i don't know what to write here but i guess I'm just gonna talked about my daily life's, Hobbies and someone that i love and want to be beside me but cant cause of she is in a different country.
#My Journal
timid carbon
i graduate from collage for culinary art, i was hoping one day after i graduate i can make my own restaurant, work on a cruise ship, and maybe build a cafe where i can work and interact with people but life took a different route i failed to open the first cafes because it wasn't doing too well cause there is a lot more competition now i cant keep up with them cause they can drop the price below mine and pulled away my customer that's why i currently don't want to go back on the cafe industry too many competition making it hard for new cafes to compete.
i mean there is a time when i just want to disappear cause i feel like i have failed in life but good thing i got a bunch of good friends that helped me get back on my feet and start over
Rn i current work at my parents material shop if I'm comfortable with this type of work, i will take over the shop one day as a passed down from my parents and continue to keep it up as long as i can.
i though my life will be bland never even have a girlfriend before or even dating someone, but than i found someone that i feel is the missing piece of my life we talked for a while and it was fun talking to her.
and than i asked her " hey where you lived" she said the us, at that moment my heart kind of hurt cause i lived in the other side of the world and i know even usually online dating isn't gonna go well if they doesn't meet often its just gonna go down hill, she seems to be understanding on what i mean cause she already experience this kind of feeling.
after that we just started talking and chatting as usual but something doesn't feel right i feel like i don't wanna lose her i want her to be part of my life, but than i was pulled back to reality that we are country's apart and i know keeping someone is hard even face to face and yet we are country's apart
i know some people will say " ohh if you love her soo much why don't you go to her country and meet her" well no shit i wanna meet her, hug her, even kissed her but that cost a lot of MONEY, i was planning on going there if i have enough money but its not easy and gonna take sometime to gather all of that money but for now all i can do is just chat with her online, maybe a voice call once in a while, and at least i can make her laugh and smile if she have a bad day.
I'm kinda sad when she is having a bad day cause i cant comfort her in person cause when someone having a bad day being there for them, listen to them, or even cheering them up is the best medicine you can have.
Rn the girl i love is taking a mock exam, she has been working hard to study and preparing herself for this day I'm soo proud of her i wish i was there cheering her in person not just chatting and all i can think of is for her to pass the exam and reach her dream. 😄
sometimes i even wonder .....
- am i even worthy to be with her?
- will i hold her back ?
- what if I'm not good enough for her?
- will i be able to make her happy?
but i guess that's just me overthinking stuff that i shouldn't have overthink it, i should be happy for what i have right now and looking forward for what the future have for us
timid carbon
IM Soo happy when she is laughing and smiling at my jokes or attempt to make her happy, i don't know why Its just making me ( i don't know how to express it with words), im glad i have found her hopefully we are able to meet up soon and look what future have for us
I love you 3000
timid carbon
Well last night wasnt the best night i had cause i have done something wrong that shouldnt have done.
But good thing that the one person i care came and save me from the darkness
I don't know what am i gonna do if it wasnt for her
After a while im started to calmed down a bit Its a round 3am or 4 am at that point that i was able to sleep peacfully and not thinking about the bad stuff that just happen
WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE COUNTRYS APPART
Is this the test that i have to complete to find the one i truly care, if so BRING IT ONNNN
I LOVE HER SO MUCH
If all things goes well and we meet in person i hope i can give her the best experience so she wont forget the day we meet
I know IM not perfect but I WILL TRY MY BEST
She like Kirby and seals XD
timid carbon
well we are getting a matching PFP now , god i love how cute she act makes me wanna meet her more and more
Im soo lucky to be able to found her 
timid carbon
well at least i know she is sleeping soundly and doesn't have a bad day today it makes me happy
i also have to remind her to grab something from the pharmacy
soo i just got inform that 1 of my close friend is in the hospital rn hoping he will get well soon
now im just waiting for her to wake up so i can start her day with a smile on her face
been munching on trail mix since im trying to lose some weight
the progress been slow but steady already lost like 10 kg since started a couple of week ago hoping my weight can go below the 100kg mark i wanna impress her when we eventually meet
been eating 3-4 boiled egg everyday and trying to eat 200 gr of rice and 200gr of chicken every single day to cut some calories
kinda scared to check my weight on the scale cause if i see that its increasing im gonna be sad 
but hey even tho my day always kinda uneventful, i know there is someone that will make my days better and that's why i love her i don't know how my days going to be with out her. im soo luck to have meet her and im hoping one day we can meet each other so we can know each other even more
10 days from i will be going on a vacation, i wonder what should i bring back for the friends, but most importantly i wanna send some item to chloe but GOD DAMMIT WHY SHIPPING SOO DAMN EXPENSIVE!!!!!
