#airhead's journal

1 messages · Page 6 of 1

valid axle
#

idk what to do to gconvince myself to do as much as leave the house for college

#

i rlly cant miss another day

#

i need to get my attendance back up to 80% and over

tight pier
#

Ig try etching it in your mind that, yes I gotta resume going again and once you go for a day, tell to yourself again that I'll go the day after aswell

#

That's how you get back in sync

#

But the first 2 days will be too damn important to do so

#

And considering yk how important the attendance thing is for your college I think you should really try your best to go so

valid axle
#

kinda need 95% minimum to pass anyway

tight pier
#

You gotta get your ass up atp💔

valid axle
#

my ass is very much up

#

I must survive college with 37

#

%

#

I thought od a funny joke

#

someone in a server said they won 400 and my friend said to save it

#

I said

#

why?? is it in danger??

#

I'm soo fhnny

#

recording myself going bald tomorrow

valid axle
#

God I haye being left out

#

some of my lowest points were because I was left out

#

jealous of my friends playing, being sat on my own at a party, RIGHT NOW

#

rvery tome I walk to school eith my friend one of her friends comes up and they walk together

#

completely fucking leaving me behind and forgetting I'm even there

#

I feel so awkward whenever they go over to a group because I'm sat there pretending to be on my phone

valid axle
#

getting home at 6pm is insane

#

i had no lessons between 10am and 1pm

#

so i spent some time walking with my friend before they ditched me

#

then helped fold pizza boxes

#

then did fuckall after

valid axle
#

i feel very gloomy today

#

i hope i have a chance with her again

#

yesterday my friend said "yk she said that because she doesnt love you anymore"

#

so i got upset abt that

#

her best friend's girlfriend messaged me saying they're gonna break up with her tomorrow :(

valid axle
valid axle
#

my chest has been aching

valid axle
#

so so tired

#

it hurts just to keep my eyes on my pc rn

valid axle
#

her best friend is gonna lose her girlfriend

#

and im like good friends with her

#

so i might lose a friend soon

#

cuz i would put her and her best friend before my friend

#

every day of the week

#

same person who ditches me in college

valid axle
#

I worded that wrong

#

friend 1 is the person who ditches me, they're breaking up with friend 2 who is close friends with friend 1 who is a rlly close friend of me

valid axle
#

they cut my payments because i got 78% instead of 80% Goku_stare

#

attendance

#

i tried my absolute best to be there every lesson

#

and also today we made these types of scones that have eyes and teeth

#

but i was the last one to do them bc i took so long sadness

#

so there werent enough raspberries left for eyes

#

i was told when mine would be done so i took them out after

#

yea everyone else's were more cooked than mine

#

ffs

next sable
#

💔

valid axle
#

sometimes i forget how much i actually like this song

#

i listen to it a decent amount

valid axle
#

been to the bathroom 3 tmes this evening now

valid axle
#

dude im running so low on money i might have to ask my family for some soon

#

:(

#

all cause they cut my fucking payment in half

#

i js paid my friend for our duo plan but i dont know if im even gonna have enough money to turn up to college for exams

#

i'm so afraid of money

#

i don't know what i'm going to do

valid axle
#

i'm losing interest in everything again

valid axle
#

i can't even go out, i have no friends to go out with, i can't find anything to play and i probably cba to study

valid axle
#

gonna make another attempt at studying

#

then write a poem

#

i think i js need to

valid axle
#

i js cant do any more

#

im sick of so much thats happening rn

#

im sick of all of it

#

i can't smile and laugh, nor can i cry

#

i'm stuck inbetween essentially empty

valid axle
#

i think im abt to get abnned from the one game i played to distract myself

#

i rlly hope they will let me appeal and explain myself

#

i wont talk about it but i js did something i ddint mean to

#

i feel so fucking awful about it i promise i didnt mean to do it

#

i can feel my heart blowing out of my chest

#

whenever i've lost something i've still had the same game to go to when i feel like i need to escape

