emi's safe space

[split veldt]

vents, updates on my life etc

[split veldt]

emi's safe space 💤

emi's safe space

[split veldt]

It's funny how most of the shit I'll post here are gonna be panic and anxiety attacks that I'll get from my heart aches

[split veldt]

It's kind of weird how somehow I wish I could tell my story here

But I'm scared

I'm scared that if my friends read they'll look at me different

So I just don't

I'm not really sure anymore

Now I lwk understand boden how he feels when he can't help people

Man I hadn't felt like this in like

A month

[split veldt]

I got so used to posting on journal I forgot I have this for venting

But I'ma be real rn

I'm kinda scared for this school year

Bc of a girl

Wow speak of the devil she js texted in snap 💔

So she used to be in the dorm w md

Me

And I haven't told her I'm not going to the dorm this year

So she's definitely gonna be like super mean to me

Tbh she used to like grab me by the hair as a joke

So fuck that I'm glad I won't live with her

Sometimes I hate how she just calls me out of the blue

I get that this seems mean but like she doesn't call me bc she needs something

She calls me because she doesn't have anything else to do

And I've been trying to avoid her sm

But she spamms me a lot

I would block her if I could

But I'm scared I'll make it worse

[summer goblet]

Honestly, I would talk to her.

Let her know how you feel.

Like- fuck it if she gets mad

Your body matters more than some fuckass weirdo trying to tear down your walls

Don't let her try to storm your castle

You should be the one reigning in the Calvary

It might seem scary

But in the end it's worth it

[split veldt]

I don't really know

I don't wanna make it worse

It's better if I stfu

Lwk crazy how many people I had to put on ignore on discord ☠️

[summer goblet]

Your situation is tough

But honestly

You're tougher

I've seen how kind you are to people, and you deserve the same exact level of kindness

[split veldt]

Tysm gang

[summer goblet]

🫶

You don't have to thank me

Thank yourself

You've led yourself through this journey, and you are making out alive

That's what thanking yourself is for

[split veldt]

Lip sync vent

School is gonna be hell this year

Let's hope I make it out alive

[split veldt]

I ate 2 fucking donuts and now I feel guilty asf

They were the home made ones yk the small ones

But instead of shutting my mouth

I went and ate a sandwich

Now it feels even worse

Usually I just stop eating for a day or two to not get too many calories

Idek

[split veldt]

“The Things I Don’t Say Out Loud”

There are things I don’t name.
Not because I’m brave,
but because once you say them,
they become real.
And I’ve already let them win
too many times.

I say “I’m fine” so well
they’ve stopped asking.
That’s the goal, isn’t it?
To lie long enough
that even your mirror forgets
what truth sounds like.

I eat when they watch.
Or I pretend to.
Move food around like puzzle pieces.
Hide bites behind paper napkins.
Count chews instead of calories
because math feels safer
than hunger.

There’s a strange power in skipping.
In choosing emptiness
when nothing else listens.
When the body obeys
because no one else does.
When the world says “you’re too much”
so you shrink,
and shrink,
and shrink
until they forget you were ever there.

Nights are the worst.
I’ve never been good at sleeping.
The ceiling knows all my secrets.
The fan has watched me rot.
I lie still,
but my thoughts run laps.
Breath shallow.
Heartbeat sharp.
Memories louder than silence.

They ask why I’m tired.
I laugh.
They don’t know
I’ve lived whole lives
between midnight and morning.
Battles.
Begging.
Shaking.
Staring at doorways like escape might walk in
if I wait long enough.

Sometimes I press down
on places no one sees.
Not to break.
Just to remind.
To remember
what it means to feel.
Sometimes I don’t even need anything sharp.
Sometimes fingers bruise just fine.
Sometimes pressure alone
is enough
to silence the scream.

There were nights—
real ones—
where I prepared.
Brushed my teeth.
Tied my hair.
Wrote drafts I deleted.
Lined up bottles
or counted steps.
Held the weight of something
cold and unforgiving,
just to see if it would speak first.

It never did.
But I listened anyway.

You wouldn’t notice.
I looked the same the next day.
Sat where I always sat.
Laughed at all the right places.
Answered the roll call.
Passed the test.

But a part of me never came back
from that night.
She stayed there.
In the bathroom.
On the floor.
In the silence between
pulse and prayer.

I’ve written goodbye letters in my head
so many times
they’ve started to sound like lullabies.
Not tragic—
just tired.
Like fading out
instead of burning down.

They say I’m quiet.
They don’t know why.
I don’t correct them.
What do you say?
"Sorry, I’m just carrying a grave in my chest today."

I am full of shadows.
Places no one cleans.
Rooms no one enters.
And I don’t invite them in.
What would they do with it, anyway?
Call it a phase?
A hormone?
A mood?

It’s none of those.
It’s a weight.
One I built myself,
stone by stone,
from every time I was told
to smile,
to eat,
to stop being dramatic,
to be grateful.

Grateful.
For what?
For a body that screams when I feed it?
For nights that never end?
For a mind that turns against me
even in the calm?

They don’t see it.
How I avoid mirrors.
How I flinch when people touch my arms.
How I time showers
to cry where no one hears.
How I sit in silence,
begging God for anything
but this.

And He listens.
But never speaks.
Or maybe He does,
but I can’t hear Him
through the ringing
in my head.

Don’t ask me what’s wrong.
I’ve forgotten how to answer.
All I know
is that something inside me
gave up
a long time ago.
And I’ve just been
dragging the shell.

So I smile.
And I wear long sleeves.
And I say “I’m just tired.”
And I skip dinner.
And I lie awake.
And I imagine
what it would be like
if I just
didn’t wake up.

And the world
would keep spinning.

And maybe,
finally,
it would be quiet.

Ts so long I had to post on sections

[split veldt]

I'm so fucking scared

I'm scared I might have lost someone

Omfg

If I lose them Idek what tf I would do

Like

They are the only like person that I knew was gonna stay while I finally get through my shit

They are the only person that cares and fuck

I would be devastated

Like actually so fucking devastated

Please be okay.

[earnest fossil]

What happened to them?

[split veldt]

They're okay but idek because they're not opening up to me

I'm a little anxious

[split veldt]

Dude istg I made a gc with some ppl now they're ganging at me because I talked back

Bro told me to jump was I supposed to say okay

Man my heart hurts again

Can't I get a God damn rest for once

[split veldt]

Lwk wanna ||die|| so bad but nothing works

[split veldt]

Emi you okay?

[split veldt]

Dw I just said nothing works so

Lwk no one would know tho..

Or notice

Sorry yall idk what I'm thinking

It feels kind of right tho

Stronger people fall

How can I stand when I'm weak?

Nah

I'll definitely fall one day

Sooner or kater

Later

I mean it always comes and goes

Until it comes bad

Then you're dead

Which is kind of like the ending of something that never even started

Idk

Me doing it feels right

But for others I feel like shit

It's confusing

It's whatever

I'm not sure if it would work it never does

But like

[split veldt]

Sooo

I kind of did something

I'll be asleep

For a long time

I hope

Everything kind of hurts right now

I feel sleepy but I can't sleep

I can feel like I'm slipping

Maybe it finally worked

[summer goblet]

Emi

[summer goblet]

Please

Dont do this

For all of hs

If you stop it all rn

Then you won't be the only one hurting

You matter

Call 988

EMI

Listen

It might seem scary

Stay calm

And call 988

It'll all be oksy

Please

Please fucking tell me you're okay

Fuck

Fuck fuck fuck fuck

I can't deal with this

Thinking I could have preventdd this

Fuck I should've been here earlier

This is my fault

<@&1017490570668691606> shit can you guys doanything

I don't know what to do

Is she gon be okay??

[unkempt ravine]

i really appreciate your concern breezy but we can only hope

it's not your fault if anything happens i promise 🤞

[summer goblet]

Mk...

[split veldt]

I have no idea what happened

I just think I passed out

Now I can't stop ||throwing up||

These never work idk why I still try..

I'm sorry for all the problem I caused

I just

Really wanted some peace

I'm sorry

I promise I won't do it again

Not that it'd work but

Sorry

[unkempt ravine]

@split veldt have you had much to drink ??

