#idk what to call this
1 messages · Page 4 of 1
Kageyama
Fire dance peak
Ill message her later cuz she deserves to have fun w liam
I don't want to take that away from her
Liam just sent me a reel
So they're not there yet
I feel sick
It's fine
Im fine
She likes me
She won't abandon me
She likes when I message
What if sbe
Sides with Liam and charlie
And leaves me for tbem
I'm alone now
Im fine
Im okay
Im fine
Im okay
Im breathing
Im fine
Im okay
I'm shaking
I need to get into bed
Im sorry
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry for being such a fucking looser
I hate who I am
I'm so
Yuck
Oh my god
My eyes hurt
I can't stop her from having a good rime
I could never do that
I don't want to do that
Im so disgusting
Ugh German
It's fine
She'll have a good time
She'll come back
Then maybe we'll play together
I'll send gifs to myself
I can't fuin her day
I hope she's having a good time
That'll make me hapy
I have no motivation for anything anymore
Kms
I womt
Yah yoda core
Help
Okay I'm gonna stop saying stuff in general cuz it's just draining more from me
Iwanttokmssobadly💔💔💔😭😭😭
I wont
I wont
Ewufh
Iyaoyaiya
Sndbdndb
Bug is me
I love that I have songs I relate to deeply in and then there's just
I'm so fucking stjpid
Abyways
Hi me
Hello
I'm so tired
Djdnf
I hope she's having a good time
Nvm im deleting that
I'm sure it's just cuz she's w everyone
It's fine
It's fine
It's fine
It's fine
She's fine
It's fine
Im fine
I'm not fine
Jelp
My eyes hurt so nuch
Everything huets
I can't besdbe
And I feel like I'm gonna throw up
I'mokay
That's a lie
Bur I'm okay
Trust gang
Yn mym isndbreolting tonneee
My mum is still not respondingf
Loeclt
When girlfriend leaves I'll probably fall asleep
I am NOT going to forget what that YouTube short told me last night
Maybe ir was to make people not cut deep
That's such an odd video tho
Why
Help
Yeah surface cuts hurt more ofc
Id u want to numb the pain u have to cut deeper!
What
Insane video
It's showing me a lot of stuff that have things to do w suicide lately
Mainly vocaloid but still
Like help okay
Eahvh
My mum's not replying
I have German in 4 minures
3 nvm
Im actually about to fall asleep
Surely she can't make me
She will
She will make me
She always does
I've reached my limit and gone WAY past ir by going to school
2 minures
Villain nughtcord peak
I love superstar
One minjre
She's not replying what
I can't hold myself
My body isn't working
She's not replying
I swsar
Id she makes me
She will make me
Oopsies Germans starting
What if I just go to sleep
In so exhausted
HEKL YEAH SHE SAID YES
I can't have my phone or anything thi
Bye gang
I will sleep
If my mum emails the school they'll know it was me and then I'll get beaten up
I don't want to get beaten up
I will make sure nt mum won't enail
She's not okay
I can tell
I don't want water
I've had barley any today
What if she doesfn kike me and jrs all just
It's all a lie
I'll habe water later
Maybe
I think I'm gonna pass ojt
I miss her so much I'm gonna cry
I think she
Doesn't like me
My heart hurts
I don't know what to do
Jias messaging me but I can't message her I'm sorry
The only one I can talk to is my girlfridn
My mum wants me to sit w Emma and everyone again tomorrow
I canr
She's not replying to me I'm scared
I'm so scared
I can't brsfhe
My knee hurts
I miss her
I miss her
I miss her
I want to skip these appointments
I don't like tnem
I just want to be w her
Only 2 sleeps
I can breathe
No it's not it's 3 sleeps
What if she doesrn want me
I'll have water so I don't pass our cuz I want to see if she replies to me cuz that's the most important thing to me atm