#

but i might have just lost that too sadness

#

now i dont knwo what to do or play

#

i have no friends to talk to no games to play nothing else to do

#

cant even fucking study

#

cs i give up

#

honestly my friends basically never message me

#

the ones i rlly want to talk with too specifically

#

i want to just talk about how i am rn to her but i dont want to feel like too much to handle

#

esp with what she's dealing with rn

#

i just

#

dont feel like doing anything anyore

#

when can i js be happy

#

as soon as i get excited for something

#

something else shows up and just ruins my whole day

#

fuck this is gonna haunt me my whole life if they dont accept my appeal

#

i have a headache thats killing me

#

i hope one day i'll properly grow wings and be free

#

i hope one day some great pearly white wings will pierce through my back and take me away

#

i just want to eventually be free from my skin

#

humanity 😞

valid axle
#

had a lil guest otw home on Wednesday

20251022_123001.jpg
valid axle
#

i lost my 2 favourite rings sadness

tight pier
#

Omg

#

One of my fav necklace broke yest💔

valid axle
#

nooooo

#

i got so many wristbands for my 16th birthday and thery all SNAPPED

#

from justme putting them on

tight pier
#

I had it for more then a year and it broke

tight pier
#

I wanna get rings

valid axle
#

i want my rings BACK

#

need to retrace my steps

#

GUYS

#

I FOUND MY RINGS

valid axle
#

cuz it has different size options

#

i bought a bundle that has a bunch of diff sizes so half of them dont even fit me

tight pier
#

Ohh yes

#

I'll keep it in mind

valid axle
#

i think on most online shopping sites it shows u options anyway

tight pier
#

Imma just go to a shop and get it tbh

#

I find it much better that way

valid axle
#

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#

THEY BOTH PISS ME OFF

#

TO THE FUCKING GROUND

#

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

#

i could never wish death upon my greatest foes

#

BUT IM MANIFESTING BAD THINGS IN THE MONTHS TO COME

#

i like to say im a pretty nice guy but

#

I FUCKING HATE HIM

#

I HOPE ONE DAY HE REALISESSSSS

#

ITS NOT TRUE LOVE

#

AN EVIL DAY FOR YOU!!!!

#

AND THAT LITTLE ONE

valid axle
#

im so bad at elden ring i could cry

#

i researched this like rlly early game enemy

#

wow he has low drops so im gonna spend a while killing him

#

dude

#

i have 4 heal potions and i still cant fucking kill him

valid axle
#

need a tally of how many times i feel like ive been ignored today

valid axle
#

had a bandage on my burn mark for a whole day now

#

still hurts

#

gonna put a new one on cs its getting old

next sable
valid axle
#

hi

valid axle
tight pier
valid axle
#

for the first time ever in a pokemon inspired game i'm actually stopping to grind

#

normally im js leveling up and keeping up with the game but now im BEHIND

#

wpw

#

wow

valid axle
valid axle
#

i asked if we could play maybe 2 weeks ago

#

weekend she was busy

#

monday she was busy

#

asked for this week

#

saturday she was designing something

#

sunday was her mums birthday apparently

#

(i only recently found out it was actually monday)

#

i asked if we could maybe today then

#

still havent got an answer

valid axle
valid axle
#

just finished bocchi the rock

#

was so good

runic lark
#

Oh yeah I remember watching through that early this year. It was very good indeed

valid axle
#

i agree i agree

#

i need to list down everything ive watched start to finish to jog my memory

#

hunter x hunter, my hero academia, re zero, bocchi the rock, gachiakuta

#

actually that might be all 😿

#

probably gonna add a few more before the end of the year

next sable
#

hi

valid axle
#

i was gonna say something but

#

i forgot

#

sorry

#

EEWWWWWWW BROOOOOO

#

genuinely gtfo

#

k nvm forgot again

#

goodnight

valid axle
#

i watched 3 episodes of call of the night

#

idk if this is my thing imma keep it a buck

#

i like nazuna for her design and shit she's so nonchalant

#

but thats it

valid axle
#

im jus soo alone noww

#

this years gone so downhill

#

nd on top of that i have basically no money to my name

#

or ppl to hangout with

#

i want to throw my emotions into poems but im out of ideas on what to even write

#

i want to throw my emotions into art but i can't draw nor have the motivation or materials to learn

#

and i have ficlomg res[pmbotoo;loes top worry about

#

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

tight pier
#

You'll surely find better people to vibe with

valid axle
#

its not a matter of finding 'better' people

#

its jus a matter of finding PEOPLE

tight pier
#

Is it🤔

valid axle
#

YES

#

😞

tight pier
#

Maybe try finding people with similar interests?

