venty or impactful song lyrics here. or just general venting
#levi's journal
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levi's journal
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When it's you and me
And the air inbetween, mmm...
All of me and all of you
Nothing else in the room
This feels like it's everything to me.
-Everything To Me, Porter Robinson
guys give me sad song recommendations and i'll listen to them
also pls listen to Smile! :D by Porter Robinson
the happy half (first five songs) or sad half (last five)
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bed is too small for my tiredness
sing me a lullaby of dreams
tuck a cloud up under my chin
lord blow the moon out. whoo.
I close my eyes, for once I don't have to try
I'm well-wishing for a life, I picture you happy, oh
In the weeds, we walked, your hand running through the moss
I was so lost in thought, but you were there living
You've taken me with you
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I was meant to be yours
We were meant to be one
I can't make it alone
Finish what we've begun
You were meant to be mine
I am all that you need
You carved open my heart
Can't just leave me to bleed
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day is done
come the sun
from the lakes, from the hills, from the sky
all is well
safely rest
the world is well
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I say goodbye to a blackbird
I say goodbye to my own words
She's an unlucky girl, who can save her?
This disease that she has, there is no cure
The steel is kissing her head now
Then the blood and saliva in her mouth
All the angels laughing down
All the angels laughing down
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One day, when I'm older, I might do somethin' else
But I'll still write the stories, and I'll sing them to myself
I'll sing them in the kitchen, I'll sing them when it's quiet
'Cause when the melody is meant for me, I'm gonna find it
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Today is the worst day of my life
I think I'm in love with the cards
You're were dealt
How it felt
But you're wiser than me
And it hurts that I'm not like you
I know what you're scared of
And I know what your blood type is
And you don't even know who I am
You don't even know who I am
You don't even know who I am
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I'm postponing my suicide for a short time.
There's horseshoes in his pockets
Handgranades in his spleen
No amount of money could strike him off the calendar
And I haven't cried in seven years
Slumped in the cafe car hiding my tears
Good luck final girl, I hope you get what you deserve
No one's gonna to do your job for you
After all, that's not how this thing works.
After all, that's not how this thing works…
After all, that's not how this thing works…
After all, that's not how this thing works……
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I just don't want you to die
I just don't want you to die
I just don't want you to die
I just don't want you to die
I just don't want you to die
I just don't want you to die
I just don't want you to die
I just don't want you to die
I just don't want you to die
I just don't want you to die
I just don't want you to die
I just don't want you to die
I just don't want you to die
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Come here
Check the footage
Look at me
Look at me
Look at me
Please, God
This can't be happening
Not to me
Not to me
Not to me
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Never have I ever, no I haven't and I bet I probably won't
Don't ask me how I'm doin', how I do it, chances are I probably don't
I let admiration get to my head
Fuck celebrities, I might as well just copy my friends
And if only I knew who it is they think that I am
Shed some confidence 'cause I don't wanna have to pretend
Hey, I think I'm full of it!
Hey, I must be full of it!
Hey, I think I'm full of it!
Hey, I must be full of it!
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And in just a couple seconds of breathing in and out
I was exiled from the heavens and flung toward the ground
I once had peace and quiet
Now I can't turn the damn thing off
But I don't wanna die yet, I haven't finished what I'm working on
Several hidden shots to the chest
How did you get everyone to think that you were depressed?
Tell me, if it's not on purpose, why'd you do it again?
Just admit it, you don't have a world that you're up against
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i'm thankful for
crow
ash
will
zach
you guys mean the world to me im
i miss you guys
i want to see you again
i only see you two weeks of the year
at summer camp
its the two best weeks of my life
see y'all soon
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In my dream, I saw him
The man without a head
On my screen, I saw him
When I was four and ten
I didn't mean to see him
It all happened so fast
What does it mean to see him
Now all this time has passed
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“I opened my eyes and I was able to see the world for what it really was. Natures as ones and zeroes.
I watched the world spin and spin until we all got too dizzy.
Then I watched it all turn to dust. Over and over again. For nature is sacred. And it must be preserved.
I will save this world… by encasing it with metal.”
-Metal E.V.E, Bunny Vs Monkey
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Driver's ed is DONE AND DUSTED
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"But then, you said, "Don't think of the time that's left,
You're spending it in your head, I just want you laughing"
I'm sorry for crying, I just want you happy...
So at last, goodbye.
I'll be happy just to have known you.
And we wished each other well."
goodbye ❤️
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im always here for you
im always here for you
im always here for you
im always here for you
im always here for you
im always here for you
im always here for you
im always here for you
im always here for you
im always here for you
im always here for you
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Never letting my cat sleep in my room again she kept walking all over me and trying to play with me until 4 AM. And I finally bit the bullet and made her leave my room. And now people outside my room are chattering and I can’t go back to sleep.
I was supposed to sleep in today
This was supposed to make up for all the time I skipped
And I got like three hours instead
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im alone forever
and its out of my control
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Need you to pick me up, I…
Spin me around in your lies
When I see the truth I cry
When I think about it I cry
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You can take the girl out of this town
But you can't take this town out of the girl
It's the same old world
You can take her to the city
Dress her up and make her pretty
Even she can't run from the urge
(So stupid, so stupid, stupid)
I can post upbeat songs sometimes
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im scared for upcoming test >m<
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Got a 58/60 on my precalc test
Why can I never get a perfect score 😔
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truly suffering from success
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eating disorder?
nah im eating dis order
(IM EATING MORE!!!!)