Eauhh
Water
I had watet
R u proud of me gabg
Jeremiah
I talked about spending time w her in ot today
My ot things we're just really close best friends
She's my best friend but she's also my girlfriend
She's the best
Am I the best for her though
What if I'm not
I need to get even better
My lungs hurt
I miss her so nuch
I don't want to go away
What if the appointment wasn't an appointment and it was something else and now she's gone
I can't breathe properly
I
Im gonna cfy
In scared
Im shaking
I can't breathe properly
Living is so hard
I can't survive without her
It's been like not even 2 hours
I can't breathe
Im scared
I have 10 minjfes
In scared
I can't bearhe
I can't see properly
My visions bluery
Im shakinf
I'm so scared
I'm so fucking sxared
What if her mum made her do something
I can't breathe
What if she's gone
What if she broke her pronise
Please
I can't bresrhe
The thought is just
Setting me off
Im scared
I'm so scared
I want to be w her forevee
Im
I think I'm gonna pass iur
What if she's dead
What if she's dead
What if she's gone
For good
Fir ever
She's gone
She's not dead
My theoat hudfs
Im scared
I'm so scared
Im sonscared
Hoe wanted to take one of my marshmallows
I'm not eating then but I'm not giving one to you you sweaty dumbass
I can't breathe
I don't want her to leave me
It's her choice but
I
I want to keep her
I'll be selfish for just that
I want to keep her safe for the rest of my kife
She's not okay I'm gonna cry
I want to be able to help
I want to be able to hold her
Why isn't this going thru
Nvm it did
I want to hold her in my arms for the rest of my life and protect her from everything bad
She said it's okay
It's not
Somethinfs not right
Its
Im
I can't brsafhe
Somethinfs wronf
Somethinfs not right
Sinetbinf happened
I can't breate
Why am I never there to protect her
Why canr I be there
Why can't I be w her
Why can't I sheikd her
Why can't I make things better
What if she's going to attempt again
I won't survive id she does
The only thing getting me thru life is her
The only thing getting me thru school is her
The only thing getting me thru everything is her
Im scsred
If she's gone
I am gone
I swear I will kill myself
I have no reason to loce
Live
The pain will be for nothing without her
Living will be no use without her
I have no future without her
Without her I literally see nothing
What if she's gonna kill hedsldf
Im
I fsnt
I can't
I can't do fhis
I cant
I can't do do
I c
I canf
Plese
My heart is
I don't know
I need to work
How am I going to work
I dant
What if she kills herself while I'm gone
What if she kills herself while I'm sleeping
What if she kills herself while in at school
My life was nothing without her
If she's gone then it's nothing again
I met her then life was suddenly worth living
I was so close to ending it but I met her
I met her
If she's gone from my life
I don't exist either
I cant
If she doesn't keep her promise
Im
I will die too
I can't breathe
She said not to worry and stuff
It's not okay
It's not okay
Sinetbinf is wrong
Sinetbinf is wronf
I can't
I can't live without her
Nothing is worth ir without her
I HATE vietnam
No honey we don't hate vietnam
I HAYE VIETNAAM
(I HATE fsk
(I HATE SCHOOL
(I HAYE WORK
I HATE
I HATE vikki
Vikki can shbau
Why did that take AN HOUR
MORE RHAN AN HOUR
BRO
I HATE
Hey I got to put pjsk and vocaloid in it rho
And I put earthworm Sally as me because that's what I did ages ago
I HAD TO FUCKING RE DO IT BECAUSE VIKKI WAS A CUNT
I HAD TO RE DO JT ALL
IM PISSED AF HER
If this isn't good enough I swear fucking hell
This isnt a vent this is a RAGE
Hah..
Minimum rage mentioned..