#

I mean, do you usually intiate convos with people?

valid axle
#

my best chance would be reaching out to people in college but they all look more focused on college than making new friends BLABBERING

valid axle
tight pier
#

So you're very much of a introvert right?

valid axle
#

undoubtably Yummers

tight pier
#

Like even for me

#

I would say I do have friends in college. But are they my MOST important friends or friend group? Then that's a no

#

I would say it's better to reach out to people out of the places you go to learn or work

#

It's hard for introverts😔

#

But yeah

#

Cuz eventually the friendship lasting in college can vary

valid axle
#

true dat

#

and im gonna be in college for a while

tight pier
#

Most people end up being acquaintances

valid axle
#

and my only friend at college is currently on their last year

tight pier
#

I see

#

Maybe just try reaching out to someone randomlyYummers

#

Like yk think of it like a task

#

That I'll try speaking to atleast 2 new people today

valid axle
#

perchance

#

just the struggle of people not looking approachable

#

but using myself as an example i like to think the best to approach are the quiet people

tight pier
tight pier
#

Quiet and quiet can do well

valid axle
#

yes ofc

last crater
#

You should always shoot your shot on finding new friends. It's worth it

valid axle
#

i haven't looked at anyone too hard and thought i want to be friends with them

#

def been people ive wanted to approach out of kindness anyway

#

i can tell just from their face and body expression that they probably wouldnt approach people either

last crater
#

College core

tight pier
valid axle
#

its nowhere as bad as me because i will plan to say a sentence 2 mins prior, still mess it up and let it haunt me for the next hour

#

but i still see some people i can at least sit in the same boat with

tight pier
valid axle
#

one time i bought more than i could afford and walked away but it took me 20 seconds to clock into my head that they were calling at me to come back

#

i still think of that every night

tight pier
#

Why let it eat your head out

valid axle
#

its a parasite of a memory that stays in my brain

tight pier
#

BUT

valid axle
#

and i had to do work experience with the same person who i walked away from

#

but it was okay

#

they prolly understand that i was just nervous because i havent been to a college previously

tight pier
#

You're just 17 now, you'll overcome it tho, I was Hella introverted at 17 too😔

tight pier
#

Right

valid axle
#

i love when the math video im given to help is fucking unrelated to the question im doing

#

genuinely what the fuck do you mean -12 + 8 = 20

#

no the fuck it doesnt???

#

they aint even giving me different questions wtf

#

im just making the same mistakes over and over

#

how am i gonna learn from that

#

i give up

#

this website genuinely sucks

#

SO BAD

valid axle
valid axle
#

didnt study as much as i wanted to tonight but

#

i smashed through compound interest

#

i fear if i did any more id lose focus

valid axle
#

i have a friend called scarlett

#

we dont talk all the time

#

but every time we do we're like

#

hii i missed you its been so long SteamHappy

valid axle
#

LIKE BRO SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPP

valid axle
#

sorry

#

GEN YTOU PMO SO BADDDD Angry2

valid axle
#

me when i get my hands on that person

tight torrent
tight torrent
valid axle
#

she's also mtf (male to female) which is cool because i dont have many trans friends 😞

