I just had a huge fight with my boyfriend. They usually go the same. And honestly, lately I've been wondering if I'm a narcissist. it feels like nothing about me is right. People never empathize with me they only try to fix but when I try explaining how it is for me and my brain it's never received well. I've been emotionally and sexually by an ex of mine for a year. And everyone always tells me I'm the victim but I don't feel like it. Lately I feel like I destroy everything I touch. I don't know what to do. I feel stuck with almost everything because when I get triggered I can't just get past that but im always expected to with people and life in general and I'm starting to think there's something seriously wrong with me. I've always felt like my brain is no where near right. The way I think about things and process never feels okay. I want to die so bad. I'm so tired lately. Is it true? That how I perceive things is wrong everytime? I feel so disconnected. I crave connection but it's also the most dangerous thing at the same time. I can't explain the way sirens go off in my head. The way it feels like everything is ending in just a single moment. I hate myself. This can't be normal can it?...I feel like my whole life I've been running from pain. A pain I cannot escape. I've been to therapy, had depression and anxiety meds, given coping methods but nothing changes. I feel there is no hope for me.
#Idk anymore
spare glen
woeful ridge
there is always hope, never give up. Recovery is not linear. I'm sorry to read what you're going through, I hope things with your boyfriend get better, but if you guys keep fighting maybe it's better to take a step back 