[split veldt]

Probably almost 3 packs

[unkempt ravine]

oh gosh

try and drink mostly when you feel light headed next time

[split veldt]

I'm sorry

[unkempt ravine]

don't be please

u dont deserve to b apologising

[split veldt]

I really don't know what got over me

I just

Felt like I was gonna give in sooner or later

[unkempt ravine]

try and get a good few hrs of sleep tonight too

[split veldt]

I feel very sleepy but I have a bad headache

And the nausea isn't helping

Idk what fucking immune system I have that bears with my shit at this point

[unkempt ravine]

reals

you've already had a lot of water but maybe try drinking some more if you keep feeling sick for a while

[split veldt]

I'm trying to drink but the more I take the more I ||puke||

Idk what I'm even ||puking|| anymore I didn't have this much to eat

Or like taken the yk

[unkempt ravine]

don't drink too much at once too

[unkempt ravine]

it might just be stomach acid i dont really know

its rlly weird how ppl can throw up sm after barely eating

[split veldt]

I really want to sleep but I can't

It's 3am

Almost

[unkempt ravine]

dont focus on sleeping rn not till you feel better

[split veldt]

Yeah

Ty

I'm really sorry

I should've know I'm like..kind of immune to this shit

[unkempt ravine]

u gotta stop apologising twin 🙂‍↕️

i know u wanna be nice and all but this is your place

[split veldt]

I know I'm sorry

Damn.

Mb

[unkempt ravine]

its ok just

focus on getting better rn

[split veldt]

I'll stfu before I say something dumb again

Ill be back after like

Who knows

[unkempt ravine]

[split veldt]

I should take some nausea medicine but idk

[unkempt ravine]

hopefully u sleep before coming back but im no fortune teller

just stay safe!!

[unkempt ravine]

migt be worth

[split veldt]

Ty airhead

I appreciate it

[unkempt ravine]

[split veldt]

It's been 10 minutes since I last ||threw up|| it's a record ngl

Maybe this nightmare is finally over

I did take a nausea pill but all it did was make me stop ||puking||

The nausea is still there

Oh fuck nevermind

I think I'm getting the second anxiety attack for the last 2 hours

Fml

[unkempt ravine]

bless

[summer goblet]

Holy shit- just got here

I am feeling so grateful you are okay

Please go cuddle up with a nice blanket, and start watching a favorite show or movie

Maybe grab some tea

You deserve to be cozy

Go show yourself some love

❤

[split veldt]

“He Took It Anyway”
(Tw. ||SA||)

I said no.
Not with fire, not with fists—
But with a frozen body
And lips he didn’t miss.

I moved my arm. He held it still.
Like my silence was some kind of will.
Like quiet meant yes.
Like breath meant give.
Like fear was something you forgive.

The room was cold,
But not as numb
As what I felt
When he became the one
To write my story without a page,
Without permission,
Without my rage.

He didn’t ask.
He didn’t care.
He knew the word,
It filled the air.
But he stepped through like it meant none—
A war was over
Before it begun.

And when it ended,
I didn’t cry.
I didn’t scream.
I didn’t try.

I cleaned myself like something stained.
I whispered, “You’re okay,”
But I was maimed.

My clothes still fit, but not my skin.
I wore his hands like they lived within.
And no one saw.
No one could tell
That I had died
Inside that shell.

They said, “Are you sure?”
As if I might
Confuse my trauma
With a night.
They said, “But he’s so nice to you,”
Like ||rapists|| come in horns and blue.

I saw him laugh the very next day.
I held my breath. I looked away.
And in my gut, a scream did sit:
He walked away. I live with it.

He sleeps with ease, I lose my air.
He stole, then left, and no one cared.
And even now, when I say ||"assault"—||
They ask me if it was my fault.

I didn’t bleed, but I was torn.
I didn’t die, but wasn't born.
I walk each day with this behind—
But every noise rewinds my mind.

So yes—he did.
He took. He stole.
And left me with
This quiet hole.

And no amount of soft, kind light
Can make what happened
Not feel right.

!!If you relate to this poem I am so sorry ml. You didn't ask for it. It's not your fault. You're stronger than them and you CAN do this ❤️!!

[fierce bolt]

just wanted to say you are strong, even though you been through so much, it takes courage to speak out, to say what you kept inside, and I am proud of you

[split veldt]

Tysm ❤️ the story is quite longer but I might post the other poem that is more explaining

I'm not sure tho

[fierce bolt]

its fine even if you dont, i am just a listener to your story

[split veldt]

I thought why not

No one for irl will know so 🔥

“What I Can’t Remember Still Hurts”

I remember the door.
It shut too fast.
A bathroom stall,
No way to pass.
His eyes were loud.
My words were thin.
I said “Wait—”
Then he pushed me in.

I don’t recall what came next.
A blur. A shake. My heart compressed.
The tiles were cold beneath my back.
The air went missing. The world went black.

Not fully gone—
Just halfway there.
Just soft enough
To think I care.
Just present in the worst disguise,
Where fear leaks out
But memory lies.

I remember hands,
But not their place.
I remember breath
Too close to face.
I remember "Stop"
Inside my throat—
But not enough
To fully quote.

I stood when it was over, maybe.
Pulled my coat like I was lazy.
Stared into the mirror’s crack,
And something deep
Did not come back.

Did he take it?
Did he win?
Did I say yes?
Did it begin?
Or was it just a passing shove—
A twisted joke he called "tough love"?

But bruises showed. The rips, The blood.
But in my chest, a quiet flood.
Something in me doesn’t trust
The way my memory turned to dust.

And still he laughs.
And still they smile.
And I just carry this denial.
Not enough to scream or cry.
Just enough to want to die.

What happened there, I’ll never know—
But something left
And didn’t show.
A part of me that stayed behind
In that locked stall,
That tile-lined bind.

And now I flinch. And now I freeze.
And now I shake at harmless teasing.
Because something wrong
Was forced that day—
Even if the words won’t say.

I don’t recall the shape, the sound—
Just that I wasn't safe or found.
And if that doesn’t count, then fine—
But I still wake at 3:09,
With sweat and tears and phantom touch
Of something stolen—
Far too much.

[fierce bolt]

gut wretching poem, Still so much more you've been through that nobody will know, hugs all the way emi

[split veldt]

Tyy 🫶🫶

[summer goblet]

This is so beautiful, and I am SO glad that you are letting it all through.

I almost cried these poems are beautiful

You're strong for speaking out

Even if it's in literature

That's one of the most impressive and brave things a human can do

[split veldt]

Tysm for taking the time to read it. I have so many more with different themes and most will be posted too

[split veldt]

Does anyone ever just listen to a song and start sobbing

[split veldt]

Okay so.

Firstly it started lwk since I was born ngl

My father was an addict

To nicotine caffeine and alcohol

But alcohol was the main shit

It was what got him to hate us more

And it's also what got him to beat my mom up

In front of me and my brother

Oance

Once

He beat my mother so bad he went outside and we locked him out

But he wanted to enter

So he broke the window

That's when I lwk had my first heart attack

The other ones were just anxiety

But I was like 4 at the time

And it just kept getting worse

Most of the time I got blamed for it cuz they said I was the one who made him mad

Because

I got bullied at school

Bullied as in a girl almost ripped my whole outfit in front of the whole school

And they told mom

And dad

And dad blamed mom

So mom blamed me

But pike

Like

That was peak anxiety

It just got a little better by time

Bc it was so bad

I never breathed normally

But

My dad also worked illegal jobs

Which made him not be home much

So be wasn't very there but when he was he was drunk

And um

After a few years

2021 to be exact

I was like 10-11

He almost killed us.

He actually took a knife

And my aunt like distracted him in some way which made him leave the house

But he locked us there and turned off the wifi so we couldn't call the police

But my brother found a way to call them anyway

He went to jail for like

A day

Came back

Took the knife again

But that was one of the most traumatic events for me

He would slam his head in a wall to scare us

And would bite his alcohol bottle

And describe how he was gonna kill my mother

He went to jail

For almost a year

But during that time

During 2022 let's say

I had to travel because my grandpa was dying

I didn't tell my friends

Big deal

Turns out it was a big deal

They ignored and bullied me for not telling them

And like

A teacher

Kind of knew

And um

He took advantage of that

By cornering me in a bathroom when I went there to cry

And uh

That's like

The worst part about that year

I told everyone he just ALMOST ||raped|| me but that's the thing

He might have actually done it

Bc the thing is

He pushed me really hard to the ground

And yk

Started to take off my clothes and stuff

And I was resisting and begging him to stop

Until he started beating tf out of me

To silence me

And he hit me anywhere but in the face

Smart mf

Until he knocked me oit

Out

Idk what happened

But I did wake up

Like

Yk

In the bathroom

And um

Fuck

So I wasn't the way I was before to say the least

I wasn't even 12 yet

And he knew

And he made fun of my body afterwards which made it worse

The worst part is I'll never know of he finished what he started.