valid axle
#

i think im gonna make a vent for my instagram friends to read

#

idk how many of them care about me much but i want my feelings to be out

valid axle
#

hello

#

funny slavic song

valid axle
#

gonna be posting myself on my insta

#

wow yes my own precious face

#

just incase you care

valid axle
#

maybe i should ask someone for relationship advice

#

i think i shall

valid axle
#

definately

#

fuck dude i have sm stuff to watch before the end of the year

#

i need to finish call of the night like soon

#

then watch future diary

#

then takopi's original sin

#

then the summer that hikaru died

#

then frieren

valid axle
#

im getting myself into the habit of studying which is still good for me

#

cuz i find it very difficult

#

so doing the bare minimum makes me happy

valid axle
#

lowk sometimes i like

#

do small talk or shitpost because i feel like i need attention

#

in places i talk in

#

i jus need to exist there at that moment

#

😞

valid axle
#

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#

I AM OSLONELY!1!!!!

#

SOSOSO

#

i still wanna ask someone about like relationship advice soon

#

just need to find someone i feel like would

#

tell me something i need to hear

#

as much as i would wanna tell myself it can still work out i'm never 100% on it

#

i can't be because i dont understand how things can go from where they are rn

valid axle
#

im not like abt to make a huge burst of energy

#

but so muc is just pissing me off rn

#

huge mix of emotions

#

some shit is just

#

unbearable rn

#

dont have the brain capacity for it

valid axle
#

maybe i should just put a break on call of the night for now..

#

watch sum else

#

i rlly wanna push myself to just

#

watching it all

#

but i rlly cant

#

if i tell myself i'll be reward after then i'm gonna forget half the episode because i'm just gonna be like "lets get this over with"

valid axle
#

i feel so so lost now

#

in my own thoughts which i dont even know half the time

#

i think things but i just never think fully

#

so im left with like a quarter of a thought

#

OOO

#

lowk though

#

i got a rlly good quite

#

let me remember it

#

"born to touch stars, cursed to never touch again"

#

love it

#

thats going on my status yup

#

poem time!!

valid axle
last crater
valid axle
#

thank u

#

WOW

#

thery LEFT

valid axle
#

pmo

tiny dagger
valid axle
#

😞

valid axle
valid axle
#

cats r so cool

#

even big ones

#

@tight torrent look at them go

tight torrent
valid axle
#

woke up jus tnow

#

after sleeping at like half 3

#

its 11am...

#

messaged her for the 3th week in a row asking to play something and she's busy again

#

please i dont want it to be over WAH WAH

#

i said i will wait and waiting i am

valid axle
#

tried my uniform on today

#

looked very snazzy

#

it was a kitchen uniform

#

so it was like a double breasted (yes that's the official term) shirt with 2 rows of buttons

#

no shirt underneath because it's supposed to keep my temperature regulated in the kitchen

#

so i'd get too hot in a shirt

#

as well as a cloth, apron, oven towel

#

it was good

valid axle
#

LOOK LOOK I GOT IT RIGHT

image.png
#

i made it a bit comp[licated for myself

#

but i got it

#

i got out the shower like

#

"i dont think im gonan study today"

#

i ended up pushing a whole hour

tight torrent
#

GOOD JOB!!!!

tight torrent
valid axle
#

TELL EM LAZ

valid axle
#

sort of cried for the first time in a whilr

#

I have college tomorrow but I want to spend some time thinking to myself

#

just me and myself

#

sometimes I wonder if I should be blaming myself for how I used to act and be in general

#

but I wouldn't judge others for their personality, something they can't change, so why would judge myself?

#

is it really my fault that I used to be really bratty, ignorant and oblivious to those around me

#

I know I was just young but still

#

can I blame myself for being so quiet all the time even though I was afraid to be seen by my own mom before I even started kindergarten

#

can I blame myself when I started being left out because I was in general just annoying

#

can I blame myself for doing so badly in school after I was so lonely that I stopped going

#

can I blame myself for not being able to study for more than an hour when I've never done it before

#

I don't know what's my fault and what's not and that's what bothers me most

#

I'm never told if somethings my fault, I feel I'm just left to assume

#

I ask for very little now and I give without recireveing

#

I did nothing more than made a promise to the universe that if I could just have a relationship, a real one, then I would put 110% effort into my work at college