Eaugh I feel sick
I overworked myself
Just let me play and talk w her already 😭😭😭😭
I don't want to do German noe too
I'll do it on Monday or whatever it doesn't matter
I don't care about German let alone work at all
My girlfridn comes first but others don't let me put her first
Im breathing so heavily I rushed that so hard so I could be back
I lowkey
I can breathe
I can't
But I can trust
Im breathing
Im okay
I tell girlfriend later when she's back but for now I tell myself
Like here
I put gumi for vocaloid
I put a random horse
I put a random blue heelee
I put more more jump
For cosplay
Cuz that's what I want to work on next even tho I won't be able to but srill
Uhhhhh
Whayelse
I think that's it
I can't wait to tell herhwrherhehehwhehehheheheherrrrddsedieidiwisisidrir
It's not that interesting
It's not interesting at all actually
She might not want to hear about it
I've got other interesting things I rhjnk
Foot
My shoe is odd
I'll tell her at sleepies or sometbknf like or when I'm like
When I have my results back or somethinf
Hopefully tomorrow
Hopefully
Accept me
Hire me
Hire me
Hire me
Hi ire me
Hire me
HIRE ME
I'm so scsred
She's not replying to me
I'm so scared
I'm so scared
I'm so scared
I'm so scared
I'm so scared
I can't brwsrhe
Im scsred
Is she dead
She's gone
There's nothing I can do
There's nothing I can do
I can't do
Abyrbinf
About ir
What if she's back in the ohsyc ward
What if she attempted
If shes in the ohsyc ward id get so distressed id make myself bleed out a painful desth
Im sfared
What if she's dead
If she's dead
And if I find out she's dead
Im killing myself
I don't care
There's no use for me if I'm without jer
She makes me feel wanted
And she makes me feel like I have a purpose in this world
She appreciates me
Without her I'm nothinf
Can I live at jias house with her
She's offered
We would just need to get jobs and like have money for flights down
Im overthinking
Surely
Please
Surekt
I hate my brain
I hate my brain
As soon as I get the thought I go into an endless spiral
But its then okay when she's there
If she messages I'm okay
When I can talk w her im okay
She makes everything begyer
I can't deal w things by myself
I'm glad I have jer
She makes it begyer
She's there to reassure me
And she promised me
So it's okay
And I trust her
It's okay
I'm just overthinking
My stupid brain
She's okay
Im just overthinking
She's okay
Im okay
She'll message soon
She's busy or something and I need to respect that
It is okay
It will be okay
I am okay
I can brwarhe
Kagehina
Okay I'm breathing
I fell asleep accidentally and I feel so bad my stomach burts
My dreams were weird
I was w her tho and I'm so sad
I was gonna play w her after my switch was charhed
I ruined it
I fell asleep and
FUCKINF
I want to reverse time why the fuck did I have to fall asleep again
I'm so sad what the duck
I slept w my jumper on tho so it's like I had her w me stkesdt
Still it's not good enough rjenrnf DBNRFJ
Eaugh
I feel so sirry
Miku Jeremiah and pietro were next to me tho
Ejsbdndjdjddn srkl
I feel bad what ifjje
Like what if
She promised irs okay
I wish my mum woke me up to feed ammt wbat tbe fuck
My fingers r so short what
In not showering in gonna shower tomorrow I need to be here when she's back
Maybe she's asleep already
I can't get that fucking balloon
Just a fucking sky egg
Dndnfndnd I want to be w her
If she's sleeping or doesn't wanna organize it today then I ask if we can tomorrow
I need to find my apple pencil cuz then maybe after my likit I can work on merry
OMG CUZ WYSHESHSHAAAA AHABABASAAHAHAHHA IT DOESNT HAVW A LIMIT AND I CAN STILL SEARCH SFUFF
AHAAHAHAH
SO I CAN HAVE A TAB OPEN OF MERRU IM OMG
I'm so happy
I've got it planned out in my head
I need to clean my iPad case tho it's crusty
Rnnffnfndndndndnfnfndndnde
Ugh it's school tomorrow
Irs the last week nrul holidays rho jrs okay
Hopefully then sleepiee
I feel so unmotivated
I keep checking to see if she's nessaged ejrnffnrnrnrnrn