The other thing is

I attempted 4 months ago

Long story short mom found out

I told her it ALMOST happened

Although I'm so sure it did

And guess what

She threatened
To take me back

So um

That's a pretty big part of my story

So yeah

I've been clean for 4 months so that's cool ig

I’m proud of you emi

Lol people say letting it out feels better

I've told this story to like 3 people without counting this channel

I don't feel any different gang

Lol

Same shitty person

Yeah

I get that

I lowk kinda feel worse when I talk abt it

Fr

Now I just got another crying episode lol so that's cool og

Ig

Stay safe

You too

?

[fierce bolt]

cry - cigarette after sex

[fierce bolt]

i honestly dont know what to say to you because no words can describe what you have been through and I cant fully understand your pain, but you have endured all of these through your friends or on your own so much so that you have grown to be an adult, but you should still be young sometimes, play and relax more than you are constrained by negative thoughts, you have kept going and will keep going so all the best, I am proud of you emi

[unkempt ravine]

bless your heart your parents should have been responsible instead of taking it out on yourself and each other

[split veldt]

Tysm Makopy. I used to have a really good friend who helped and I helped her too until my family decided she's bad new and made me block her. It might have been a good thing but I'll never know. I thank you tho your just taking the time to read

Ty airhead

🫶

[fierce bolt]

same, my parents made me separate with someone super close super suddenly, i still kinda hate them for it but idk anymore

[split veldt]

I'm sorry about that

But yeah since then it's just been me and my shitty dorm therapist who told everything I told her to the dorm owner

Then I switched tho and it's okay

[fierce bolt]

tf, isnt that a violation?

[split veldt]

It is.

[fierce bolt]

she shouldnt be a therapist man

[split veldt]

She was a bitch

[fierce bolt]

you still talk to a therapist?

[split veldt]

I think she favoured me

[fierce bolt]

wish i dont become like that

[split veldt]

Well it's been a while that I haven't

And I won't anymore and

[split veldt]

Oh are you becoming a therapist

[fierce bolt]

yea, been thinking about studying psychology

originally wanted to be a vrt though :c

[split veldt]

My psychiatrist/ therapist (the good one) told me I should become a therapist. Idk if that's good gang

He also said I'd be great as a kindergarten teacher 😋

[fierce bolt]

well its a road but i think the most important is the one you are happy with

[split veldt]

Yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm going in the music industry tho

[fierce bolt]

if you wanna create music then go for it, if you wanna help animals do that

[fierce bolt]

sheeshh, predictions?

i might be good yo

[split veldt]

I dunno gang Im scared

Last music video had like 8 smth views. It was terrible edit and had no beat tho sooo

[fierce bolt]

you still have a long time ahead of you, dont worry about it, i am an oldhead and i still dont have a clear direction

[split veldt]

I'll decide by time tho. That's what I keep telling myself

[fierce bolt]

just gotta be consistent, nothing blows up all of a sudden, if they did though its just luck

[fierce bolt]

if you want i can play for you

[split veldt]

If I decide to keep making them I'll prolly contact you

[fierce bolt]

most important note to self, HAVE FUN

[split veldt]

🫶🫶

[split veldt]

Suggestion

Never EVER

Listen to a sad song you listened to on hard times

You will cry

And you will have a bad attack

So don't

[split veldt]

“Still”

The room is dark, but not asleep,
A silence curled in shadows deep.
My eyes are open — I can see,
But something else has captured me.

I try to scream, my voice won’t rise,
The ceiling stares with hollow eyes.
A weight is pressing on my chest,
As if a ghost won't let me rest.

I feel it breathing — close and near,
A whisper made from rawest fear.
It doesn’t speak, it doesn’t touch,
But still, its presence says too much.

A figure stands beside my bed,
Its shape like smoke, its thoughts like lead.
I blink and beg to break this chain,
To wake, to move, to end this strain.

My heart beats loud, a silent drum,
But to this world, I’m deaf and dumb.
My limbs are stone, my breath is thin,
The nightmare crawls beneath my skin.

I tell myself it isn’t real,
That dreams can’t reach or bite or steal—
But reason fades when fear runs deep,
When shadows feed on half-formed sleep.

And just before I’m pulled away,
The morning tries to split the gray.
The monster flees with breaking light—
But lingers in my chest each night.

[summer goblet]

Another masterpiece from emi

[split veldt]

Why tf does my brother wake up and decide it's a good idea to yell at me ☠️

Fml gang

[split veldt]

Dude

I love how I wake up

(finally took a nap)

And suddenly my mom and my brother are fighting

Eh idc

At least I slept. 🔥

I did have the wildest dream lol

But I'm kinda used to it

I'm not sure if it was a dream or sleep paralysis

But

I was in my bed

And this guy that kinda ruined my life was at the end of my bed

Staring at me

And then he just kept coming near my face

I couldn't move or scream

That lasted for a while but the person kept changing

But honestly idec

I just hate how the fear lingers.

Maybe I'm too used to this

[split veldt]

Look what she does gang I was asleep

[split veldt]

“The Quiet Ones”

We are the quiet ones —
The nodders, the smilers, the “I’m okay”-ers.
We pass each other like shadows in halls,
Each carrying a storm no one ever calls.

We laugh on cue,
Say “I’m fine, you too?”
Even when we’re falling through
The floor beneath our silent shoes.

There’s the girl who stays late, head on the desk,
Pretending she studies, but trying to rest.
There’s the boy who jokes so no one can see
How lonely it feels just to be he.

There’s the parent who holds the world on their back,
Who cries in the bathroom and never comes back.
There’s the child with eyes far older than years,
Who’s learned to survive by hiding their tears.

We scroll, we type, we sleep, repeat—
We tell ourselves this life is sweet.
And yet we ache for something more
Than getting by, than being ignored.

We want someone to really ask,
To see through the polished mask.
But we also fear what we might say
If we’re too honest, slip away.

So we keep it quiet, keep it neat,
Make small talk in the checkout seat.
And when the world turns off the light,
We hold our breath and lose the fight.

Because we are not broken.
We are not weak.
We are the ones who never speak—
But feel too much and say too little,
Living with hearts that crack in the middle.

We are the quiet ones.
And maybe you are, too.
Still here. Still breathing.
Still trying to make it through.

[fierce bolt]

bruh wtf man, she meeds to chill fr

[split veldt]

She does this all the time ngl

Then she just keeps saying ohh I love you

Ohh you're so pretty

She made me talk to her 10yo friend just bc she wanted to meet me 💀

Like I don't wanna meet her gang

[fierce bolt]

bro is straight up obsessive with you 💀

[fierce bolt]

the way you come up with these are so good, god damn makes me really feel the poem, Good job emi

[split veldt]

Thank you so muchhh I have literally so many in my drafts but I don't think I should post them all at once

[split veldt]

Lwk my heart hurts again

Fml gang

I thought it stopped

[summer goblet]

You good?

[split veldt]

Yeah

Lol the dumbest thing I've ever done

Not the dumbest but yk

Is feel myself about to pass out or fall

And instead of holding somewhere

I ran to sit 💀

[fierce bolt]

slowly sit is fine if you feel yourself passing out, just dont do it quickly

[split veldt]

Mom is mad again

I'm fucked

I'm scared

She's acting like dad

She's being calm with me but

She's mad at my brother

Like really mad

And now I keep getting the yellings

Fuck I hate ts

Fml

I wanna cry so bad

But she'd just get more mad

My heart hurts sm

I'm so scared she won't stop saying stuff

And she slams everything

On purpose

Fuck

This stupid cold wont leave me alone

The more I cough the more everything hurts

How I'd wish I was dead right now

[split veldt]

Now she's calm wtf ☠️

[split veldt]

"Inside the Mirror"

You’re not enough. You never are.
Stop. Please. I’m tired of this war.

Every bite is poison, a sin, a shame.
But I’m starving inside, what’s left of my name?