#

I got that

#

and then it was taken from me so unexpectedly

#

maybe if I just didn't say anything that day

#

maybe if I just wasn't being so curious

#

I've already been told by someone else that she said what she said because she doesn't likr me anymore

#

but I would never belive something like that

#

I want to wait but I just want to know how long

#

I ask for so little and I continue to do so but it's just too much apparently

#

I never even got to go on a first date

#

I never even got a first kiss

#

I never got to just lay with her and run my hands down her arms

#

I just

#

hope I get my second chance

#

I beg

#

it's just such a sad little life I have

#

I've felt so alone for so long, not just relationship wisr

#

I just want people I can hang out with

#

just anyone

#

anyone.

#

I just want to be around people so I'm not rotting inside all day

#

I want something to look back on as an adult

#

but my teen years have just been so so pathetic

#

nothing but sat in my room playing games

#

I ask for so so little

#

so am I satisfied with how my life has been thr last 17 years

#

not one bit.

#

I've asked for a bare fucking minimum just ti be happy

#

and now I can barely even afford to get to college

#

I'm so sick of it

#

im going to sleep

#

good night

#

:(

valid axle
#

i asked yesterday when we start college again

#

no fucking reply

#

so today im going in with the chance that we dont even start today

#

why cant people js answer me WAH WAH

#

i cant afford to be wasting money rn

#

i've just

#

never felt so bad waking up before

#

i've lost basically all the good things this year

#

i lost all my school friends, i lost someone i wanted to be close friends with, i lost a friend of a friend, i lost a partner

#

i don't know how many more stabs to the back i can take

valid axle
#

AAAHHHHHHHH

#

I forgot to unbox my scale so I was takin it out in college

#

not like for weighing myself it's for weighing food and ingredients

valid axle
#

I hate my mathvclass

#

so so bad

#

cuz of my classmates

#

AQQAQHHHHHHH

valid axle
#

my mom asked if i wanted to go visit my cousin on friday or the weekend

#

and i thought i was abt to get guilt tripped for saying no

#

but she doesnt even realise that im gonna be in college every day this week

#

usually im only in monday to wesneday

#

but now we have a restaurant class and an exam on friday

#

nd being around my cousin drains so much energy

valid axle
#

u know wht pissed me off today badly

#

so we had boiling pans

#

with milk in

#

and some egg

#

we had to clear it out and then put it back in the pan after

#

but i didnt know we had to because i was too focused on what i was doing to hear my chef say that

#

i asked my friend if i need to clear it out and he said "nono you're fine"

#

and then my chef came over and was like "i said it about 50 times to clean it out first"

valid axle
#

im rlly trying my best in class so it really ticks my nerves when i'm told to hurry up

#

it's not my fault there's not enough stirring machines for everyone which means i had to wait.,

valid axle
#

its okay

#

i still did it anyway

#

i'm not letting it bring me down in college so i'm fine

#

i'm bound to make mistakes anyway even if i make the most

#

just means i wont make the same mistake again

#

i made this yesterday

20251103_150558.jpg
#

my one is the left one and my friend is the right one

#

it's called floating islands

#

my friend's one is more like sinking islands now though

valid axle
#

i resonate with otuka's community

valid axle
#

when i got to college we did like a small survey thing where we write about how our first college term went

#

and then our chef left a comment

valid axle
#

i forgot to update

#

i made roasted potatoes

#

burnt myself and screamed like a girl

next sable
#

hi

valid axle
#

hi

#

i jujt woke up

#

6:09am

#

i have an exam at 9 i think

#

i have to leave the house at around 7

#

for my train at 7:50 or 7:40

#

idk yet

#

50 prob

#

7:52 is my best bet

#

i dont have time to make it to the 7:30

valid axle
#

these people piss me the fuck off

image.png image.png
#

tiktok streams

#

like bro holy

#

attention seeking

#

im so angry im gonna

#

study for my exam friday

#

soon

#

ive started a meathod that helps me do stuff

#

instead of procrastinate

#

i count to 5 and then just BOOM

#

i force myself up

#

and then my brains like

#

"well you already got up so might as well do it"

tight pier
#

Yayy

valid axle
#

herhgdhhdhd

#

ddaokdks

#

i have a lesson today at 10am

#

so i can leave a bit later

#

CHEAP ASS TICKET

#

WOW!!!

