Austria’s Scibbles | Huddle | Page 2

left moat Dec 9, 2025, 3:00 PM

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i hope shes okay...

left moat Dec 9, 2025, 7:42 PM

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im bored...

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I wanna ask her to play or chat but I dont know where she is

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and I really hope shes okay

left moat Dec 10, 2025, 12:00 PM

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all subjects lead to math PM_Dies

left moat Dec 10, 2025, 12:34 PM

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26 days

left moat Dec 11, 2025, 5:50 PM

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27 days

left moat Dec 11, 2025, 7:49 PM

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I hate you

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Why did you tell me that

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You shouldnt have said anything

left moat Dec 12, 2025, 1:23 PM

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28 days

left moat Dec 14, 2025, 12:00 AM

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29 days

left moat Dec 14, 2025, 3:16 AM

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in

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out

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in

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out

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in

#

out

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in

#

out

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in

#

out

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in

#

out

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in

#

out

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in

#

out

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in

#

out

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in

#

out

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In

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out

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in

#

out

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in

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out

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l_catsigh

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safe

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safe

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safe

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safe

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safe

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safe

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safe

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safe

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safe

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safe

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safe

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Calm

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Down

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its

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fine

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everything

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is

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fine

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they arent going to do anythig to him

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They arent

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goi no

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to

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take him

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from you

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Its just for

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a few hours

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You

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can

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manage

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Right?

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You go to school just fine..

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No

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you talk fo him all the time in school

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You even woke him up because he didnt wake up in first period like he usually does

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Youre so

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cooked

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Youre so fucking possessive youre a stalker

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Thats why you have all of his accounts his location, thats why you watch everything he does like a hawk because youre scared someone else will dk soemthing. And hes totally fine with it

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Okay

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Okay

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calm down

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You can tslk to R

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R will help you

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Calm

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calm calm calm

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in and out

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in and out

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up and down

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In

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out

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up

#

down

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in out up down

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in out up down

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in out up down

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in out up down

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in out up down

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in out up down

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space

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Talk about space to R

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that will make everything better

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Everything WILL be better

left moat Dec 14, 2025, 3:36 PM

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30 days

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Joy

left moat Dec 14, 2025, 4:54 PM

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My life feels so meaningless when Im not with him

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Like genuinely so empty

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I feel so pathetic

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Yesterday was such a fucking nightmare

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I dont wanna do it again

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But I know Ill have to in the future

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And I hate that

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I hate just being so dependent on people

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I dont wanna be dependent on anyone

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Yet here I am

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Losing my mind for hours because I cant

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cope

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With letting him go do stuff on his own

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I feel like such a horrible person

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I feel like Im slowly just getting worse and worse and christmas is approaching

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Yeah I should be happy

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Im not though

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Im always supposed yo be happy though

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I have to be

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Because I have to help everyone else out first

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I start losing my shit when Im not in control

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Of my emotions, people, everything that should go the way it should go

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I really just dont

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Like who I am

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and I dont want to be like this anymore

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its weird

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Im a fucking creep because I have to have control at all times

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I just want to cut everyone off

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It would be safer for them

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If they just

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didnt talk to me

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Didnt give me any information

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Im such a fucking creep I hate myself so fucking much

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I dont want to be like this

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but I

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just cant

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fuckjgn help it

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I cant control myself

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I dont have the control to not do it at all

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I need to do it

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But it gets to a point where it just feels wrong

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I dont need to stalk everyones socials and know what theyre doing every single second of the day

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Thats the only reason Im chronically online

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Feeding myself information because I dont feel safe otherwise

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I dont even get why I have friends I dont deserve any, I stalk all of them and I cant help it

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Its fucking weird and creepy

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I dont like who I am

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I have this incessant need to change everything all the time because I hate myself

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It would probably be better for everyone

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if I just cut them off

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But then itd get worse

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Because the Id need to know what they were doing now

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So then were at an impasse

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I genuinely feel like such an awful person

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Im really sorry Im like this I dont know how else to cope with things

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I cant help

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obsessing

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I shouldnt be trusted

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I know too much about most of them anyways…

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VaporHide

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Ugh

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Im just

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Im genuinely such a creep

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From day one I start memorizing their patterns

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Taking note of how they talk during certain emotions

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Their likes

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dislikes

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Location and timezone

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When is the best time to contact them

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when they are in school and arent

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Sleep schedules

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The ways they talk

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Personality shifts

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Already got an estimate on their mental health

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Maybe I only fit so well with him because I know everything about him and its easy to mold myself to him.