Lanade
Kanade
Im emu otori
Emu means SMILEEEKEEEE
What if she thinks I ifnired her
And she's mad at me
I .miss her
I got iced coffee from a balloon what
Im dehydrated
I keep just staring at the thingy w her idk what to call it our chat or whagever
Im not doing anything in animal crossing ieadjfndn I just want to be w her
Eaugh
This sucks
Im scared now
It's almost been an hour
She promised and she's probably just sleeping and I'm overthinking it jrs kjay
There's someone in general who likes haikyuu wha
Rjtntndndmn
I feel so chuldish
Like when ur parents leave u at kindergarten
I miss her I want to be w her I want her
Oh my god im so glad she's on animal crossing
She's not dead
Good
Oh
One hour left
I hate this why do I have to have a ljmut
I hope she's back before my ljnit
It's says she's offline for me on animal crossing what
Im hallucinating badlt
I feel really sick
Apparently hallucinations arentgood gang
I knew that already
I want to be able to see her on the holidays
Bur at the same time if she doesn't want to or if she's too exhausted to then that's okay too and I'll respect that
I hope she doesn't hate me
I feel so sick
I feel so lonely without her
I'll probably cry all holidays
Nvm I'll have no time cuz my family will be home the whole fime
Scjool is way too much for me
I can't handle it anymore
And now loke
No sleepove
It's fine
It's okay
I feel so sick
I just want to go home
And cry
And sleep
Until I can see her again
What if I can't see her
Im brearhinf
I am okay
I hate people
People hate me
And fair enough
I'm not very likeable
Im
Like odd
Along e my stupid little habits
Krlfmfmd
I feel like I'm going to faint
What if I'm dying
My head hurfs
Eauhh
I hate who I am
Im breathing
I feel like I need my whayever it is
I never use it
Bur I need to breathe
Thing for asthma
Villain
I love villain
I miss her
ONG THE GIF PKAYED AT RHE RIGHT TIME FOR THE ENDINF
My back hurtd
I think my spine is deteriorating
Bernie doesn't like me
Fair enigh
I'm gay and he hates gays
What if she hates me
Or shed drsd
Rktmmgkrkdfmmf
I feel pointless
Birdbrain real
My eye hurts what
Uhoh
When is lunch
It is lucbh
Esit
Stop
😭
I was hoping she'd be back
Tis okay
I'm just overthinking
Like I always fo
Oh it's time
I feel so sick
In good j have until 1:50 YAYA
I don't care about my friends anymore
They make me feel like shit
And I can't do anything about ittttt
And I can't go to guidance ever or I'll get screamed atttt
If I get help I'll get punishedddd
Yayayaaaa
Jdnfnfjfjdkdfi
Real car
If I find out she's not alive I'm killing myself right here
Im sad
Im scared
I want to be w her
Dna fr
Frfr
Frfrftfrrkrkfnfkf
Fjfnfgkfkkffjjfjff
I feel so lonely
I have my animal crossing villagers
They're always happy to see me
I hate mee
Yayesiaa
I feel so gross
I hate people touching ne
I DONT GOVE A SHIT IF UR MY PARENT
DONT TOUCH ME
I didn't like that when I was little so why do u keep doing jt
That's why I don't sit with the fsmily
To have her over I'm going to have to deal with it tho
And not snap
Eajgj
I can't eat in front of my family
Im not good enough
She deserves more than me
I'm also a shit child
No wonder my mjms like that to ne
She's probably just clicked
Fair enough
Im shit
Sjes not bsfk
I have a headache
No itd not a jesdsche
Idk what it is
I'm so tired
I want to be w her
She's
What
If
What jf
If she is im gone too
I feel like shit
My mjm just casually dismissing the fact that im suicidal again
I never stopped being suicidal
Maybe she doesn't take me seriously
I mean who would
Irs me
Golden fred
That's fredbear but
I love
In scared she's dead
20 minjres
How am I gonna survive English
If I sleep when I get home it'll prove my mjms point
I can't sleep
Ekfjdjdjdjf
I feel
Rsugh
I can never cry
Im never allowed to cry
I always have to just
Suppress Mt emotjons
Supressn mt emofjons and exist
My eyes hurt
Oh my god I feel so sick
Cjfnfnfjjfjf
I love staring inti soace
Im scared
