my journal -sol | Huddle | Page 1

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i see, hello. i go by sol, not my real name (no shit sherlock!) i don’t really want anyone i know finding this, but i also kind of want someone to read it. which is probably the whole point.

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i’m a nursing student. i do fine in school. i’m not struggling academically or anything. i just don’t have any motivation to actually do the work

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i have friends, technically. i hang out with them sometimes. but i don’t really talk to anyone about how i feel or just in general. there’s one girl i’ve liked for a long time and she’s pretty much the only person i ever want to talk to but she always leaves me on devlivered, so that's kind of one-sided.

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i’ve been thinking about emotions a lot lately and i don’t think i understand them the way other people do.

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i can remember moments that were “good” but when i think back, it’s more like i remember the situation, not the feeling.

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like people talk about being happy or excited or in love and i get what those words mean in theory

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i don’t know if i’ve actually felt them.

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but sadness i definitely feel.

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that one's real.

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that’s the part that messes with me. i don’t have a good reason to feel like this. nothing horrible has happened to me.

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i’m not struggling in obvious ways.

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so why do i feel so empty and tired all the time?

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i keep trying to figure out what my thoughts even are. like i’ll sit there thinking i’m “thinking”, but it’s mostly just noise.

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it's all fragmented, half sentences. random memories that don’t connect to anything.

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i can’t tell if i’m emotionally numb or just emotionally stupid.

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when i’m not sad, i don’t know what i am.

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i’m just… neutral. blank.

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“what’s wrong with you?”
“is it depression?”
“is it social media?”
“is it just laziness?”

okay well fuck you

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sorry I don't fit like water in a glass? pick one. label me. close the case. move on. god forbid something just doesn’t make sense.

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“you just need to try harder”

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yeah and you just need to shut up.

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“so what do you want then?”
i want you to stop asking me questions like i’m a fucking survey.

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my journal -sol

#my journal -sol