facts
Where's the farm made butter
For my slice
The truth is truly toast
For your artificial butter to lie

wind narwhal
#

I'd find a synonym for the second instance of churned to help the natural rhythm of the poem. It should be "more THAN your". Lots of repeat words. The idea is solid though, just needs a polish and some visualisation :)