What youve done wrong
#Mary’s Journal
prime crag
I remember sitting on my grandmothers bed
Crying my eyes out
I was maybe 7
Everyones around
From that day i knew who raised me, and who made me who i am today and thats my two wonderful bothers that held me up even when life was tough for them. Weve been through everything together and we will always be there for eachother like our own lil family.
My parents never got divorced, theyre together but they still fight. I remember being a child and just wishing they would get divorced bc it would be easier then the constant fighting and being together and separated again.
Time went on and i got a lil older, i know my parents probably love me (maybe not). I may be overdramatic or maybe they love me but just have a shitty way of showing it. And its probably that, they didnt have the best upbringing so i dont blame them but it still hurts. Ppl say that ive been mentally abused
Do i believe that, tbh im not sure i just want that pain gone
Someone once said that their memories had disappeared, they forgot most of their memories as a way for your brain to save yourself and tbh i think its happened and i get snippets from my past but i just cant feel anymore its like being numb. I know the pain i went through. And ik it wasnt my fault but i still feel so much pain and i feel like i caused this. Rn im being swarmed with all these memories that i just want to let out but i cant.
I want someone to hear me and understand my pain and why i am the way i am
Why i say sorry 1000 times, why i cant say i love you or trust i love yous back, why i always feel like a burden to everyone, why i cant express how i feel, or how numb I’ve become. All i want is love and care but everywhere i turn its gone and it hurts and it hurts and all i want is someone to understand but who is there. No one. Cause no one cares, and thats the truth of life and idk how to move on