Uncertain yet hopeful

[earnest swan]

this happened to me at 14

now its been a few years and this fluctuates in severity

i just want to know if anyone went thru this and how they fully erased this

this thing was with me since i was like 8

it became severe with time, it would come and go periodically for months

in my worst phase i would literally not able to differentiate between real and imaginary thoughts, if my mind said the sky was red i had to accept it, even if it wasnt, i woul have to convince myself for hours tht it was like this

i used to count my breaths,blinks and almost anything infront of me even if i didnt want to

it was terrifying when i did tht

i used to hear audio loops of anything, it can be a song or just a single voice it wold just repeat nonstop all the time to the pont tht id end up crying nd not able to focus on wht i was doing

i even heard voices although they were mostly my own thoughts and nothing severe

there r many more symptoms tht just were weird and just too much unbearable

although they seem to have almost gone to by now

but whts rly disturbing is, i miss those moments, its almost like i hate them and love them at the same time

i dont miss them to the point tht i want them back , i just feel empty although im not complaining, id wish to be in this state if i had a choice