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people love to talk about "mental health awareness” and advocacy until it's somebody with a personality disorder, psychosis, or another illness with symptoms that aren’t pretty.
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Awareness around mental health is good
I feel like a lot of conditions are sidelined or stigmatized more
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PASSED MY DRIVER’S WRITTEN TEST
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nobody talks about how exhausting it is to live in that space between “things will get better” and “i can’t handle this anymore.” it’s like your emotions are constantly swinging. leaving you both hopeful and defeated in the same day
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Me : hey im mentally ill it will impact the way i act
People : omg ew why do you behave like a mentally ill person
kinda funny to me that ppl get mad at you and lowkey blame u when they find out you’re suicidal. like yea dude keep going im close
When its parents they immediately start listing the sacrifices they made for you like thank for confirming the “I’m a burden” subsection
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CHAT I DID MY SINGING MUSICAL AUDITION!!
Now time for dance audition in a few hours… 90 minutes straight of dancing
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im literally the fucking worst friend ever
someone i care about so much is venting their heart out to me and all i can muster is a fucking hug emoji
a hug emoji
this 🫂
thats never helped anyone in the history of the internet fucking ever
nobody
im entirely useless
im slop
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nobody would notice if a single piece of hay left the pile
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I hate LA
No other place gives me a constant feeling of anxiety and disgust when I go outside
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Incredible Mexican dancers are performing and this kid in front of me is playing League of Legends Mobile or something
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Only thing I like about this toilet of a city is that I can take a picture of the cranes and make it look like a brontosaurus invasion
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Passed my driving test
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i cant even vent in peace i cant even do that
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To the people saying it’s okay to tell a suicide victim “don’t give up” it’s not. Suicide isn’t giving up. It’s often what happens when pain outweighs support, and the village around someone fails to see or hold them in time.
it’s not appropriate to frame someone who was struggling with severe illness and suffering as them “giving up”, it’s pretty ignorant
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(How do you feel?)
I definitely feel. Sometimes that's more than enough.
(Still, you're anxious, aren't you?)
Of course. Moreover, I'm completely terrified. Was it that obvious?
(You're looking in every direction, but not up.)
Ah, this...
I've already told you, haven't I?
(About what?)
Ah, you know, small stuff.
(Can small stuff make you terrified?)
It's... hard to explain.
I climb up the metal railing and let my legs hang down. I sneak short glances at the abyss from time to time. It replies with angry, cold breath. That's how we interact. Like old friends.
Sometimes I feel like the whole world pretends to be crazy.
As if it's trying to make me believe in something that doesn't exist.
(That's weird, isn't it?)
-Milk outside a bag of Milk outside a bag of milk
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"I just want to sleep, hoping that tomorrow only comes after a year or a decade, imagining myself outside of my mortal shell. Ridiculous, like milk outside a bag of milk, and yet..."
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“It’s not that deep”
“I think you just wish it wasn’t, and that’s fine”
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i think ppl with low self-esteem often unintentionally hurt others because they severely underestimate their impact/presence
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does anyone ever get so fixated on a something that you literally avoid consuming media of it sometimes because its so exciting it makes you physically upset and stressed out or am i just crazy
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Tw self harm (not me) ||“if you self harm then you’re just an attention seeker!” ok even if someone DID harm themselves for attention, should it not worry you if they’re willing to physically mutilate their own body just for a little bit of attention?||
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A few years ago, I used to practice drawing
And I just didn’t improve. I tried for almost an hour every day, and nothing changed, for almost an entire year
I know things take time, but I just don’t wanna start again and waste my time
But I want to draw so so bad and I think less of myself for not being able to so really what’s the solution here
It’s not Fun, the process just makes me sad and disappointed, but still I want to be able to
It’s like someone who desperately wants to be a musician, but they’re unable to read sheet music or learn how to play an instrument no matter how hard they try
And it just makes me feel stupid even though it’s an art form and nothing about intelligence I feel really disappointed in myself
I mean, why would I ever try drawing my characters if it’s just gonna be an hour of misery and no progress
That sounds pessimistic but that’s what’s happened every single time I’ve tried to draw for fun
And I know the answer is just practice practice practice practice that’s what everybody says and I know they’re right
What could I do?? Just draw cubes for like three months What could I do that I haven’t been doing before
So recently, I’ve been trying to think more about this because as corny as it is, two of my favorite sectors of psychology are Positive Psychology and Growth Mindset even though i could be a real sourpuss sometimes
This feels less like a wall I think about it and more like a really really really tall speed bump but I can’t figure out how to get enough speed to clear it yet
Not really a speed bump more like a hill
But it’s hard to actually practice cause I can’t stay in a positive headspace while doing so
I’ve been considering trying to do like a Pavlov/reward pathway thing with my brain, but I’m kind of scared of doing that because it has some risks
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Suicidal people deserve a space to talk about their suicidal feelings without risking hospitalization/institutionalization or being accused of being manipulative or attention seeking
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I’ll always be here
I could be dead inside but I’ll always be here, no other choice