Control is strength. You’re weak if you fall.
I just want peace — to escape it all.

Thin means worthy. Thin means pure.
But my soul feels empty and insecure.

Ignore the hunger, the pain, the cries.
But I’m fading away before your eyes.

You decide who you are today.
I just want the voices to go away.

Perfection waits if you hold on tight.
I’m losing myself every single night.

One more day, one more fight, don’t stray.
I’m drowning, but I’m too scared to say.

You’re not enough. You never are.
But I’m breaking apart — can someone see the scar?

A dialogue poem

My voice is the bold part

The other one represents eating disorders

[split veldt]

"If I Lost the War With Me"

If I lost the war with me,
Would anyone fall to their knee?
Would silence echo louder still,
Or just go on, the world fulfilled?

If I waved a final, quiet goodbye,
Would anyone even ask why?
Or would they shrug and walk away,
As if I never fought each day?

If my smile was the last disguise,
Would anyone see through the lies?
The jokes, the laughs, the faked delight—
Did no one notice I lost the fight?

I begged myself to stay each night,
To hold the line, to dim the light.
But I was tired, bone-deep and numb,
A thousand battles, always one.

If I lost the war with me,
Would they say I’m finally free?
Or would they claim they “didn’t know,”
Though signs were there, just buried low.

Would they find the notes I hid,
The shattered thoughts behind my lid?
Would they regret what they didn’t see,
If I lost the war with me?

I don’t need flowers or a stone,
I just wanted to not feel alone.
But in a crowd, I drowned, unseen,
A silent soldier, never mean.

So if the day comes—quiet, cold,
When I can't carry what I hold,
Remember this, my quiet plea:
I tried so hard… to win with me.

[fierce bolt]

we are always here for you, just know that

[split veldt]

Ty twin

[split veldt]

"You Promised, Then Let Me Drown"

I stitched my will to words you said,
A fragile thread, a silken thread.
You begged me not to fade away,
So I stayed… though I broke each day.

I made a vow with shaky breath,
To hold the line, to fight off death.
“I promise you,” I said one night,
With no more strength but all your light.

And now you're gone—you disappeared,
Left nothing but the pain you feared.
You whispered hope, then turned to dust,
Left me alone with all your trust.

I drag this weight through every hour,
A crumbled heart, a wilted flower.
I never planned to stay this long,
But I can’t forget—can’t prove you wrong.

You said you cared, you swore you’d stay,
But silence took your place each day.
I needed you when storms grew wild,
But you forgot your broken child.

Was I a phase? A burdened soul?
Another ache you can't console?
You said you’d hold me when I cracked,
Instead you vanished, never looked back.

Yet still I breathe, because I swore,
Though I don't know what for anymore.
Each night I ache to just let go,
But I’m imprisoned by that “no.”

I’d scream your name, but what’s the use?
You left behind a rusted noose.
And I’m still choking on your plea,
While you walk free, forgetting me.

You begged me once to never leave—
Then gave me nothing to believe.
I kept my promise. You broke yours.
And now I rot behind closed doors.

[summer goblet]

I'll always be here for each poem ❤️

Loving this one

[split veldt]

Tysm for taking the time to read it 🫶

[summer goblet]

Np (:

[split veldt]

"Would You Stay"

If I showed you all the cracks,
The nights I broke and can’t take back,
The thoughts I swore I'd never say—
Tell me truly… would you stay?

If I peeled the smile from my face,
Revealed the mess, the empty space,
The screams I swallow every day—
Would you still choose me… would you stay?

If I trembled just from being seen,
And told you I’m not what I seem,
That I don't feel like I'm okay—
Would you hold me close… or walk away?

If I said I think too much,
That silence burns and noise is rough,
That I’ve been lost along the way—
Would that be too much? Would you stay?

If you saw me on the floor,
Breathing less and hurting more,
Too tired to talk, too numb to pray—
Would you leave… or would you stay?

Not asking you to fix the pain,
Just sit with me here in the rain.
To see my dark, but not dismay—
To just be there… and softly stay.

Because if I let you in too deep,
I’m scared you’ll run while I still weep.
And if you go, I’ll fall, I’ll fray—
So please just tell me…
Would you stay?

[karmic jackal]

Woww soo deep❤️‍🩹

[split veldt]

“Fractured Breath”

The breath inside me breaks in two,
Half clings to life, half slips from view.
A body failing, slow decay,
Dragging me farther every day.

My heart’s a storm that won’t relent,
Each beat a battle, each breath spent.
The chest that aches, the dizzy spin,
A war that’s lost before it’s been.

I’ve stood beside the edge so near,
Whispered goodbye, embraced the fear.
Longed for the silence, wished for peace,
A final end, a sweet release.

But now the fear comes crashing down,
That last step leads to no known ground.
The want to go, the need to stay—
Torn between night and breaking day.

My health betrays in quiet ways,
Stealing strength from all my days.
A fragile shell that’s wearing thin,
A battle raging deep within.

Confused, I falter, lost, and scared,
By every breath my body shared.
A fragile soul caught in between,
The fading light and what’s unseen.

I don’t know if I’m ready yet,
To leave behind this silhouette.
But every moment, every pain,
Pulls me closer to that final plane.

I’m broken, scared, yet still I breathe,
Haunted by the hope I weave.
In this slow fall, I’m left to roam—
Confused and lost inside this home.

[summer goblet]

[split veldt]

AHHHHH I slept two fucking hours

And I had a fucking nightmare

I hate ts

I was getting ||buried|| fucking alive

And everyone was throwing rotten roses

And some were throwing rocks like they were mad at me 💀

But they all were smiling

They had this smile

In my dream I told myself "they're happy I'm dead"

And then the priest

He started doing the prayer for dead ppl then he stopped

As if he didn't believe I deserved a prayer

Fml

[split veldt]

“The Chair That Stays Empty”

There’s a chair by the window that nobody fills,
A coat on the hook that hangs there still.
The laughter is quieter, hollow and thin,
And nobody speaks of the ghost within.

A fork set out that won’t be used,
A favorite cup that stays unused.
The TV plays, but no one sees—
Just static now, just memories.

The hallway holds a breathless sound,
The kind that screams without a mouth.
The shoes are lined just like before,
But they don’t walk into the door.

We said, “They’re fine,”
We said, “They’re strong.”
But silence held the truth all along.
The jokes, the smiles—each a disguise.
Nobody noticed the pain in their eyes.

They spoke in whispers, soft and small,
Until they couldn’t speak at all.
And when they left, it wasn’t loud—
Just a quiet absence in the crowd.

No letter, no warning,
No midnight cries,
Just the echo of a thousand why’s.
Why didn’t we ask?
Why didn’t we stay?
Why did they feel they had to pay
For feeling broken in a world
That tells the hurting to be okay?

Now we live with the words unsaid,
The texts unread, the thoughts in bed.
The guilt that seeps into our skin—
The "could’ve been"s, the might-have-beens.

And every night that chair is there,
A haunting truth in vacant air.
Not a ghost, not quite a soul,
But a reminder:
We didn’t know.

[split veldt]

“Unspoken Exit”

I feel it creeping every day,
The ache that won’t just go away.
A sting beneath my steady breath,
The whispered edge that smells like death.

My pulse will dance, then skip a beat,
Then thunder loud beneath my seat.
But no one knows, I never say—
I nod and smile, then walk away.

I feel the cold where warmth should be,
A silent war inside of me.
My chest will burn, my fingers shake,
But I pretend it’s just a fake.

They ask me, “How’s your health today?”
I lie with ease, then look away.
What’s truth to them would just alarm—
I’ve made my peace with all this harm.

It’s not a wish, not quite a plea,
But something dark that lives in me.
I don’t cry out, I don’t defend,
It’s not a fall, it’s just… the end.

Some days I feel it stronger still,
Like illness bending to my will.
I wonder if my body knows,
That part of me just wants to go.

I’ve had my wars, I’ve begged before,
But I don’t beg for much no more.
So if my lungs decide to fail,
I won’t scream out, or fight, or flail.

I won’t leave notes, no final plea,
No poems left for them to see.
It’s not that I don’t want to live—
Just tired of all I have to give.

If health is life, and mine declines,
Then let it blur between the lines.
I’ll sit in silence, calm and still,
And let it take me, if it will.