timid carbon
damn having someone i love is nice but the fact that we are countries apart making me ( idk how to explaine) yeahh just that feeling kinda eating me rn.
life been boring but with her its been better and better
i cant wait to actually meet her some day i hope if all things goes well she is not gonna be my gf anymore rather becomes my wife
timid carbon
well i just got home from work, took a shower and i don't know what to do now
i have just realize that my life have been soo boring its jsut wake up, work, go home, play game, sleep and repeat
but when i chat with Chloe, it makes my life a little less boring i can laugh and smile while talking or just chatting with her
i still love her and i hope it will never change when we meet, i hope she accepts me 
we have been talking about getting a matching onesie, ngl thats fucking adorable like we wore the same onesie and just laugh and smile face to face 
thank you chloe for making my life alittle bit more colorfull
timid carbon
tonight plan to go play billiards with the boys is canceled 
, kinda a bummer but oh well
damn its really boring without her, i tried to chat the other people but most of em just read and left
timid carbon
i hope she doesnt have to feel the way i feel when im the one who sleeps cause i feel bad if she's lonely
i know me and her have just recently become a couple, but i feel like we have been a couple from far before she ask me
im gonna protect that smile as best as i can
timid carbon
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'sigh' i feel empty
i know probably shouldn't feel this way
but i don't know, im always overthinking stuff
timid carbon
In case i don't see ya Good afternoon, good evening and good night 
timid carbon
No, IM not the perfect guy, i actually kinda do hate my self alot of time, but when im with u i Uhhh don't really hate my self so much i like being around you, idk if i ever told you with Soo many words. soo yeah ....
Im just venting out stuff here so i don't have to keep it inside me, Its bad for me and the other people in my life whom i love and care deeply especially my gf 
, i don't want this negative stuff to affect our relation ships
I know she Will read this journal later and i just wanna say ( you don't need to worry about me 
as usual IM just overthinking stuff and not doing anything stupid )
The sun was shining bright this morning but now Its all dark cloud and rains pouring down i don't believe in weather affecting the mood but this is too perfect of a coincidence to not mention 
timid carbon
Well the more i keep thinking about HER the more she fills the emptiness that is inside me, maybe i shouldn't have think about the bad part maybe i just have to live from the good thing that comes with it, thankyou for making my life better and meaningful
I hope i can make you smile more and laugh harder when we joke and chat around
timid carbon
i know it wont be the same as when we are next to each other but until the time we actually meet and be side by side, i will try my best to not make you feel alone and i will try my best to keep you smiling through tough time and gloomy days.
||***you already make my day better and better, and i want to return the favor by making you happy ***||
timid carbon
Glad Chloe's awake now, its getting starting to get lonely when she is sleeping but now that she is awake its making me happy, my sweet cheeks and my honey bear
today is not a great day, it rains a lot here, we got some flooding in the main access street soo i couldn't go out or even buy food online T_T, from what I'm seeing it will take either 2-3 days until its accessible again.
good thing i still got some snack to keep me company
https://tenor.com/view/saiba-momoi-blue-sechi-blue-archive-eating-junk-food-gif-13556365842863143314
and most important thing is that i got Chloe now soo i wouldn't be lonely anymore
timid carbon
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sometimes i wonder why am i like this
||am i worth it?||
||i have failed and makes people sad many times||
||even the one i cared ||
||*i need time to think about this *||
timid carbon
||ughh this headache is killing me||
timid carbon
I'm glad she is feeling better now
timid carbon
I dunno, random stuff go!!!
Chloe is sleeping rn Soo idk what to do + bored of playing game
Might try to draw something
Gotta buy some pencil
timid carbon
Quack !!
timid carbon
Yipieee Chloe's awake now
timid carbon
i hope she is feeling better
timid carbon
she is feeling a bit better, good for her
timid carbon
||ughhh this headache is killing me ||
timid carbon
im glad Chloe's doing better now, i hate to see her being down and sad
timid carbon
YIPIEEEE Chloe's awake