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Im just a shapeshifter. I change depending on the person.

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Just to be likable

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And then they start trusting me

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More information

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More to their story

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It adds into the shape

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The shape becomes more solid

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And the mask is easily taken on and off

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I dont know myself

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I havent remembered what its like to be who I once was

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Even the masks shed with him

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Its not who I was

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I dont remember who I truly was

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I dont remember what the little girl was like

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I just know shes there and shes still broken

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She doesnt

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Come out

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really ever

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Maybe Ive always been a liar

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And I simply stopped the compulsive lying

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Its not my fault

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You confused me

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You bullied me and then you made me kiss you

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And then you told me it was nothing

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It meant nothing

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Then I was excluded from everything

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And you moved away

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I hope you died

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I really hope your corpse is rotting in the ground

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Now Im stuck like this

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and its all your fault

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because you started the endles years of exclusion and bullying and teasing

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and confusion

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You made me this way

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This is all your fucking fault

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I hope you got your ass fucking deported you fucking deserve it for what you did to me I hate you so fucking much

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What an evil thing to say but I wish it upon you so fucking much

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You of all people deserve it the most

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I hope to fucking God you got removed from this country I never want to see your face or hear your name again

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I hate you

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So fucking muc

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You did this to me

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You ruined me

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It doesnt count as my first kiss.

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I have that power

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You dont

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I win.

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You fucking pieceof shitz

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I get to pick what my first kiss is

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You were the start of everything that went wrong in my life

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If you never existed I never wouldve been like this

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You dont deserve to live in my head like that

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You never did

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I didnt do anything to deserve it

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My brother certainly didnt either

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Youre such a sick twisted boy, making fun of a little boy who had trouble with speaking

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And then confusing me and making me think we had something going on

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You sick fucking perverted child

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You ruined everything

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Youll always be a fuckng child to me

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Youll always be in my head as that day in second grade

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You dont deserve to be acknowledged as any older than that

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You get to remain 7 in my head

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And youll never ever get to have that power ever again

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I fucking won.

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I fucking won you stupid piece of shit

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I won against all of you.

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Thats why youre all gone

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I won and I won

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I win and youll never win again

left moat Dec 14, 2025, 9:42 PM

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Im so

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sick of this crap

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Im losing my mind

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Im so sick of how hard it is with this disease

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I just want to be cures

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but of course

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Theyd rather research how it affects men who have partners with endo than actually looking into the disease and getting a less invasive diagnosis

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And maybe even getting a less destructive cure

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but no no

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I have to watch the clock tick by as my fertility goes away more and more with every day

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And I just have to be okay with jt

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And pretend everything is fine

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Im literally watching my one

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ONE

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ONE DREAM

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I thought I could depend on

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Because theres mo way the little girl could ever think shed get a disease that ruins her dream of having a family of her own

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But its slipping away

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and Im starting to give up on it

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Im not paying a bajillion dollars for a lab baby

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Why did He do this to me

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Why is He taking everything away

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I thought I was doing good

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What are you preparing me for

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What on earth is it

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I dont want to deal with these illnesses all the fuckjng time

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Im sick of being terminally sick

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Im sick kf not being fixed

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I want to be fuckng fixed

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Im sick of being so fucking

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perfect

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all the fucking

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Im sick of being happy

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Im sick of being forgotten about

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Im so fuckin sick

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I dont want to do this fucking crap anymore

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Id rather just be dead. I bet I wont even get into that college and I wont ever get ti work at that company.

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Every dream of mine gets destroyed

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I wouldnt be surprised if the rest of them did to

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I dont want to try anymore

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Im sick of trying

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I want to cut but I wont since Im at least trying to make it till the end kf this year

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Im sooooo

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so fuckin sick

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Of my stupid fucking mind

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Im sick of a lot of things

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mainly myself

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my health

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That I cant control

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NOTHINGS GOING TO GE FIXED

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I am so fucking tired of living life like this

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With incurable diseases

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I never asked for this bullshit

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WHEN I SAID MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT

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I DONT WANT IT ANYMORE

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TAKE IT AWAY

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END THE SUFFERING PLEASE

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I BEG OF YOU

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Ugh

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Im just

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gonna take a nap

left moat Dec 15, 2025, 2:15 AM

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the nap felt good

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But I never nap

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so thats how fucked up I feel right now

left moat Dec 15, 2025, 2:26 PM

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31 days

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waiting for admissions to come out

left moat Dec 15, 2025, 11:23 PM

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Didnt get in

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I hate feeling bad about eating

