i dont know tbh | Huddle | Page 1

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i envy those who loves themselves... like how do u even love urself this much... yk ur flaws more than anyone else on this earth

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i mean i dont know bout others but me? lmfao i hate myself more than anyone else lmfao

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im a coward... it like tht im still tht lil gboy hiding in a corner of a dark room

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thts who i am

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irl... i keep a facade of a chill guy

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like nothing really matters

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everbody says "all of us exceptional in a place fs" no no... not all of us... wtf are u talking bout

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i mean look at me

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i failed as a son... as a student... as a friend... as a bf... mostly as a human

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im fuckin shit at everything i do... im not even mediocre... im below tht... like i have disappointed my parents so fucking much in my life

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my elder sister... she is the ideal daughter and the ideal student

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the 1st at everything

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thousands of medals and certificate

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me?

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0 medal 0 certificate 0 achievements

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my father is a professor. of physics.. and well a lot of ppl knows him where i am... always been the "Brother of her" "Son of him"... i was never just "Shahir"

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why would i be?

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do i have reasons?

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tbh no

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i barely pass the tests... im not athletic im not the smartest guy in the room... im nothing in the room tht id stand out

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i dont even have a talent...

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like wtf did i ever do in this life

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do u know i never thought insecurities would ever even touch me... lmfao... why i dont have any idea

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but as more days pass by i start to feel more and more shit... tbh im so ugly tht my gf didnt even bother to defend my when her frnds made fun of me and my looks (i wasnt there btw...)

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instead she went on to reply with lmao

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ik tht she loves me fr... but why would she even defend

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i mean im chopped so yea its justified kinda lol

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and i wish my insecurities were to stop there

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im short... 5'6 yea nvm... my face is full of acne im a 3/10... and most importantly... one day a guy called my gf a slut... the amount of rage i got tht day was something tht i never felt... but i still couldnt go and punch him in the face... bcz im just weak... there were ig 10 more ppl with him... i knew if i do tht ill just be the one making fun of myself... so i backed off... like a coward

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lmaooo

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and there was one thing which i loved the most... it was football

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well i love it still

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but i dont play football... mainly bcz whenever i do i make fun of myself lol

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and even if i were to play id be the goalkeeper iykyk...

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so yea stopped hanging out with frnds

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and day by day ig im getting more and more unsocial...

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i dont even talk with anyone online

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have some 2-3 frnds irl

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atp.. my life is so meaninglessly weird

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the thing is... i considered suiciding so many times... but i could never do it... the reason is Allah made it haram and if i were to do it ill end up in hell... and being a religious person... ill pass going thru eternal pain or sum shi

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ik it might affect some ppl after my death

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my parents mostly

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but ik they will overcome tht in a month or two

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and others?

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i dont expect them to have any affect after a week... a week at best

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tbh id count myself lucky if my absence even have any effect on someone for a whole week

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ig thts how it is

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the world wouldnt bother remember u

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let alone wait for u

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why would even anyone bother to remember such a shit of a human being

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lol

#i dont know tbh