In scsred she doesn't like me
Im scared she's desd
Im scared
I'm so scared
Im so tireddd
My finger hurts so much
Phew he didn't open my door
I'm so tired
Im falling sleep
I won't sleep until she back fho
Im so fkfdd
I need do mwaaage jia and miley but I only have energy to message wife
Wif
My fingers going numb against
Ijjm
I'm so sleepg
People r looking at mrrrreee
This is MY spot
MINE
My finger hurts smn
If I tell anyone about it they'll think like the wrong thing about my mum
She didn't do it ok purpose
Owwies
I'll play pjsk
Bitch r u still fucking in there
I hate teachers what the fuck
Just let me go to my little place
They're louder than the srudents
SHIT THE FUCK UP
What the fuck
Im so hungry
My finger hurts
Bro in so hungry what the fuck
A bit more than an hour and then I get to talk to her tho
It's worth it
I mean it'll always be worth it to talk to her
Iendnrnddnd I'm so hungry
Why did my mum call me a pig
I
Anyways
Then she wonders why I don't like eating w everyone
I'm so hungry
I hope I can play animal corssint with wife todsy
I'm so hungry that I feel sick now what the fuck
I don't ask for maccas cuz we probably won't have time and money and also i don't want to seen like a pig
Idk what I'm doing wrong
What am I doing that makes me a pig
I'm so good at masking fashion pookie didn't notice anything
My stomach hurts orjff
Some kid came up to ne
Abyways
I'm so hungry
Dies she want me to gain weight or not
Id u tell me I'm a pig ofc I'm not gonna want to est
Kids r so annoying what the actual fuck
I'm so hubgry
Am I not enough
Ew kids
I wish I could have my 3ds cuz I'm so sad I can't message her while I'm playing at school
My feet r numb
I miss her
My mum asked if I wanted maccas and I said I didn't mind because I didn't want to sound like a pig
Im really self conscious now
I'm not hungry anymore
Well I am
Ugh
My finger hurts srull
I love oberride omf
My finger is going numb now
Aaaaaa
Bernie is certainly interesting
A party
Not that I would go to a party but still
Yumyum
My finger is so numb
Is that normal
Uhuhm
Wife not back
Sjdfdkdj
I look odd
I miss ber
I need to get sm stuff done and I'm dying from cramps
I havnt even stsrted
Eajajah
My stomach hurtsss
I hate my period
I. Need to do this so I can have her over but I physically cabt
In trying not to fall asleep
I feel like theowind up
I have to do pilates too eauhhv
I havnt done any work yet eirher
Idsmile peak
I have so little energy that even pjsk is taking energy from me
I stopped playing at 11
Okay stuff from ot
Suppressing my emotions and only showing my true emotions when w annabelle is why I have no energy all the time
I need to find a way to not suppress everything and be able to cry and stuff
And yes I forgot what else
Still gonna cry at only 3 am and w annabelle cuz that's when I feel safe to tho
I can finally rest
I miss her so much
It's been 4 days
I brearhe
Yah
Yah
Yah
I havnt used yah in ages
MUSIC
Sweaty
Liam saying people r inforinf him? Uhhm
When people don't talk to u for a few hours but they do talk to u every single other second of the day id say it's a once off
He talked to me today because he was desperate for someone to talk ro
All the other times he just ignores me
Wbat
Abyways
It's fine I've got my girlfriend to talk ro
And my animal crossing villages to talk to
J accidentally pissed off judy this morning
YAY SWITCH HAS CHARGE
I'm so excited for when wife comes to my islanddd
Omg I need to work on wxs things so then that can be his theme
Im finding inspiration and I'm happy but I'm just so sad
In so sad
I would say it's fine but my ot said it's okay for it not to be fine
No it's fine
Jt is fine
I'll stop lying to myself one day which will be when I'm living w ber
It's fine
There's blood from my nose bleed on my switch still
I'm emu otori
BELL
HELP
IM CFYINT
IM DYINGG
Not even that made me smile but it loosened my face so I mean at least that's like
Iyaiyaiya
Boy do I love emotions