I'll deff regret this

[split veldt]

Okay fuck my heart hurts so bad like actually

I can't even breathe properly the pain is too much

Something isn't right

My heartbeat went from 65-91

And it hurts so bad

[fierce bolt]

ping me when you are okay emi...

i cant do anything but pray you are okay

[split veldt]

Idk if I'm okay. I'm laying down in bed but the pain is almost worse

I feel like I'm burning up

I still feel very weak and like I'm slipping into unconsciousness

[split veldt]

Lwk don't trust ts

[split veldt]

I love when my mom starts fighting with my brother for absolutely no reason at all :p

Well...

Im in the bathroom. Sitting on the floor again lol

Ironic

But err

There's ||razors|| in a cabinet

I'm quite over tempted right now.

I don't rlly know...

My clean streak has almost reached 5 months.

But I feel so fucking tempted I hate this

No one would notice..

Honestly I have scars anyway so who cares ab them

[summer goblet]

sonr

dont

come on

you matter more than this

we care abt them

[unkempt ravine]

its not about others as much right now its more about you

getting out of it is way harder than getting back in

[summer goblet]

god what i said sounded so emotionless

wtf is this

[unkempt ravine]

shh you're just trying to help 🙂‍↕️

[summer goblet]

we care abt them

listen

[unkempt ravine]

yes yes

[summer goblet]

i feel helpless when i see these messages

not sure what i can do sometimes

emi, if you have anything in paticular that you want help with

or that you want to hear

me and airhead are here

so

dont feel afraid to speak what you feel needs to be spoken

Take care of yourself.

Eat healthy, avoid alcohol and drugs, and get some exercise, like a walk or deep breathing, to relieve stress.

Stick to regular meal and sleep schedules. Include fun activities to look forward to.

thats what i do

idk if it'll work for you, but thats the best i can do i think

[split veldt]

I thank you both sm

I'm sorry

I don't need help tho ty I appreciate it

[fierce bolt]

dont fam

[split veldt]

Sorry..

[fierce bolt]

you are important, dont feel like you are not

[split veldt]

Makopy..

I already ruined it

[fierce bolt]

i know. I am not blaming you, but i dont want to see you hurt yourself

[split veldt]

Now that I relapsed it'll be harder.

If someone close ik sees this I'm fked

[fierce bolt]

you got to make that first step, the first step is the hardest but you have to try

[split veldt]

That's the bad part

I already want more

[fierce bolt]

dont, switch your coping habit

[split veldt]

Sorry

I can't fight it

[fierce bolt]

emi, you got to foght it, you have to try, i dont care if you fail or succeed, I'll still be here. but you have to try

[split veldt]

I feel so bad

I feel like I can't even text my friends from here anymore what if they saw this

Omfg they'd be so disgusted

Wouldn't they be better if I left them alone

Not like that but

Idk

[fierce bolt]

i dont know if you are subconsciously avoiding them because you dont feel you deserve help but trust me, we care about you, so dont undermind yourself

[split veldt]

Ofc I'm ignoring them, I want them to get used to not having me clinging 24/7

[fierce bolt]

you dont have to actively try to ignore though

[split veldt]

If they get used to not being with me they won't notice when I'm gone

[fierce bolt]

thats literally not true, and no i am not saying this to comfort you but it doesnt work that way

[split veldt]

They'll forget me anyway

If I just disappear one day

They wouldn't notice

Maybe one would, for a while

Then I'd be forgotten anyway

[fierce bolt]

are you close with your friends?

[split veldt]

Some

I'm talking about online

[fierce bolt]

I'd rather you not, i dont care if there are hundreds or thousands of poems for me to read, if you are not there, i dont want it

i dont want you to feel like nobody will notice, i dont want you to feel like you have no value, i want you to love yourself, heal yourself

[split veldt]

There are hundreds of people like me online

I've tried

It never works

You think it did but it never does

I think I should quit this app and leave people alone

I'm trying not to make any bad decisions but idk

[fierce bolt]

they are not you, and i only want to read yours

[split veldt]

There are poets all around

[fierce bolt]

poets that i dont know yes, but none that have a connection with me, none sings to me, it not about the poems, its about you

[fierce bolt]

I cant and wont stop you if you made up your mind, but i dont want to lose you

i seen a stranger around 2 years back, never talked to her but i thought she was nice, then one day she just disappeared, i still think about her so losing you would be much worse

[split veldt]

@split veldt Please be okay

I just

Please

Fuck

Man

[split veldt]

Istg I can barely walk

I hate this pain yet I can't stop

Fml I'm so dumb

[summer goblet]

@split veldt by now please just call 988

thats the best i can do for you

please

[split veldt]

If I want myself tied to a bed by my own mother sure

[summer goblet]

emi

she cant do that

you deserve better than that

if it really just gets too hard

call 911

idk

maybe it isnt that serious

but it looks serious

and i want you to be okay

[summer goblet]

you cant be too scared to ask for help

everyone does it

[split veldt]

Not here

Trust me

Not here

[summer goblet]

maybe you should though

[split veldt]

It's crazy how much a person can change your mind

[fierce bolt]

glad that boden was there for you

[split veldt]

"I Hate You More Than the Air I Breathe"

I hate you more than the air I breathe.
That choking presence I cannot leave.
You stand like smoke beneath my skin,
A poison I keep breathing in.

You are not love. You are not care.
You're just a shadow always there.
A bitter glare, a twisted grin,
A game you play, I’ll never win.

You talk, I flinch. You laugh, I shrink.
You push me far beyond the brink.
And every time I try to speak,
You tear apart the words I seek.

No warmth. No heart. Just cold control,
You fed on breaking what was whole.
I learned to nod. I learned to hide.
To make myself all hollow inside.

You didn’t break me like a storm,
You wore me down, slow and warm.
Now even silence has your name,
And nothing really feels the same.

I hate you more than the air I breathe—
Because at least the air can leave.
But you remain, a scar unseen.
A truth beneath my every scream.

I am sorry if I post too slow. Unfortunately the poems I will be posting these days might be all old poems because I've lost a lot of inspiration. No promises tho.

[fierce bolt]

no worries, you need to take care of yourself first

[split veldt]

Err

I'm hearing shots outside

Like, a lot

I'm scared asf gng that got my heart racing

It was so close wtf

[jagged urchin]

Are you okay emi??

[split veldt]

Yeah it just scared me

[jagged urchin]

Okayyy as long as your safe

[split veldt]

They were outside so

I just had a bad feeling so I thought something might happen lol

It's not serious it's just me overreacting

[jagged urchin]

Idk gunshots are pretty serious

[split veldt]

Man

Time is passing so slowly today

I feel so tired for no reason

[unkempt ravine]

i think the whole month as a whole has been slow for me

june went rlly quick but july..

[split veldt]

I dunno but

My bday is next week

I lwk don't even want it ngl

[unkempt ravine]

bless i hope u get a cake at least

[split veldt]

I do but I kinda hate cake 😭

[unkempt ravine]

have u even tried that many flavours

like red velvet or victoria sponge

[split veldt]

Not really

But I hate cake in general

[unkempt ravine]

oh fair enough

[split veldt]

But I'ma pretend I don't xx

[unkempt ravine]

get a cupcake at the very least

blow out candles one way or another

[split veldt]

Ill probably have to eat cake anyway

Lol lwk no one irl knows I hate food

[unkempt ravine]

[split veldt]

My sleep schedule might be ruined

[split veldt]

The girl from the dorm won't leave me alone again

She's being so unreasonable but I feel like it's my fault

I confronted her about everything when she started being mean again

And suddenly she tells me that each time she fought with me and told it was a prank

It was never a prank

And when I told her about how she turned everyone against me

She just said "it's not my fault I have more fans than you"

And when I confronted her about what she has said to me

She called me a liar

About everything she's said

She called me a liar

And she kept saying so many stuff about ONE thing I did

And then

When I told her I know she doesn't care about anyone

She said she cares about anyone but me

Then suddenly she apologizes

After sending so many laughing stickers

She fucking apologizes

I forgive her

And she tells me to apologize back

About what.