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Im not even fat

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Im fucking 90 pounds

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Yet i regret every bite

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If anything I need to eat

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I hate it

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I refuse to

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until finally Im hungry

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and I eat

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so much

left moat Dec 16, 2025, 12:13 PM

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32 days

left moat Dec 16, 2025, 1:02 PM

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im so tired

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I wish it was break

left moat Dec 16, 2025, 6:55 PM

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i really

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really

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really

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like peeling the skin off my lips during winter

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it hurts but it doesnt hurt as much as it does when I pick at my toe nails

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I dont like peeling off half my nail

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it hurts

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and then you cant finish taking it off

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so you clip it off

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then it gets caught on something

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tears the rest of the way off

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adn bleeds like hell

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too messy and hurty

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but my lips just bleed a little bit

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and then they hurt for a minute

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and its nice

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and I can do it over and over and over and over

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and it hurts and bleed the same amount every time

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and I dont have to worry about

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an infection

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or an ingrown toe nail that will need to be removed

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and its not like

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I do it consiously

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Im not aware Im doing it usually

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which is weird

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because

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youd think youd feel the pain

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but its just

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background

left moat Dec 17, 2025, 5:15 PM

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33 days

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one month and 3 days.

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now to make it to the next year

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tbh_confetti

left moat Dec 17, 2025, 8:46 PM

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Ughhhhhhhhh

left moat Dec 17, 2025, 10:39 PM

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Mental go bye bye

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l_catsigh

left moat Dec 18, 2025, 1:02 PM

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34 days

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feeling better as school is coming to an end

left moat Dec 18, 2025, 2:47 PM

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my english teacher said I could skip tomorrow since I have all my work done

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yay

left moat Dec 18, 2025, 3:14 PM

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I really think I just dont deserve to have friends

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Or even a partner for that matter.

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I always mess it up

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My mom is right when she calls me a manipulator. I am one. I do intend it. Most of the time its with good intentions though but tis still... wrong.

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Ive done

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sooo

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much

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I can never keep myself away from

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all of them

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it would be better if I left them

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safer for them

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they need to stop trusting me so much

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theyll get too close

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and theyll regret it

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most of them are just stepping stones anyways

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yeah i care

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but

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as long as I can get what I want

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theyll serve that purpose until I dont need them anymore

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i just

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fucking

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hate myself

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how can someone be such an empathic and caring person, one of th ekindest people most will ever meet and then be so

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apathtic and self centered

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its

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so

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ironic

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too ironic

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and I dont know why he stayed after I told him everything

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but clearly I dont need to do it anymore

left moat Dec 18, 2025, 5:41 PM

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i cant wait to go home

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ughhh

left moat Dec 19, 2025, 3:32 AM

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one more school day tomorrow

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then im free

left moat Dec 19, 2025, 4:42 PM

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35 days

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few more hours till break aughhhhhh

left moat Dec 19, 2025, 5:08 PM

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1 hour and 56 minutes left

left moat Dec 20, 2025, 9:09 PM

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36 days

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So bland

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I feel ill

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I wanna puke

left moat Dec 21, 2025, 1:14 AM

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i love him so much bkblush

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sweetest boy ever and hes all mine bklove

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makes me so so so so so so so so happy

left moat Dec 21, 2025, 6:19 PM

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37 days

left moat Dec 24, 2025, 2:13 AM

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39 days

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I hate this time of year

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Time of joy right?

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Its the most wonderful time of year after all

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But no

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I dread every holiday

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Its just another painful reminder that you’re gone.

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Happy happy happy

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Its a wonderful time

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Youre gone

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Christmas just rips the bandaid off

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without any warning

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and everyone just expects you to

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be happy

left moat Dec 24, 2025, 3:55 AM

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stupid stupid stupid stupid DIE

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alastor_crazy

left moat Dec 24, 2025, 6:05 PM

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40 days

left moat Dec 25, 2025, 11:03 PM

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41 days

true crown Dec 25, 2025, 11:55 PM

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left moat 41 days

You’re almost there, aus! I’m so proud of you!! bearhuggies

left moat Dec 27, 2025, 10:35 PM

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43 days

left moat Dec 28, 2025, 5:46 PM

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44 days

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I sometimes wonder if people know how desperate I am for love.