#

so its from 10am to 2.30pm

#

usually i get an 8:30 train, leave the house at 7:30 bla bla bla

#

now i can do it an hour later

#

so i got a lotta time rn

valid axle
#

yea i shouldnt be worried

#

do i have a problem? yes!

#

i don't have my uniform!

#

should i worry about it? no!

#

i wasn't told i needed it yet!

#

okay its 8:36

#

train arrives at 9:37

#

so ill get going now

tight pier
valid axle
#

it was good!

#

walking in we were told we're gonna learn how to set up tables, which we did

#

we then learnt how to fold up napkins to make a swan like thing for display

#

we then then cleaned and polished all the knives, spoons, forks etc

#

and thats it

valid axle
#

i js went through and cleared/deleted my dms on discord cuz i like being tidy

#

and ive left so many group chats with my ex-friends

#

do rlly miss when we played

#

but its for the best i don associate myself with someone who makes and tolerates the kind of jokes they do

#

if u wanna learn more abt it

#

here

#

and here

tight pier
#

That's horrible

valid axle
#

ya

#

both girls are close friends too so it kinda just happens

#

and he's close friends with my best friend so ahh what am igonna do

#

nothing is my answer

#

he's chill with us not being friends while he's friends with both of us

#

holy fuck bro i had so manyu jealousy issues back then

#

whole friend group would be playing without tellin me

#

i thought i was overreactin but they jus shitty friends on goodness

#

just kidding

valid axle
#

i think i want to play monster hunter again

valid axle
#

i did some studying

#

practiced questions on stuff i struggle more in

#

i cant do anymore my heads starting to hurt

valid axle
#

exam tomorrow

valid axle
#

gm

#

woke up late so idk if im gonna have much time before i need to leave the house

#

im js gonna take the 7:52 this time

#

not waiting outside for an hour again

valid axle
#

it went really well

#

im def passing that

#

but i got 2 more to pass

valid axle
#

im ill again

valid axle
#

i want to learn the guitar

#

im on that shit

valid axle
#

i would play like

#

I WOULD LEARN BLOOD DRIAN

#

FIRST EVERY TIME

#

BAHH ITS SO GOOD

valid axle
#

tomorrow im going to a car boot sale with my friend]

#

at like 6am

valid axle
#

changed my mind

#

cs my grandma is like ill

#

and if i catch something i cant go out

#

cuz its cold

valid axle
#

thinking

#

i jus wanna stay up but i have college monday :(

#

my friends were playing and i wanted to join

#

but im not an asker

#

they asked me jsnow

#

when im gonan sleep soon

#

see my main friend group dont do that

#

we be like 10% of the way through a game adn be like "should we ask this guy if he wants to join"

#

the other group waits till they at least play like 5 diff games

#

before even THINKING of another person

#

whoa guys one at a time

image.png
#

you think my container is full or na

#

my throat killing me

#

imma gts

#

i have free will

#

i will not sleep yet

valid axle
#

i spent the night making a straw page

#

idek if it works

#

good luck anyway

#

goodnight

valid axle
#

yay

tight torrent
valid axle
#

you right laz

valid axle
#

lowk wished i got texted more sometimes

#

jus to talk about anything

#

i had one friend who i used to talk with for like 2 hours at a time

#

miss that

valid axle
#

im tired

#

studied a bit at least

#

housse smells like ||alcohol|| because my uncle is staying the nighjt

#

my mom said "you know i can help you" and then offered to give me £20 for trains if i gave it back after??

#

sorry aren't you the one who has a full time job?

#

and i'm just trying to ask for money for college?