About fucking what

Then she says I offended and angered her

After everything she said

I'm the one at fault

As always

And I can't help but feel like she's right

I tried my hardest to not fight with her because I knew she'd make my life a living hell at school

But now she just won't stop

And when I asked her how I offended her

She just called

But I couldn't answer because I was with my cousin and I didn't want him to hear her bullshit

So now she says I'm scared to amswer

And now won't text anything

I'm scared I'm so fucking scared

What if she spreads rumours about what I did

At school

What I'd everyone finds out

What if everyone hates me

Why the fuck can't I have a healthy relationship with people

What tf is wrong with me

[unkempt ravine]

bless your heart no healthy friendship should ever go this way

[summer goblet]

I like brownie cake

its basically just brownies but like a cake

you might like that

also

fuck her

she doesnt know you

she cant tell you how you really are

[split veldt]

I dunno

I think she's right

I do make everyone mad and annoyed

Sometimes I find myself wondering if it would've been better if I did die that night

Maybe I wouldn't have to deal with this

And ppl wouldn't have to deal with me

I don't feel like time is moving on

I feel like it's pulling me further back

[unkempt ravine]

yes but friends should still be there no matter what you're going through or doing 😞

[split veldt]

I don't think anyone wants me as a friend anyway

Everyone gets annoyed at me

[unkempt ravine]

and you think being annoying is good enough of a reason to shut you out?

[split veldt]

Yeah

I mean

Everyone in my life has told me I'm too loud

And that I annoy them

And that I should stfu

[unkempt ravine]

you're surrounded by awful people

[split veldt]

But they're always right

[unkempt ravine]

it doesn't mean being loud is a bad thing

[split veldt]

It I'm annoying people it kind of is

[unkempt ravine]

and you think you should try to be different just to get their approval?

[split veldt]

If I want people to not hate me that would be better

I know she's gonna make school a living hell

I knew she hated me but not this bad

She hasn't responded in an hosur

Hour

I get everyone tells me she's bad and I think so to

But I can't help but think I'm the bad person here

[unkempt ravine]

the problem isn't you i promise that, whether you want to believe it or not there are people in the world who are right for you and would enjoy being around you no matter how loud or annoying you are

[split veldt]

Even if that's true there's no one around me like that, even if there will be I won't believe them.

And I can't help that

[unkempt ravine]

either way ppl like me and boden don't think the way your friends do

but what if you try and talk it out with your friends before she tries to spread any rumors or anything

[split veldt]

Only one knows about what she could spread rumours about

And the thing is idc about most of that

I care about if the school finds out

I don't want a new therapist

Especially the school therapist who tells people from dorms "what's it like in an orphanage" ☠️🙏

[unkempt ravine]

[split veldt]

I lwk wish so bad my attempt from a few years ago worked

I thought shit would get better but damn

There will always be someone who ruins it

[unkempt ravine]

as the time passes you have to put more effort into what you do

and obviously not everyone finds that so easy

(i'm also one like that)

[split veldt]

I'm too tired to try

[unkempt ravine]

right

[split veldt]

There's no results

And no point

[unkempt ravine]

you just have to continue trying

in a way it's kind of like drawing because you don't start off naturally good at it

[split veldt]

I'm doing my best but no one thinks It's enough

[split veldt]

Glad it didn’t work

Huh

Nothing

Bro just spawned tho

Ive been reading

Oh

Nvm mb

[unkempt ravine]

it doesn't matter how little or big the results are you shouldn't worry abt it

even if it's just a small step forward every day it's still progress

[split veldt]

Idrk

I feel like a shitty person

I really don't wanna be here anymore but I also know I can't leave

It's like even death rejects me 😭🙏

[unkempt ravine]

bless

[split veldt]

Ty

Ima go drown in my own thoughts till I do smth dumb

Bye

[unkempt ravine]

take care emi

!!!!!

[split veldt]

I'm getting the 3am motivation to change myself completely ngl

Maybe people would actually like me then

And not pretend they do

(irl)

Funny how ppl online like me more than ppl I lived with

Probably cuz not all have seen me loll

Honestly some ppl at school actually like me and like

Compliment me

But it's crazy how a guy once told me to smile more because my smile is pretty

Then told me I look bald 😒

We had the enemy-but cares type of bond

He is annoying tho

Crazy how I'm actually thinking of every person I've ever met rn

And I'm imagining if they like me or not

Maybe I notice peoples reactions too much

I'm not pretending to be smart but ever gut feeling I had turned out true

"you should have finished your attempt" comments are crazy ngl

They hit harder

[split veldt]

Oh fuck there comes the anxiety again

She replayed my snap

I hope hope hope hope beg and cry out she doesn't respond

She did..

[unkempt ravine]

praying for u rn

[split veldt]

My cousin added her

Why tf..

He says it was recommended

I don't really believe him since he kept asking for her add so he could stand up for me

Idk..

[unkempt ravine]

at least he's trying to be protective i suppose

[split veldt]

Oh

She's blaming me

She says I gave him her add

Tf

[unkempt ravine]

she might be a lil delusional..

[split veldt]

Err ...

She never added him.

She searched him after I sent a snap with his tag

And then she asked me why he added her

When he didn't 😭🙏

Now she's telling me I sent the snap with his tag to convince her to add him

And then she called me

I explained

And I told her it's not my fault she took it the wrong way

Then she tells me im obligated to explain since she explains stuff to me

Then mom called me and a I told her

Then she says I left because I don't know what to say

And that idk how to stand up for myself

And then I told her to believe wtv she wants so then she said she has to leave

And I told her to do wtv she wants

And then she says sorry because she might have taken it too far

Girl or bipolar or sum shit

[split veldt]

I finally got the courage to block her

Idk what was stopping me but damn

[unkempt ravine]

it might be a bit of guilt

even tho you're not really in the wrong for it

[split veldt]

"Between Wake and Dream"

I can’t move. I’m trapped again.
You’re here. I’m always here.

Why won’t you let me go?
Because you invited me so.

I’m screaming, but no sound comes out.
Your voice is lost inside the doubt.

I see you standing by my bed.
Watching, waiting, filling dread.

"You weigh me down, crush my chest.*
I’m the shadow you detest.

Why now? Why every night?
Because fear feeds off your fright.

I want to run, but I can’t move.
I’m the silence that you prove.

Is this real or just a dream?
I’m the crack inside the seam.

I reach for light, but it slips away.
I’m the night that won’t obey.

Why do you haunt me so?
Because you never let me go.

I’m tired of this endless fight.
I’m the darkness in your sight.

Will I ever be free?
Only when you face me.

How? How do I face this pain?
By breathing through the strain.

It’s so hard when you’re right here.
But I disappear with fear.

Then stay away, leave me be.
I’m part of what you see.

I don’t want you to stay.
Yet I’m here when you pray.

One day, I’ll wake without your grip.
And I’ll fade on that trip.

Until then, I’ll try to fight.
I’ll be waiting every night.

“Scratch the Days”

I scratched the days into the wall,
Each tally marked a time I’d stall—
One more night without the sting,
Without the cold that pain would bring.

I wore long sleeves like armor tight,
Hid my arms from morning light.
Smiled enough to pass for fine,
Swallowed screams like bitter wine.

They said, “Be proud, you’ve come so far,”
But never saw each phantom scar.
Each night I fought to just exist,
Each day a cliff I couldn’t miss.

And then it snapped—no thunder, no cry,
Just silence deep, and blinking sky.
I reached again. My shame was loud.
I watched the red and felt unbowed.

No victory song, no strength, no grace—
Just tears that burned a hollow face.
I scrubbed the blood, erased the scene,
But still I knew — I wasn’t clean.

I scratched the days all off the wall,
Every mark — I failed them all.
Not that they looked, not that they cared,
Not that anyone ever dared.

They only cheer when I behave,
When I stay silent, clean, and brave.
But when I break, when I confess,
They say I’m selfish. Say I’m less.

I was clean… for them, not me.
Now I'm broken quietly.
And all I have is this regret—
A wound they’ll overlook, forget.

"Happy Pills"

They call them “happy pills,” so light,
As if they chase away the night.
Tiny soldiers in a jar,
Promising to mend each scar.

But no one talks about the weight,
The hollow side effects of fate.
The way they numb, the way they blur,
The dreams that fade, the thoughts that stir.

I take them like they’re sacred law,
Because without them, life feels raw.
But with them, too, I feel erased,
Like parts of me have been replaced.

I smile more, they say it’s great,
But they don’t see what’s on my plate.
They don’t hear the silent screams,
Or how I unravel in my dreams.