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And not the romantic kind.

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The kind of love you get from friends and family.

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The love I always seem to lack getting.

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I have so much love to give.

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Yet people refuse to give it back to me and I dont know why

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And then they get mad at me when I stop giving it to them

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Because they never bothered giving it back

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Suddenly Im the monster

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Suddenly Im the most selfish person ever

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you did this

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But Im always the problem arent I?

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Im always the scapegoat

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But did you know that despite all your mistreatment and mistakes you raised one of the best person in many peoples lives? That your slander is simply that? Do you ever consider that maybe I dont want to be around the family anymore because I realize the flaws and I am sick of being the only reason to blame for the flaws?

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No no, thats just being manipulative isnt it? There could never be anything wrong in this house

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But there is.

left moat Dec 29, 2025, 5:54 PM

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45 days

left moat Dec 30, 2025, 10:20 PM

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46 days

true crown Dec 31, 2025, 12:55 AM

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Dude, please don’t say that without knowing what they’re counting.

ionic kestrel Dec 31, 2025, 12:55 AM

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Sorry

left moat Jan 1, 2026, 7:11 AM

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48 days!!

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Made jt into the new year!!

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next goal is to make it to the end of this month

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and then once we reach that goal we move on to the next month

stray estuary Jan 1, 2026, 11:18 AM

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Yes Vax! You fucking got this bro.

left moat Jan 2, 2026, 8:06 PM

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49 days dancedance

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Tomorrow is the big 5 0

left moat Jan 4, 2026, 4:42 AM

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50!!!

left moat Jan 7, 2026, 4:16 PM

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54 days

left moat Jan 8, 2026, 10:31 PM

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55 days

left moat Jan 12, 2026, 6:44 PM

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Uhh

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59 days

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I forgot how to do math for a second

left moat Jan 14, 2026, 2:58 AM

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60!!!

true crown Jan 14, 2026, 3:14 AM

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left moat 60!!!

2 months!! I’m so proud of you aus SChug

left moat Jan 14, 2026, 3:14 AM

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Ty twin!

left moat Jan 17, 2026, 9:04 PM

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Im not saying todays number

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Because of the number that it is

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I hate myself

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so fucking much

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I want to ruin something but I feel so restrained

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Theres nothing left for me to ruin

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Because I already ruined everything

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I dont know if I wanna be here anymore

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I just fuck everything up

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and then I fuck more stuff up after I fuck something up

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Because thats

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Just makes sense

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I deserve nothing so I must ruin everything

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Thats how that works

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Get rid of what you dont deserve

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Get rid of the guilt of hurting others before its too late

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Thats why you purge

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You know you only go for so long without hurting people

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You dont know when or how to pull your claws back do you?

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No you dont and thats why everyone gets hurt.

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Youre in a perpetual cycle

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Maybe you were always meant to be alone.

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You are better off that way anyways

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You never needed them for anything but attention right?

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Just attention and care and love

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You dont need that

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Youve made it this far without a proper healthy source of it anyways

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So clearly you dont need it

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You just want it

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You’re afraid of being alone because you’re afraid of what you do to yourself when you’re left to your own devices

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You know what happened last time and you don’t want to go back to that place

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So you start looking for scraps

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anything

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from anyone

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Because you know you’re going to be sent back if you dont

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You want it to survive outside of there

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You want to be outside of there for as long as you can

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And does it really matter how many people you have to hurt to do that?

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I think it does

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I dont want to

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I dont mean to do it

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I cant

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help it

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I cant control myself

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I dont know when to pull back

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I dont know why I need so much

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Maybe I am a parasite

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Leeching off of the care and attention of others

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Until… theyre not useful or beneficial… anymore

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I dint like that idea

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But what if its true

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No

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Youre a nice person too

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But what if its only because I want care and affection

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What if I am just

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Oh I dont like that word

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But theres no other word

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But its so dramatic

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But maybe Im horrible enough to deserve that word

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But that

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cant be true can it

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Im not all bad

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But maybe the good isnt enoughh

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Im

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Not perfect enough

stray estuary Jan 17, 2026, 9:18 PM

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You ain't a bad person

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For wanting attention or affection

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You're just human

left moat Jan 17, 2026, 9:18 PM

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Even if I seek it out in negative ways?

stray estuary Jan 17, 2026, 9:18 PM

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Negatively how?