Kanade is so me I can understand why I have the same mbti as her
I go thru screenshots to make me happy
I feel so lonely
Addis in brisbane but I just want to message her I don't want to message anyone else
I miss her
My ot said
I forgot what she said when I said I'm barley able to cey
D
N
A
I'm in ppain
I hate my period
Im lonely
She probably finally realized that I'm borinf
I hate who I am
I can't cry
I'm not allowed to cry
I'm not allowed to show my emotions
Real
I want to be around ber
I want to be around her
She makes me feel safe and wanted
And needed
And loved
Echo real
Iove vocaloid
Dmfnfkrkdnfnfnsnsnsnfjfjejssn I should write down all the vocaloid songs I relate to one day
It would fill up a whole book
I'm so sad
Am I
I nee
Idk
I hate
Me
She's realized how boring I am
She'd rather spend time w others
Fair eniygh
Or what id she's dead
If she's dead I'm sitting mt writs tonight
Idc about anythinf id she's dead
I can't breathe
I can't see
She doesn't like me anymore
I can't brarhe
What if she's dead
What if she's gone back
I have no reason for anything id she's gone
Or what if
She's in hospfa
Snd
That's why
That's why
Thahd why shes
Im
She's the only one who understands me
The only one who I trust
The only one who I feel absolutely safe with
The only one I can be my true self with
The only one I lovd
I can't breathe
I need to focus on the thing I'm doing because it'll make me happy because irs for her bur
I cant
I cant
Id she's dead IRS not worth ir
Nothing's worth ir
Hey I have 4 more blades now
What if I starve myself too
Yeh I'll starve myself too
I'll cut myself 800 times
No I'll go w my lucky number
3000
I'll bleed ojt
And die
If she's gone no one will miss me
What if I get a knife rho
Hey
That could be nice
I'll become yuri
I'll stab myself 30 times
If she's
I can't do this
I wish I had sharper blades
Nvm they're probably blunt from sm use
That's the good thing about my parents not suspecting abyrbinf or my support workers
I can buy as many as I want and not get questioned
More more jump jump jimp
I'll die before I get an append
Oh well
Not like itd be worth ir with her gone
Im
My heart is racing
Miley said for me to not kms
No infact I'm not eating morjer
Jia also told me to not kms
She begged me infact
Last year
Im only staying alive if she's alive
Sorry gang
My life has no use otherwise
What if I snap my bones
Real
What r reasons to not kms
Bro
The only reason
Is her
She's the only reason I have to not kill myswlf
What fucking list
There's no list
Irs just ONE
I want to carve my flesh
Im going insane
I want to be with her
She makes me feel better
I can cry normally around her
Anemdndndksnsksmsk
I will not kms
(if she's alive)
I will kill myself if shes dead
I don't care
Nothing is worth it without her
My ot said I shojldnt get a job until I've sorted out like emotions
I can't be calm until I'm w her
So I have to get a job so I can
Mafuyu is so relatable fifk
Me staring at
No
Wait it's my vent I can say it
Me staring at my ||blade|| HELP ME
Im going insane
Birdbrain
Hey can I become a gummy bear
Oh the gifs
And can my head get chopped off
Plesd
Iyaiyaiya
I'm so scared
Eimmgn the ndsnsns skmsnddnsnd
I'm so scared
What if she's lying
Im
Wait it's April 1st
Im so scared
I'm so fucking scsred
What if she's lying
And she kills herself
And I'm all alone
Wiithout her I'm worthless
I can't make it thru life without her
Im scared I'm scared imnscared
What if I'm not a good eniugh reason
If she dies I am going to kill my self so brutally that it will go down in history
CAN BERNIE SHUT THE FUCK UP I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD
I HAYE HIM
EVWN WIRB MT DOOR CLOSED
HEA SO LOUD
SHUT UP
He just said to me
"no need to scream, relax"
He got that from his dad
Wow
I only screamed because he wouldn't listen to me as I kept getting lihder
And irs making me panic
Oh my fucking god
Now my throat hurts
I can't wait to live w her
And be away from this fucking loud shit