They tell me I should feel more peace,
But some days pain just doesn’t cease.
And though my hands don’t shake as much,
I miss the fire, the human touch.

“Better than before,” they cheer,
Yet I still flinch when people near.
Still write goodbye in hidden lines,
Still fake my laughs, still miss the signs.

These happy pills—my secret chain,
A daily dose to dull the pain.
But deep inside, I still exist,
Somewhere beneath the chemical mist.

And maybe one day I’ll be free,
Not chained to pills to just be me.
But for now, I take them still—
My silent pact, my bitter pill.

"You Were the Slowest Kind of Poison"

You were the slowest kind of poison,
Not swift, not sharp—just always there.
Like the pain that aches without a cause,
Like the weight of struggling for air.

My chest still burns with phantom fire,
A pulse that skips, a breath that lies.
The cold creeps in, then turns to flame,
As if my body's full of spies.

You never shouted, never struck—
You watched me rot from deep within.
Like every heartbeat was a joke,
And every sigh, a quiet sin.

I’ve counted beats that twist and turn,
A rhythm ruined long ago.
I’m breaking down, piece by piece,
But it’s a death you’d never show.

You weren't a storm, or sudden crash,
Just static in my every day.
Like nerve pain with a smile on,
Or blurred vision that won’t go away.

You didn't help. You didn’t care.
You said it’s all inside my head.
But bodies speak in silent screams—
And I can’t run from what I’ve bled.

So now I stand, a ghost in skin,
Still here, but not the same as then.
You were the slowest kind of poison—
And I won’t drink from you again.

Xx

Hope y'all like these

[fierce bolt]

yes emi, fuck her and whatever she thinks, who the fuck does she think she is, it isnt right for someone to behave like this and you shouldnt feel like its your fault or obligated to fix whatever shit she throws your way

[split veldt]

Man, you're so sweet ❤️

[fierce bolt]

This is a really well written one, I had to read it again and again, but i think it refers to trauma and pain, or an invisible pain that was caused by someone else, just like a poison that corrodes the user with time. every words are filled with melancholy so i wonder how you felt when you made this, there's not a lot i could do but if you want to talk i can be there, I think I'll read your poems quietly in the future

[split veldt]

Aw ty

[fierce bolt]

btw is there 12 tallies, or am i just reading too much into it?

[split veldt]

Idk what tallies r 😓

[fierce bolt]

then i must be reading too much into it

[fierce bolt]

tallies are the things you said you scatched into the walls

[split veldt]

Oop mb

[split veldt]

Two birdss

On a wiree

One says hello

And the other

Says I'm

Tireddd

On tries to fly

And the other watches

From that wiree

[split veldt]

What meaning does this convey

[split veldt]

Hm?

Js a song stuck in my head :).

Oh lol

I thought it was like

I have a lot of songs stuck in my head lol

Me too

But I can't listen to them all

[split veldt]

Oh

Right

I thought it was like a poem

Or sum

Mb

Not “your bad”

My bad

Nah

Alr lol

I should post more poems ig

Imma try to sleep

Ok

"Breathing Is a Chore"

Breathing is a chore these days,
Not life, not light, not love—just haze.
Each inhale scratches up my throat,
Each exhale sinks this leaky boat.

The air feels thick, too much to bear,
Like sorrow braided in the air.
My chest forgets to rise on cue,
And when it does, it hurts right through.

I don't gasp, I don't cry,
I just survive—but don’t know why.
It’s not a scream, it’s not a sob,
It’s quiet war. A silent job.

Breathing shouldn’t feel like pain,
Like dragging anchors in the rain.
But here I am, each moment spent
On pulling air with discontent.

No wound to see, no scar to touch,
Just heaviness that weighs too much.
You ask me, “What are you fighting for?”
But I’m not fighting—just keeping score.

Of nights I lasted, days I faked,
Of meals ignored, of smiles I faked.
Of conversations where I lied,
And said I’m fine—though half had died.

I don’t want poems, I don’t want songs,
I want to know why this feels wrong.
Why existing steals my will,
Why even breathing feels uphill.

I don’t want advice or light.
Just someone who will sit through night.
Not to fix me, not to mend—
Just to stay until the end.

Because breathing is a chore today,
And I don't know what else to say.

“Never Enough”

They say, “Do your best,” so I gave it my all,
But the bar moved higher, and I still felt small.
They smiled when I passed, but frowned when I fell,
Like love was a trophy I had to compel.

“Be quiet, speak louder, be soft, be tough.”
“Don’t try so hard, but don’t slack off.”
Too loud for the calm, too calm for the storm—
Too weird for the group, too tired to conform.

They liked me better when I wasn’t real,
When I hid my thoughts and how I feel.
When I laughed at pain, made fun of my truth,
Wore a mask made of someone else's youth.

I hold my breath to make room in their air,
Say sorry for simply being there.
They say I’m dramatic when I break down in tears,
But where were they hiding in all of these years?

When I picked up their pieces but dropped my own,
When I stayed awake so they weren’t alone,
When I bit my tongue so they could speak—
Why did no one notice me grow weak?

I’m tired of trying to be the right shape,
Tired of bending, of fixing, of fake.
If I’m never enough for the people I trust,
Then maybe they never loved me, just the dust.

“The Walls Collide”

The walls collide — or maybe shake,
It’s hard to tell what’s real, what’s fake.
The room is spinning, breath is thin,
A war outside, a war within.

My thoughts are loud, then far too still,
They rise like smoke against my will.
A whisper turns into a scream,
And nothing’s ever what it seems.

The corners close, they press me tight,
As if the walls demand a fight.
Each heartbeat feels like breaking glass,
A moment’s peace I cannot grasp.

I reach for calm, but hands retract,
The ceiling folds, the floor reacts.
My mind begins to disobey,
And light dissolves into the gray.

The walls collide — I feel the quake,
A world too fragile now to fake.
I sink into the crooked floor,
A part of me I can't restore.

No doors appear, no windows wide,
Just heavy air and truth denied.
The silence mocks, the echoes jeer,
And all I am is trapped in fear.

The walls collide — again, again,
A cycle carved beneath my skin.
I brace, I break, I beg, I hide...
But no one sees the walls collide.

That's it for now ig

I have a poem I thought it's well formed but ppl would get worried

Eh fuck it

"I Won’t Stay Long"

I won’t stay long, don’t mind the mess,
The scattered thoughts I can’t suppress.
I came to breathe, to speak, to say—
But not to burden, not to stay.

I’ll sit here quiet, maybe smile,
Pretend I’m fine, just for a while.
You won’t suspect, you never do,
The weight I drag, the fading hue.

I won’t unpack these silent screams,
I’ll fold them into broken dreams.
No need to worry, no alarm,
I’ve trained my voice to sound so calm.

I won’t stay long, I never could,
This world was never understood.
I tried to fit, I played my part,
But something shattered in my heart.

I laugh too loud, I speak too low,
I never say the things I know.
I’m here in shadow, not in light—
A ghost that lingers out of sight.

Don’t ask me why I’m not okay,
It changes shape with every day.
But when I say I’m "just a bit tired,"
I mean the fire has long expired.

So if you see me come and go,
With eyes that dim but do not show,
Just hold me gently in your mind—
A name the world forgot to find.

I won’t stay long, I never will.
But for this moment, I’ll be still.
So let me fade without a sound…
I was just passing through this town.

[fierce bolt]

we'll always be here for you

[split veldt]

Ty

[split veldt]

"Bathroom Clock"

I'm laying on the bathroom floor again,
tiles cold like the inside of my chest.
The lights are off. The world is dim.
But it’s still too bright inside my head.

All I hear is the clock in my hand—
ticking like it’s taunting me,
like it knows I’ve got nowhere to go,
like it’s daring me to stay still.

My breath comes soft,
but not peaceful.
It’s the kind of breathing that feels like work
for a body that doesn’t want to try anymore.

And my heart—
it beats like it’s confused
why it’s still beating at all.
Not out of hope. Not for love. Just… function.

I’m not crying.
That would mean I feel something.
But the silence is louder
than any scream I could give.

This isn’t sadness.
Sadness had color once.
This is gray. This is the pause between pulses.
This is the space where even pain gave up.

And maybe I’m still here
because the clock is still ticking.
Or maybe
it’s the only thing that remembers
I ever was.

[split veldt]

Man.