left moat Jan 17, 2026, 9:19 PM

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Sometimes I instigate things to get a rouse out of people, I get them to get mad at me, yell at me, or in regards to my parents, punish me

stray estuary Jan 17, 2026, 9:20 PM

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Then that's a deeper issue that needs to be looked into

left moat Jan 17, 2026, 9:20 PM

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My therapist said it was because I dont get enough positive attention

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Especially from my father

stray estuary Jan 17, 2026, 9:21 PM

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Bingo

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So how do you work through it?

left moat Jan 17, 2026, 9:21 PM

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The therapist said he needed to be more validating

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And he was

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Our relationship has changed

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But

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its not mended at all and I dont think it ever will be

stray estuary Jan 17, 2026, 9:22 PM

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But it's a start

left moat Jan 17, 2026, 9:22 PM

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But he says things more often to me like hes proud of me

stray estuary Jan 17, 2026, 9:22 PM

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It will take time

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It's a process

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Trust it

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And if you're a believer, trust God

stray estuary Jan 17, 2026, 9:22 PM

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left moat But he says things more often to me like hes proud of me

That's great

left moat Jan 17, 2026, 9:22 PM

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But Ive been doing it to Bly more often now and I dont know how to fix it because I dont really know what Im wanting from him

stray estuary Jan 17, 2026, 9:22 PM

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Don't beat yourself up man

left moat Jan 17, 2026, 9:23 PM

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And Im ruining it

stray estuary Jan 17, 2026, 9:23 PM

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You're healing

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So talk to him

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Tell him

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Make him understand

left moat Jan 17, 2026, 9:23 PM

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Im not good at making people understand things

stray estuary Jan 17, 2026, 9:23 PM

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And mend things before it breaks

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Then start off small

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An apology maybeb

left moat Jan 17, 2026, 9:24 PM

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Okay

stray estuary Jan 17, 2026, 9:24 PM

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"sorry I've been acting this way, I've been seeing a therapist and it turns out.... M

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You word it how you want to

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Vax, healing isn't easy

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But it's a road that evens out

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You got this

left moat Jan 17, 2026, 9:25 PM

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Okay uzart

left moat Jan 19, 2026, 6:24 PM

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69 days

left moat Jan 20, 2026, 1:26 PM

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70 days

left moat Jan 20, 2026, 7:01 PM

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kinda wonder if theres something wrong with me...

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oh well

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it is what it is

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i wont get into it, its really private

left moat Jan 21, 2026, 8:37 PM

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70 days

left moat Jan 23, 2026, 1:59 AM

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71 days

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I hope someone finds this funny and it makes their day better if the cone in here

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-# and if you don’t understand it the song is called pump up the jam :>

true crown Jan 23, 2026, 8:40 AM

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left moat I hope someone finds this funny and it makes their day better if the cone in her...

PUMP UP THE JAM PUMP IT UP 🗣️🔥

left moat Jan 24, 2026, 3:57 AM

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72

#

days

left moat Jan 25, 2026, 2:56 AM

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73 days

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I hate myself

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I might just

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Cut

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I give ip

#

Up

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I cant do it anymore

#

I just wanna kill myself

#

Im so sick of myself

#

Im so fucking disgusting and horrible

#

I want to rip my hair out and hope it splits my head in two

#

I fucking hate myself

#

Im so sick of myself

#

Im so sick of looking at this disgustingly beautiful monster

#

I hate it

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I hate the mirror

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I want to punch it and cut myself with the glass and make my looks match the gross disgustingness inside

#

God I fucking hate myself

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God

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I just want to wallow

#

And wither away in it

#

Im just a mistake

#

Im the worst choice he ever made

#

He doesnt deserve me

#

He deserves better

#

And I dont deserve him

#

I fucking

#

God just fucking kill me already

#

Why do I not have to be alone

#

What if I wanna be alone

#

God I wanna cut so fucking badly

#

Slit my wrists open and wallow in my blood Ik so sick of myself

#

everyone hates me I fucking know it

#

They just dont say it

#

He doesnt deserve this but I just cant let him go because Im too fucking possessive like a fucking creep.

