Amelcia | Huddle | Page 1

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I hate my overthinking

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I hate myself

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To be honest I hate myself really much

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I feel stupid

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I do stupid things

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Am stupid at all

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My personality is terrible

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Everything is terrible about me

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Am a terrible person

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I try to much

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I try to be a good person to much

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But I forget

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Am not

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And I will never be a good person

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I wanna help my friend

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But I try to much she said she doesn't want and I still keep on saying please lets talk about it am sure we can find how to get out of that situation

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Stuff like that

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She said no

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And I still keep on going

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Am stupid

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But I just want her to feel good

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I guess am to terrible a friend

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Now she's ignoring me

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Am cooked

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So much cooked

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She's my best friend

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Or was

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An hour ago

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Now I messed everything up

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She's ignoring me because I wanted to help her

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She said no

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I kept on going

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I kept on saying I can help

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Why am I so stupid I can't understand she doesn't want my help ?

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I really don't know maybe am to stupid ?

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Probably

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I would love to have a person caring about me and saying the same things to me like I do to her

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I guess I just don't deserve that too

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And my problems are not important

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For others

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Its just worse and worse everyday

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Today was the worst day

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I lost her because I wanted to help her to much

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But what else could I do ?

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I don't wanna stand there like an idiot and look at my friend be sad

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I needed to do something

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I want her to feel good

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I would be so happy if someone did that to me

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I keep saying to her I do stuff to myself but I guess she doesn't mind she just says okay

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Deep down there I want to say I want help

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But I don't want to bother her

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I try to say to her I want help

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But I just guess she don't care

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If she says okay every time

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Idk maybe I expect to much

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I don't want to expect to much but

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Is it that hard to

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To just

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Say Amelia stop don't do that lets talk I want to help

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Or just

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Amelia don't do that anymore don't cut yourself lay it down

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I guess it's to hard

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Or am not worth anything and she doesn't care about me

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I would love to get help from her

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Like I try to help her

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But no it doesn't matter

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Its better to ignore me and say I don't even know what am talking about

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Yeah

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She's right

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It's hurting really much

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Or am overthinking and overreacting

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I text all time when I can I say if I can't

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And she can text but no she want to play okay that's okay you can play am okay with that but you can also text reply once in 5 or 10 minutes

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And not once in 6 hours

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And the worst and most hurtful thing is

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She doesn't even say

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She's playing

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And then

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I overthinking what I do wrong

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Why did she leave

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Because it looks like that

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You can reply but you don't

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You can say am playing I'll reply later

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But no why do that

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Lets just hurt me

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Yeah

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Thanks

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That just makes me more depressed

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Because I try

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Really much I put so much in our relationship and I get nearly nothing

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We agreed on watching anime togheter today

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I wanted she wanted

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How did it end up ?

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I asked what are you up to

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She said am watching anime

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Oh nice that's great without me

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I didn't say that of course

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I just said

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That's nice I hope it's nice watching have fun

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And no she didn't want to watch with me clearly

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Even tho we agreed

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She could have said when she said she's watching

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Hey Amelia sorry maybe you want to watch with me ?

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But no

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She didn't

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She just don't care

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About me

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Probably and I understand that

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Am useless and not interesting

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I hate my personality

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Maybe I should just

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Stop talking to anyone

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And be totally lonely

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And get back to start

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If I clearly have a problem over anything

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Am to stupid

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Maybe I should just leave everyone and have my own private life

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I won't expect I won't give

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Maybe that's better

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Then I wouldn't hurt anyone

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I wouldn't say stupid things

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I wouldn't give anythig

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It will be better for everyone

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Then I wouldn't be irritating to people

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I clearly am

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If a person ignores me

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I don't deserve anyone anyway

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I don't deserve anything at all

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I just deserve to

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Fell bad everyday

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Today my mental health

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Got the worst in my life

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Like rn

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It wasn't worse

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I don't even want to fell better

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Am trying to get it even worse

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I don't know why

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Yeah it's stupid

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Its all because if this

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Of what happened pretty much today

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But it's my fault

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Everything is am too stupid to have a friend

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She didn't even write goodnight

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Am overthinking

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An going crazy

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What did I do wrong

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Why is she ignoring me

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Just why

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What did I do wrong

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Is worring and trying to help a friend so bad ?

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I thought it was good

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I would love to get help from a friend

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But it doesn't matter anymore anyway

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I try to speak nice

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Not dry

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Interesting

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And what do I get

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A dry reply

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"ok"

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Or

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"aha"

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Yeah thanks for that reply

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It helps really much

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Its not hurting to text nice much and get a reply like that

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No no it's fine

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Yeah totally

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Not hurting

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To be honest

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Its hurting really much

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Everything is hurting me

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Am overreacting

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Am overthinking

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I hate myself

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I hate my stupid personality

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I expect to much

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Or I say stupid stuff

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That maybe aren't even as how I see them

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And am overthinking and overreacting

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I hate it

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I hate myself

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And I really do love her

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I really need her

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But am to stupid

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Am messing everything more up everyday

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I don't want nothing anymore

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Am tired of everything

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I just want peace

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Maybe I'll get peace

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Today even maybe

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Soon maybe

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It would be the best

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Then I wouldn't bother anyone

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I wouldn't irritate anyone

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Yeah I'll do that

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I want peace

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I'll get peace

#Amelcia