I thought I was good this time

I ate food

But fuck my body keeps refusing it

Yet still I don't lose weight

I hate ts

I have so many things to do..

Yet I can't seem to get up

I wish I could've napped a little

But I felt so calm I was scared that if I go to sleep

I'll wake up with anxiety

I hate this sm

“That Place”

There was a house on Hollow Street,
Where silence clung to every seat.
The walls were gray, the floors would creak,
And even joy felt cold and weak.

The windows stared with hollow eyes,
A cage beneath indifferent skies.
The air was thick with things unsaid,
Like echoes of the tears I shed.

The kitchen smelled of old regret,
Of midnight cries I can’t forget.
The halls held shadows, never light,
And dreams would die there every night.

Laughter was a foreign sound,
Too fragile to survive that ground.
And every door I dared to close
Would lock in ghosts I never chose.

I learned to tiptoe, not to speak,
My voice was soft, my spine was weak.
Each corner carved a deeper fear,
And no one ever noticed here.

The mirrors cracked but told the truth—
They knew what stole away my youth.
That place was not a home to me,
But where I learned to cease to be.

Years have passed, the walls have aged,
Yet I’m still tethered, still enraged.
But if I stood there once again,
I’d feel that chill beneath my skin.

A thousand screams behind one door,
The quiet wars I can’t ignore.
It shaped me, scarred me, broke me thin—
I’d never go back there again.

[split veldt]

"The Watching"

They said, “It’s paranoia,” with a laugh so slight,
But I feel the stares in the dead of night.
In corners dim, and silence deep,
Their eyes still follow, even in sleep.

No lock or door could keep them out,
Their presence curled in every doubt.
A glance, a giggle, a whisper low—
Their judgment burns from long ago.

Walking halls with shoulders tight,
Flinching from each flicker of light.
Was that a shadow, or just the breeze?
No rest, no calm, no inner peace.

Screens reflect their hidden glee,
Faces blurred, but watching me.
The voice inside begins to swell—
“You're never safe, you know it well.”

I changed the way I moved and dressed,
Spoke less, smiled more, did all the rest.
But nothing made them go away—
They haunted every step each day.

Years went by, and I remained,
A prisoner chained to thoughts engraved.
Till one dusk, I stopped and turned,
Faced the stares my soul had earned.

And what I saw was nothing near,
Just echoes of a younger fear.
Their power faded, thin like glass,
I breathed, I blinked, and let it pass.

They never lived in present time,
Just ghosts of guilt, not truly mine.
Their eyes, once sharp, now shattered fast—
In the end. It was my past.

[split veldt]

Lwk found out barely anyone is coming for my bday...

I knew it's gonna be smaller than the other bdays but damn

Max. One girl is coming

Even for her I'm not sure because she hasn't asked anyone yet

Man its gonna be boring

It doesn't feel like my bday

[split veldt]

I have a really really bad feeling....like smth bads going to happen

[split veldt]

She's not coming either..

[split veldt]

Omg emi… I’m so sorry

[split veldt]

You don't have to apologize it's not your fault

But my cousins are here

We were having so much funnn

Until mom told me I'm being to loud

That kind of hurt but I'll pretend it didn't

Like always

[unkempt ravine]

AT LEAST PEOPLE WERE THERE!!!!

[split veldt]

They're staying for my bday too !!

My cousin says he got me a lububu...

I have mixed feelings about those

And he told me it's pink although my fav colour is blue 🔥

[unkempt ravine]

i would say i dont mind ppl who have them but i'd be lying to myself

they're evil little shits

[split veldt]

I appreciate him staying on the trend but

If it's pink

I'll crash out

I don't have anything against pink

It's a beautiful color

But if I could I'd get everything in blue,white grey and black

Nothing else

[unkempt ravine]

right

[split veldt]

In what way did u mean that 😭

[unkempt ravine]

idk actually

[south basin]

hi

[split veldt]

What are those

@unkempt ravine what are those 😭

[unkempt ravine]

they're little collectibles that have become rlly popular recently

ppl are getting like really mad over not getting the right colour labubu they want

https://tenor.com/view/labubu-ququ-popmart-is-for-me-cute-gif-9623572767072103696

[south basin]

Labubu in 2025

[split veldt]

I'm not mad ab that I'm mad about him thinking my fav colour is pink although I've told him a million times it's blue 🙏

Js saying

"The Lights Are Going Off"

The lights are going off again,
One by one, inside my head.
First the laughter, then the voice,
Then every word I never said.

Flickering like distant stars,
Memories blink and disappear.
I reach for them with trembling hands,
But all I grasp is fear.

The hallway dims, the shadows grow,
I lose my path, forget my name.
Even silence sounds too loud—
And every breath feels just the same.

My thoughts are bulbs that burst and fade,
Too fragile for this constant storm.
The warmth I knew has turned to ash,
This mind no longer feels like home.

I hum a tune I can't recall,
It echoes through the empty space.
The mirror doesn’t hold my face—
Just someone else has taken place.

And still they say, “You’re fine, you’re strong,”
While wires spark inside my chest.
I’m breaking slow, in quiet ways,
But no one sees me fail the test.

A final flick. The last light sighs,
Darkness wraps around my frame.
I whisper once, “Is someone there?”
But no reply. Just more of the same.

The lights are going off again—
And maybe that’s okay this time.
To sleep inside this quiet black,
Where pain forgets to rhyme.

[unkempt ravine]

i know but ive seen ppl genuinely crash out over spending so much money to get a colour they don't want 😔

[split veldt]

I knowww 😭

"The Hunger That Stays"

It started off small — just a taste, just a try,
A way to feel something, or maybe just fly.
One sip, one puff, one pill in the hand,
And suddenly gravity slipped from the sand.

It whispered like comfort, a voice in the haze,
“Come back,” it said sweetly, “forget all your days.”
The world was too loud, my head even worse,
But this — this was quiet, a blessing, a curse.

It gave me control while taking my mind,
It told me I mattered while making me blind.
The mirror grew hollow, my fingers turned gray,
But I told myself, “It’ll all go away.”

I promised I’d stop, I swore on my soul,
But it dug in its claws and swallowed me whole.
The nights became tunnels, the mornings all blurred,
And no one could help me — no prayer, no word.

They said it was weakness, a choice I had made,
But they never felt how the silence decayed.
They never heard laughter come laced with a scream,
Or woke up mid-craving and broke at the seam.

I lost all my colors, my skin turned to ash,
My heartbeat grew slower, my thoughts in a flash.
It told me it loved me, it’d never let go,
While tightening chains in a gentle, cruel show.

I missed birthdays, faces, the scent of the rain,
Traded moments for numbness and comfort for pain.
I tried once to stop it — the ache in my bones,
But cold shakes and panic just made me feel alone.

They cheered when I “beat it,” but didn’t quite see,
The hunger was still curled up inside of me.
It doesn’t just vanish, it doesn’t just fade,
It lingers in corners my shadows have made.

So here I still sit, with my hands on my knees,
Afraid of the quiet, the pull of the breeze.
And maybe tomorrow, I’ll make it, I might —
And although it's heavy, I won't lose this fight.

"Whispers in Smoke"

A breath, a flicker, a smoky veil,
A rush that rides the restless gale.
Whispers curl in silver streams,
Promises of quiet dreams.

Calm arrives in whispered breath,
A fleeting touch that cheats the death
Of anxious thoughts that crowd the mind,
A moment’s peace, so hard to find.

But beneath the hush, a silent bind,
Chains unseen, yet tightly twined.
A craving grows, a shadow’s call,
A high that rises just to fall.

In smoky trails, the truth is clear—
What soothes today, may cost tomorrow’s cheer.
Yet still we chase the fleeting night,
For just one more taste of calm’s light.

[split veldt]

I love how I'm supposed to be happy for tomorrow

But instead

I find myself having to find something good enough to cover up

I don't regret what I did

I regret the depth and the aftermath

And the fear these will never fade.

[split veldt]

I'm actually so upset I have nothing to wear

I'm gonna cry

This birthday is gonna suck so bad

I actually feel a panic attack coming

Fuck I hate ts

[unkempt ravine]

bless

it doesn't have to be a great birthday if you don't expect it to be but at least do something memorable

[split veldt]

I know but

Everyone is telling me to dress pretty

At the same time I have a strict brother

At the same time I have scars