#

And Ill regret it instantly

#

https://open.spotify.com/track/7AVHZALiAVUuYzcQ2lTZ5q?si=GedRqanTTF2zLkeIX-ukwg

Spotify

Frailty

#

i wish my nose would start bleeding so maybe I wouldnt want to cut so much

#

maybe if I just

#

I think Ill just

#

cry

#

I dont know if I can

#

but I want to

#

God

#

I fucking hate my life

#

if she never fuckig died

#

My lif enever wouldvegone downhill

#

no youre such a horrible fucking person blaming all your issues on your dead grandmother

#

How fucking sick are you

#

Fuckjng

#

You wont ever fucking do it because youre too much fo a fucking coward

#

Youll nevee have the strength to end it

#

Or end anything in general

#

Youre so fucking pathetic

#

Thats why everyone uses you you pathetic fucking bitch

#

you wont amount to anything and J was right, hes always in your head even when you dont want him there anymore, you still stalk him like a fucking creep

#

Even though he hates you.

#

You will never get over the fact that he broke that promise

#

He said you could be friends

#

And now youre not

#

And you never will be

#

Youre

#

so

#

fucking

#

gross

#

Grab the exacto knofe and slit your throat

#

do it

#

You wont

#

Because youre a fucking coward

#

You dont mean shit

#

Youre all bark and no fucking bite

#

You worthless bitch

#

There you go

#

Start crying you fucking baby

#

Youre nothing

#

Youre nothing without any of them

#

You useless clingy little cat

#

disgusting

#

You need all your so called friends just to feel like you mean something

#

You need him to keep you away from this nasty little voice in your head

#

Cut his name into your skin, because you need him that mych

#

Fucking pathetic

stray estuary Jan 25, 2026, 8:37 AM

#

left moat You worthless bitch

That word is only reserved for dogs

#

And I know some real dogs

#

You're not one of them

#

You're a human

#

A damn good one

#

Stop being so hard on yourself and realize that you have worth

#

You make people happy for a reason Aus

stray estuary Jan 25, 2026, 8:38 AM

#

left moat You need all your so called friends just to feel like you mean something

I enjoy talking with YOU

#

Because YOU are also one of the smartest and most caring people

#

I won't forget what you've done for me

#

Just hang in there friend

#

We'll be there for you every step of the way

#

Remember

#

I still need a seat saved at your wedding twin

left moat Jan 25, 2026, 1:23 PM

#

stray estuary Just hang in there friend

okay uzi

left moat Jan 25, 2026, 9:09 PM

#

74 days

left moat Jan 25, 2026, 10:49 PM

#

I wish all these feelings would go away and Id go back to normal

#

the weather isnt helping

#

I kinda just wanna cut everyone off or just go off the grid for a bit

#

But that would mean I wouldnt be able to tslk to him

#

And I cant handle not talking to him for more than 5 hours

#

I just want to be alone and soak in the misery

#

Im tired of being happy all the time for everyone else

left moat Jan 27, 2026, 2:13 AM

#

75 days

#

i wish my illness would goooo

#

Im so sick of being sick

left moat Jan 27, 2026, 7:17 PM

#

I kinda just feel small and helpless today

#

and not in the “I want to babied” kind of way

#

I just want to

#

shut off from everyone

#

Cut everyone off

#

I dont feel like Im lonely enough

#

even though I dont want to be really alone

#

I want to be alone

#

just for a little bit

#

But I know what happens when I do that

#

If ever i wanted drugs even though ive never done any, this would be the time

#

I hate this

#

Ive tried making more friends and shit

#

it doesnt happen

#

They stop talking to me eventually

#

and Im doing all the work

#

Ans they dont actually care

#

im sick of my days being blurs of nothingness

#

And just

#

The same

left moat Jan 27, 2026, 8:37 PM

#

god how I long for a knife in my stomach

#

I just want pain

#

I need to feel something

#

I dont receive anything anymore

#

I hardly cross anyones mind Im sure

#

I might just

#

Cut everyone off.

#

might as well.

#

not like anyone notices anything is off anyways

#

Oh how ever will I let him go

#

The idea makes me want to puke

#

I have to though…

left moat Jan 29, 2026, 8:19 PM

#

79 days

#

All my friends are ghosting me or are beginning to hate me now

#

No one new wants to be my friend

#

At this point Im so desperate I might as well just start going door to door and beg people to be my friend

#

I dont know what I did

#

I dont know what was said behind my back

#

But its hurting me

#

I feel like im back in elementary school again

#

Fake friends

#

Brand new school

#

No one talks to you unless they wanna make fun of you

#

Small and helpless again

#

Unpopular

#

Nobody

#

Ah but Ive always been a nobody

#

I miss my friends

#

Im so desperate

#

I miss people blowing up my phone

#

95% of my notifications are from my parents. 4% are from my boyfriend, and 1% is from gcs

