Ik your probably asleep and I'm definitely gonna delete this message but lately I've been really struggling I don't know what's wrong with me anymore I just don't wanna be alive I probably won't be going to school tomorrow as I took more painkillers then your apose to which means I will get sick but I do it so I don't have to go to that hell hole that's full of people judging especially cause I cut past my sleeve by accident this time my mam will probably still make me go as she doesn't care if I'm sick or anything she only cares about my brother I don't eat any more the most I have is probably cheese crackers I hope I get better but I honestly don't have any energy I cut to feel something I drink energy drinks so when it wares of I'm tired and I can sleep which is nearly impossible with all the shouting you know your the only one that will be receiving this message even when I delete it cause I feel like a burden to everyone but your the one person I trust even if it's just online(this was to my online friend)
#Venting
slim blaze
slim blaze
I'm just gonna do what I don't yesterday send and delete it as i don't like people's affection really as I never really received it back I give it and try act golly and smiling but in school and at home I feel so empty like I can't enjoy anything anymore I just feel so alone. I want to get better but what's the point if its gonna get worse I want to prove there is something wrong with me I honestly was looking in pills today before I told myself it's not worth it as it'll be embarrassing if I fail agabe. I'm always relapsing and thinking about getting back into vaping . I'm never gonna be good at anything someone's always better even when I try so so hard I can't cry and I don't know why my brother has been around me lately but I keep getting angry at him he annoyed me today and I accidentally broke the door frame and it has a crack up the side now. He's not talking to me. My mam said I remind her of my dad which is the worst complement I ever reseaved . My friend called me useless cause I didn't bring lunch today cause I give her my lunch and now she's not talking to me I just feel so shit rn and I feel like no ones ever gonna like me. I have to say I lied with what I mentioned that I stopped myself. I stopped before I took to much my eyes are closing so I'm probably gonna sleep soon. Every day I think about what would happen if I just jumped into the river I feel guilty but at the same time I don't cause no one cares no one will ever care for me. Its weird how I watch the blood drip and wish for someone to look at me and notice or notice how I hate school and social activities or how I tug on my left sleeve . This girl in my class keeps pointing out how I don't eat I don't care if she's being nice I want her to shut up cause now the teachers are asking the side of my hand is all torn up as I scrape when nervous so I've been scraping the same spot in school I can feel blood dripping down and it drives me mad I don't know what's wrong with me any more
(Sent this to my friend again but deleted)