#jays vent.

187 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

bitter path
#

im gonna vent in here a lot btw.

#

today

#

i left my computer at home 2day

#

and i borrowed a school computer

#

but forgot to return it

#

and i told my dad

#

and he got mad af

#

like super duper mad

#

and started yelling at me

#

and when i tried to explain

#

he said 'stop making ur silly little excuses'

#

why tf is there a cat reaction on my message

#

this is not the fucking right time yk

#

anyways.

#

i emailed a teacher

#

and said what happened

#

and i went to school to bring it back

#

but the place where i was supposed to drop it off was locked

#

and my dad went off at me

#

and was like 'well that trip was for nothing'

#

'ur just making excuses and wasting my time'

#

'why wont you just fucking stop'

#

and i went silent

#

and on the ride home

#

i tried to hold back my tears

#

but i couldnt

#

and he started yelling at me again

#

saying that crying wont help

#

at all

#

and i got really sad

#

fast forward

#

im in bed

#

writing thsi right now

#

crying

#

and in between the ride home

#

and now

#

i got yelled at more

#

i fucking hate myself

#

and my dad

#

and everyone

#

and everything else

#

my friend is trying to comfort me

#

but i need someone who i dont know

#

i know i need to eat

#

but i dont fucking want to

#

just the thought of eating makes me feel sick

#

im trying not to start ||cutt1ng|| again

#

but like

#

its really hard

#

ik it ,ay not seem like im mad or sad or shit when anyone reads this

#

but trust me i am

#

this is fucking horrible

#

i dont want to talk to anyone

#

or do anything

#

but i need to

#

ive got homework

#

and my mum is going to want to talk to me

#

but i dont want to

#

my friends arent making this any better

#

nor my dad

#

or my nan

#

shes just as worse as my dad

#

i can hear her footsteps

#

pray that i dont get yelled at

#

brb

#

well.

#

that went horribly.

#

more yelling.

#

more fucking crying.

#

i hate life right now.

#

its literally my 4th day of school

#

like of the year

#

why

#

does

#

everything

#

have

#

to

#

happen

#

right

#

now.

#

i mean

#

i guess

#

this stuff

#

absolutely sucks

#

but at least

#

im saying something

#

last time i kept to myself

#

i started again

#

and quite literally broke down

#

in the bathroom

#

at 4 am

#

and tried

#

||sh||

#

so

#

i guess

#

this is

#

better

#

sort of

#

not really

#

idfk

#

whats fucking wrong with me

#

everything

#

ig

#

im going to stop

#

and try

#

to

#

stop being so depressed

#

ig

#

ik its wrong

#

but its hard not to be

#

my bf is texting right now

#

i want to

#

reply

#

but i cant

#

i can tell hes genuinely worried

#

but idk what to do

#

i should probably get off my computer and start doing homework

#

but i dont fucking want to

#

i have to tho

#

ig ill go

#

bye now

bitter path
#

bro istg

#

so like last week or the week before

#

i got into an argument with my mum right

#

it was bad

#

like rly bad

#

and like

#

i kicked my wall

#

and bits of it broke off

#

so i tried to fix it

#

i used nail glue, whiteout, white marker and paper

#

but it just made it worse

#

and like maybe 4/5 ish days ago

#

my mum found out

#

and she yelled at me a lot

#

before school

#

and said that i shouldve just left it

#

and its horrible now

#

and that shes gonna organize smt for me to pay for it

#

but i dont have any money

#

so i need to get a job

#

and stuff

#

anyways

#

that made me rly sad and mad at myself

#

and i went to school rly sad and stuff

#

everyone asked if i was fine

#

i just said i was tired and that i was fine

#

i only told my bestest friend when we were alone

#

oh and

#

im in a server with my friend right

#

and lowk like

#

she said

#

that she was pissed off

#

and that i (i js know it was me ok bc it was the same day and she sort of hinted at it) was acting all sad bc they were tired or sum

#

and she was tired

#

and everyone was asking if i was okay

#

and no one asked her

#

and she was pissed abt it

#

like bro maybe theres just a bit smt more than just being tired thats going on?

#

oh and

#

my nan yelled at me for the past few days when i asked for her to close my door after coming into my room

#

she was like

#

why do you want me to close it?

#

ur not hiding anything r u?

#

and i said it was for privacy and she said

#

you dont need privacy its just me and your parents here

#

and i just kept on asking

#

and saying i just wanted privacy

#

then she yelled at me more and stuff

#

and i accidentally slammed my door

#

and now shes threatining to take my door away if i close it again

bitter path
#

ok hi again

#

istg my life is not it rn

#

im getting bullied again

#

im very self conscious

#

im getting made fun of

#

i hate myself

#

i do sh

#

i can’t trust anyone

#

this is just not it

#

im stressed about school

#

and studying and exams

#

im being forced to study with no breaks

#

i starve myself

#

I’ve tried to ||k1ll|| myself

#

I’ve tried to run away and im thinking of doing it again

alpine vessel
#

im rly rly sorry cs it prolly is rly rly hard for u. ur listing all these stuff like they make u different or weird but ur js struggling n at a bad state of mind n life which changes at a point. sh, suic attempts, running away n allat might js be ur way of coping n dealing w struggles but there r alternatives n things are never permanent. things do change, ur still here for a reason n surviving even if its hard but rmb theres rain at the enda every storm n may god bless n heal uu I genuinely hope things get better! 🤍