#Star loves stars ⭐

1065 messages · Page 2 of 2 (latest)

astral reef
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It draws them away

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Maybe that's how things are

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I'm not going crazy but I feel bad things coming

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I am sure everything will crumble soon

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And I am already not feeling good

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I might self harm again if it all happens

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And then I might start hating this new room too

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And I won't have anywhere

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Because this was my second chance

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Someone should grab me by the wrists and take me forcefully to fix my fucking self

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I wish I could but I am scared and frozen

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I remember so much people sometimes

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Erika (no one say her name please), Matias, Illodie...

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And the friends I left behind form my personality today

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Because that's how it is for everyone

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But to me it feels like I pick up what's left of my victims

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I appear

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I shake things

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I let down

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I forget

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Like I torture

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I feel like I torture

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And then those fragments of people I get for myself are so proudly incorpored to myself, and I think warmly of them

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Dude I'm not good

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I don't know if I hate them

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For not being there and not being the actual fragments that form me

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They shouldn't be so easily stealable

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I shouldn't be able to take their fucking traits to myself

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Are they husks?? Why do they let me do that??

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I hate them, and myself

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But we are all hated at once

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So we are all close

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I hate all of us

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I wish we would disappear

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That's all for today

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Sorry

astral reef
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I think I feel better here

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This feels like a cave

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I kind of go wild some nights, I am just reading some of last time's messages

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I feel a bit ashamed

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But

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It's not time for that right now

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I feel a sadness that makes my stomach hurt

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I need to feel cozy

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Because that feels warm and gets rid of it

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This feels like a cave right now

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In the sense that I am alone and all nice

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Being alone is not bad at all

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I do like it even

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But

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I dislike that it's not perfect

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People still exist when I want to be alone, there are proofs that people is still around when I want to be alone

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And I dislike that

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It's imperfect loneliness

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Maybe meditation would do good to me

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I could see it calming me

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But knowing how much I liked sleeping I'll surely fall asleep mid meditation haha

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That thought made me feel a bit better

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Now I have a choice, to try meditation, not today because it's late

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I always feel bad whenever it's late and I need to go to sleep

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So I rarely get to act to fix it because acting to fix it takes time

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Good thing is I dom't act on it either

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It's been long since I cut

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And since I was at my mom's

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I shouldn't think about her place anymore