#

i feel like im being ungrateful or greedy for not wanting to give the money back

#

but bro

#

r we dead ass

valid axle
#

a long time ago i saw a clip of the movie wall-e which i personally think changed me a bit

#

it was a scene with a robot that was a following it's protocall and this guy was trying to make it stop

#

the robot just wants the ensure the survival of the pilot but he says

#

"i don't want to survive, i want to live"

#

it has so much meaning under it i love it

#

to survive is the bare minimum, to live is the goal we should all work towards

#

to survive is to live under a roof with a bed and food

#

to live is to watch your children grow, and their children

#

to live is to do everything you've wanted

tight pier
#

Wow true

#

And yes it's a amazing movie

valid axle
#

i dont think i got it right cuz i was just watching a clipp

#

but it was something on those lines

#

anyways i got home like 20 mins ago

#

showered and ate

#

made these babies

20251110_151059.jpg 20251110_151132.jpg
valid axle
#

SO TOUGH

#

epilepsy warning

tight torrent
valid axle
#

thank you Yummers

#

i hope my family enjoys them

#

they were made with sugar, flower, eggs and love

tight pier
#

Flower?

valid axle
#

flour

tight pier
#

Yuhh😭

valid axle
#

broo someone in my class yesterday was locked in the bathroom for 2 hrs

#

missed our lesson poor guy

#

hr called his dad who called the school

valid axle
#

I thibk one of the most vital things to know in a friendship is what you are to them

#

if you put yourself higher than you really are and expect more than it will never work

#

knowing your worth to someone is the most important

#

as well as knowing your own worth

tight pier
#

True..

valid axle
#

barely eaten all day but i couldnt finish my food idk why

#

like

#

its prolly cuz of all the salt and vinegar

#

made some good food tho at college

valid axle
#

ururgurgugr

valid axle
#

im eating it rn

20251111_183116.jpg
#

its soo gooododododio hgohly FUCK

#

ITS SO GOOD

#

idk whats wrong with me today

#

i havent finished a single meal ive started

valid axle
#

also made this

20251111_183050.jpg
#

african salad

valid axle
#

ive been rlly like convinced to drop rainbow six seiege cuz i lowk suck at it

#

like i never get kills

#

but

#

its my first time playing so im gonna have some faith

#

the best rss players didnt just join and immediately win every game

valid axle
#

the african salad was HOT

#

spring onions with peppers

#

are SPICY

valid axle
#

me

valid axle
#

i love all the little people on my computer

valid axle
#

gyatt dayum

#

over 5000 messages since may

#

well it has been a while

#

like 1/5 of my messages have been this journal

#

i woke up to my uncle yelling again

#

great

#

he always comes over and yells abt how he gets yelled at

#

like please i dont have school today

#

let me be free

valid axle
#

no idea how i won this im ngl

#

volume warning

#

!!!!

valid axle
#

very loud repost

image.png
valid axle
#

hallo

#

yesterday i played peak

#

had a lil photoshoot too

image.png image.png image.png
#

.

#

my friends got me to play limbus company also

#

its the first game in a while where i open my pc and feel like playing it

#

lowk like the game tho

#

its weird but

#

i'll get used to it

#

i got some rare stuff and my friends are so pissed about it waterfallsob

valid axle
#

mood af

568eaa9441f9aad6712cfefa2d5d9c36.png
valid axle
#

people are so competitive

#

i made one statement calling someone stupid for saying demon slayer has an absolutely awful storyline

#

someone else made an eneitr paragraph attacking me

#

do people on instagram really take opinions to heart?

tight pier
valid axle
#

YES

#

i was prolly a bit rude about it but still

#

"the fact you're mentioning iq about an anime says a lot about yourself"

#

genuinely shut up

#

stupid idiot person

tight pier
#

Lmfaoo

#

Well yes

#

I dunno why people take the little of things to their heart

#

Especially when it's not even smtg personal

#

Ngl this also gives us a idea bout the different types of personalities the world has😭

valid axle
#

some people just gotta go

#

we gotta dedicarte like 5 countries just for them

#

and let the rest of the world live elsewhere

tight pier
#

Lmfaoo

#

Guess they'll go MORE insane 😭

valid axle
#

yes

#

i lwk want a response tho on my message

#

LIKE ARGUE WITH ME DAM

#

i take that back

tight pier
#

😭

valid axle
#

because violence does not make me better

#

💔

tight pier
#

Debates can be fun

valid axle
#

evil debate

#

the loser just gets KILLED

valid axle
#

ITS SO MAJESTIC

tight pier
valid axle
#

YEAH

#

my true form

#

a silly cat with a propeller hat eating a swirly pop

tight pier
tight torrent
valid axle
#

its just so sad

#

so so sad

tight torrent
#

what happened??