#

The people in my corner are slowly fading away and leavingme

#

I dont know what I did

#

What I said

#

I miss the old days

#

I dont fit in anywhere anymore

left moat Jan 29, 2026, 10:09 PM

#

left moat Jan 31, 2026, 2:44 AM

#

80 days

left moat Feb 1, 2026, 3:46 AM

#

81 days

left moat Feb 1, 2026, 4:28 AM

#

Man

#

Im worried about my 6 hour shift tomorrow

left moat Feb 2, 2026, 3:54 AM

#

82 days

#

Its been

#

so long

#

since Ive seen my friends

#

Ive had

#

No social interaction with anyone

#

Its starting to drive me up the walls

#

I need to go back to school soon

#

They cant keep canceling

#

I need my friends

#

I need to see them again

#

Still sick

#

Havent gotten any results back from those tests

#

I wanna start doing drugs or smth man

#

I need a new feeling other than this pain

#

And worse

#

My boyfriends hoodie is losing its smell

#

I need another one but I dont wanna ask him to part with another one

#

But I dont know whats gonna help ground me when I have my flashbacks

#

the way he smells is so nostalgic and calming

#

It just

#

makes everything better

left moat Feb 3, 2026, 5:16 PM

#

84 days

left moat Feb 4, 2026, 5:39 PM

#

85 days

#

I reconnected with an ex friend, and he forgave me for what I did and were friends now

