#venting journal >:3
71 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)
like
basically
for as far as i can remember, i always been really fat
and i have a bunch of trauma
and prob tons of mental problems ðŸ˜
and one of my way to cope with stress, or sadness, is binge eating
ion wanna self diagnose or wtv but im pretty sure i AT LEAST have deppresion and bulimia
and i often vent abt it another serv
or with my bf
and yesterday i was feeling guilty
bc i ate 5 chocolate candy
so i told him
and he said i should have more discipline with this "addiction"
"as a joke"
i know he meant no harm
but i cant help but feel terrible about myself
about how im jst disgusting and fat
and how he sees me
as someone ADDICTED to food
like
woah
idk why am i so impacted by what he said
maybe bc i really care about how he sees me
i feel so silly rn
been over a year we're together, and been maybe two years im telling him about my relationship with food
and it hurts he sees me like that
but its also a joke
and im overreacting
what should id o
im fucking hanging myself if i ever eat more than 1000 calories by the end of ramdan
i wish i was pretty ...
and skinny
ate 1400 calories i feel so guilty
i got no boobs
fat ass
im ugly
i want to die
i dont want my bf to think im a fatass
im so gross
please someone help idk what to do with myself
they destroyed myself with me
i genuinely hope ill die soon
i hope ill die ...
mate i get laughed at when i overreat on chocolate, get told im selfish and not loving them bc i wanna die and i sh, then the same person will tell me to vent ????
wtf
im not mad
i m jst too prideful
to ridiculise myself
in front of people who think all i want is pity
all i want is a fucking hug
and smth that would make it fucking stop
anyone with poor sleep, shitty days, depressive episodes like i do would get upset easily
i jst want to die
ION FUCKING ANYONE TO CRY ABOUT ME IM TIRED
thats all
it feels like im carrying the fucking world on my shoulders
i fucking love him
idk how to express it
i fucking do love him
words arent enough