Hello, I am Sarss and I just started nursing school, I thought I could handle it but I'm literally on the verge of FAILING. For context, I was one of the few lucky students who got a slot in a state university which means I didn't have to pay any tuition at all and it is a BIG help financially, I was delighted but also sad because my other 3 friends whom I plan to study with ended up in different schools instead, though I also saw this as a good opportunity to start fresh and make new friends, everything went fine, I ended up being exempted for our NSTP course (Military Training or Community Service) which was mandatory for all first years because I got in an organization in our school which is the school's official band, I got into the role of vocalist and I thought everything would become easier since I won't have to literally pass out because of hydration every Saturday because of our NSTP but after that everything went down hill, first a guy in our band (our drummer) started to approach me through chats obviously flirting all while knowing it was forbidden for co-members to have relationships, I stupidly was considering it because he was cute and would sing me songs but later on my other co-vocalist warned me about him that's he's a fraud and a playboy, I finally confronted him and said that he should stop and it's better off we could be friends but then he proceeds to guilt trip me, saying I was planning to give roses to you, even sending a picture which turns out, it was from Pinterest 💀
#How to Survive College?
toxic dock
Other than that, I am having so much troubles academically, I feel like I'm always left behind and that I'm constantly surrounded with such brilliant people, I am failing math rn which is a minor subject btw💀 and psychology as well but 90% of the class is failing it so it doesn't matter, I always keep on comparing myself with how they're doing, constantly asking myself that why can't I be like them? I always go home and literally feel so dumb and just constantly think about the difference between me and them and I also have a really hard feeling that the smart people in my class are talking behind my back or they may think they're much better than me (one time I couldn't answer anything in my exam so I just went to submit it, after class, one classmate sarcastically said "wow you're so quick in finishing the exam") knowing full well I didn't have anything since the exam was so hard, it was such a back-handed compliment and by then I always got this feeling, I constantly feel pressured about myself, knowing how good this opportunity is and how lucky I am to have parents who support me financially and that I should do better but I just can't find any motivation to study, I constantly tell myself that God has put me into this situation and gave me this course because he knew I could handle it but even then, I am still so lazy, I don't know self-discipline, always spending my parents worked so hard to earn and literally just doing the bare minimum, and still, I feel so sad and depressed everyday, I feel so alone, my mind is constantly thinking of a lot of things even the smallest ones like what am I gonna eat for lunch, always questioning if I deserve a treat and reward myself, always feeling guilty, my head is so full and in the end, I literally do nothing.
Oh and recently, a 30+ year old man took interest in me (I just recently turned 18) it was a formal conversation at first since I was interested in moving to his boarding house but then our conversation started to get more personal, he was specifically interested in my romantic history, asking me if I have a boyfriend and if I'm interested right now, I said that I'm focusing on my studies and I think boys my age are immature still but then he keeps on suggesting himself, like it should be better to get an older man💀 like bro wth, and for some stupid circumstance, I somehow ended up in his car alone with him😭 I am literally so naive and trusting, it was so dangerous, he could've done ANYTHING to me but he just bought me fast food instead because he asked if I had dinner and I said no (not like it's gonna make me like him💀) but yeah, fortunately I got home safe, and I later on went clear about things with him and that I'm not interested particularly in him💀 he stopped chatting me after that