#

I think he missed having me

#

I know I did

#

he was very caring for me

left moat Feb 5, 2026, 8:54 PM

#

86

#

I hate myself

#

Wanna choke myself out

#

Not my fault people stress me out and I just wanna get shit done

#

I just wanna get it all off my plate

left moat Feb 13, 2026, 7:02 PM

#

93

left moat Feb 14, 2026, 8:57 PM

#

94

#

I think

#

I think I was too frustrated

#

I am confused about all this

#

I have to give him grace and understanding but at the same time

#

Underneath Im just

#

eyetwitch

#

I guess

left moat Feb 16, 2026, 9:02 PM

#

96

#

work was exhausting

#

those these mods

#

Are pissing me off

#

And I dont feel too good today

left moat Feb 17, 2026, 9:23 PM

#

97

left moat Feb 17, 2026, 10:07 PM

#

I think

#

Im starting to fail again

#

and I think

#

I just want to quit while Im ahead

#

it would be nice to

#

bleed again

#

Just a little bit

#

I miss the color

#

the smell

#

i miss the sting

#

I think

#

I just

#

want to become so small

#

I stop

#

exisiting

#

Maybe if I clutch myself tighter Ill go away

left moat Feb 18, 2026, 2:22 AM

#

i wish i wasnt so anxious

left moat Feb 19, 2026, 2:31 AM

#

98

#

god fucking help me

#

To stop being such an embarrassment to myself

#

I just want to bleed again that was so stupid

#

I wanna feel something

#

real

#

pain

#

i wanna disappear

#

im sick of being here

#

everyone would be fine anyways

#

I am just a floater friend to everyone anyways

#

I dont mean anything significant

#

Im not anyones number one friend

#

Or bestest friend

#

Even to my irl friends

#

Im just a lost dog following them

#

I think I might just pick up the scissors finally

#

Im

#

Done

#

I give up

#

I want blood

#

everyones leaving me anyways

#

What does it matter anymore

#

it just doesnt

#

Matter anymore

#

Where did I leave them

#

I cant

#

find my cutting scissors

#

I guess ill have to use the kitchen ones

#

ugh

#

but then ill have to wash rhose

#

I guess Ill just use the artists knife

#

no thatll cause a mes

#

and thats

#

i might cut too deep

#

its super sharp

#

i want scabs to pick at

#

where did i leave my fucking scissors at

#

ugh

#

i fucking

#

hate my brain

#

Stupid fucking adhd

#

maybe if I scratch enough I can make one on my arm

#

i dont havent anything to bite off my nails

#

Fuck

#

you

#

I fucking suck

#

I hate you

#

You ruin everything for yourself

#

You are a stupid piece of shit

#

Just fukcing end everything with everyone

#

Who fucking cares about you anyways

#

Youre a stupid loser

#

You dont deserve anything

#

But loneliness

#

And

#

misery

#

And no one ever knows youre a mess because you hide it so fucking well

#

All you are is a mess

#

No one will fix you

#

No one can

#

Give up

#

Youre running into a catering issue

#

You cant cater to everyone you idiot

#

This is why you never did commissions

#

why did you open them back up you stupid whore

#

God just

#

fucking

#

Get these fucking thoughts out of my head

#

why do I never feel good

#

I shaved my arms

#

I felt good about my body for 2 days

#

And then I saw myself in the mirror

#

And all I saw were my bones sticking out again

#

Im never fucking happy

#

Its always a lie I think

#

Im just lying to myself

#

Hoping maybe Ill be happy if I convince myself I am

#

I dont think Ill ever be truly happy

#

I want to go back home Lord I dont wanna be here anymore

#

why cant i be happy about anything

#

Why do you make me suffer all the fuckigntime

#

What could you possibly be preparing me for that requires this much pain

#

I dont

#

want it

#

Just

#

stop it

#

I wanna be happy

#

I cant be happy

#

I wanna have friends but I wont talk because Im self conscious about my voice and a fucking doormat

#

why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why

#

I DONT WANNA BE LIKE THIS ANYNORE

#

I HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH BUT IT WONT END NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY

#

GOD

#

I might be losing my faith again

#

Oh how ironic

#

Its that time of year where I tried to kill myself 3 years ago

#

And its happening

#

again

#

And he isnt here for me

#

Just like how

#

he wasnt

#

there

#

3 years ago

#

Ill just cut everyone off again before I go back to the mental facility again.

#

its easier for them if I

#

do

#

and then they can be freeof me

#

and Ill make sure I dont leave

#

because thats the only place

#

I will ever belong

#

Because Im a fucking freak

#

And thats the freakhouse

#

maybe its best to ignore him

#

Im ashamed of what im about to do anyways

#

Best not to face him

#

I’m such a horrible girlfriend lol

#

just

#

awful

#

I suppose I will start getting everything ready.

#

If I can find my scissors first

#

i hate him i hate him i hate him he called my fucking mom and now shes going watch over me like a hawk and its all his fault

#

Now my mon wont leave me alone

#

And shes going to pester me

#

And harass ne

#

And its all your fucking fault

#

i fucking hate you

#

you broke all of my trust

#

all of it.

#

figure out how to earn it back yourself

#

Im not helping you.

left moat Feb 19, 2026, 5:42 AM

#

okay

#

we good

#

99

left moat Feb 19, 2026, 2:37 PM

#

im sleepy

left moat Feb 20, 2026, 2:58 PM

#

100

#

yay

#

i think this is the longest Ive gone in a while

left moat Feb 20, 2026, 7:21 PM

#

I think today Im going to treat myself to something nice

#

I deserve it

#

It took a lot of hard work to get this far

#

And in 8 days Itll have been 4 years since I went there.

#

Im proud of myself because its been so hard to work my way back from that place.

#

No one can really tell you how bruised and bloody my hands are from climbing back up

#

I barely recognize them

#

But I got back up off the cliff didnt I? So what does it matter, because Im not falling back down there again

#

It was worth the effort and the pain.

left moat Feb 20, 2026, 7:28 PM

#

left moat I think today Im going to treat myself to something nice

Maybe nit

#

I have too much work

true crown Feb 20, 2026, 10:05 PM

#

left moat 100

100 days!! I’m so proud of you

left moat Feb 23, 2026, 10:45 PM

#

103

#

Id say Im anxiously attached to some people(mainly those close to me) and avoidant to others

left moat Feb 24, 2026, 3:20 AM

#

I love TPOTUSOA https://open.spotify.com/track/5R2RN575ilpoQJK4SMvktL?si=NOmG-gXjTm-3AXGmhTCxaQ

Spotify

Volcano

#

One of the things I actually appreciate about my dad

#

He has some good music taste

left moat Feb 24, 2026, 6:22 PM

#

104

left moat Feb 25, 2026, 5:58 PM

#

105

left moat Feb 26, 2026, 8:07 PM

#

106

left moat Feb 27, 2026, 4:14 AM

#

hm

#

i don’t know what i want

#

everything in my head seems fractured and broken

#

like someone broke a mirror

#

my cons list is

#

insanely short this time

#

i guess ill just

#

try again

left moat Feb 27, 2026, 2:12 PM

#

my head hurts

#

i dont think

#

i care anymore

#

i feel nothing

#

for anyone

#

i dont feel better

#

i feel worse

#

i ruined everything

#

almost 11 fucking months and now i dont feel anything and its all my fault

#

i broke myself again

#Austria’s Scibbles