valid axle
#

we used to talk and play so much it was so good

#

nd then we broke off and now

#

i'm lucky enough to get 2 sentences a week

#

i've asked every week since october just to play

#

"hi are you able to play this weekend if you want"

#

she's always been busy its just

#

the one person who i genuinely ask to play and hang with

#

genuinely the worst thing to happen to me i would lose everything just to try again

#

blessed with the best relationship i've ever had cursed with "i'm not ready for a relationship"

#

i said i will wait but she kept discouraging it so it just makes me feel crazy for still trying

#

but i do want a second chance because it made me happier in that one month more than any other

#

so unfair mane i lost her before i even had the confidence to ask to go out more often or even just join her on a game

#

i was afraid to join my own fucking girlfriend on roblox

#

god knows why

#

i had to deal with people talking/asking about my girlfriend

#

every single one knew how happy i was about my relationship

#

the thing is it's been way over a month but most of them still don't know we're not together anymore

#

i sometimes tell people venting about missing their exes and i want to tell them "once you break up there's no really going back" but how am i supposed to say that when i'm so willing wait for my now ex to fix herself just so i can be with her again

#

she had problems but i was so ready to handle those flaws

#

she said to my face that she will say mean and rude things to me, tear me apart piece be piece

#

but i still wanted to stay

#

i cant even vent to the friend i vent to anymore

#

cs her boyfriend broke up with her

#

we never even got to go on a proper date in time

#

i tried to visit every week

#

regarding my college course i dont even know what i want to do once i finish

#

i want to get a job while at college related to catering anyway

#

i dont think i could handle working in a real restaurant though

#

it's a lot of pressure

#

the best i can do is be happy

#

the worst i can do is tell myself i'll never be with her again and that i wont make it through my course

#

.

#

either way i'm grateful

#

i'm unhappy but grateful

#

if we can't be together again

#

it's fine i think

#

we'll find our happiness somewhere else

#

buvndle of joy

#

it's not something i can js jump to conclusions on tho

#

maybe just having someone to reach out and talk to would help

valid axle
#

im trying my best just to keep myself cool

#

i want to be happy rn but my consciousness is pulling me down like an anchor

#

tho i dont really have any friends at college

#

aside from like a few people in my catering class

#

the rest are kind of losers

#

they smoke outside college and just act like hooligans

#

my only friend i kept from my old school kinda js

#

ditches me alot

#

ITS OKAY THOUGH

#

I WONT SEE THEM WHEN I GET A FULL TIME JOB

#

SO I DONT CARE ABOUT THEM

#

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#

gonna go to college now anyway

#

take care twins

valid axle
#

I got on the train finally

#

it's so nice and warm

#

it's freezing outside which i LOVE

#

but I also love being warm during the cold

#

not being cold during the warmth

valid axle
#

yay time to wait 2 hours for my next lesson

#

ffs

#

I'm reading part 2 of chainsaw man rn

#

I like it a lot

valid axle
#

ppl in college and still skipping classes

#

fucking losers

valid axle
#

every day I wake up wondering how it would feel to bleed out in the snow

#

I hs changed my profile on insta but I'm thinking of changing it ahain

#

one of these for sure

Miyamoto_Musashi.jpg musashi_vagabond_icon_.jpg Pinterest.jpg
#

I'll decide when I get home

valid axle
#

yea i still dont know im gonna keep it a buck

valid axle
#

today was so ass but i made it through the day

#

i had a lot of bad bad thoughts run through my head

tight torrent
valid axle
#

okay finally

#

yesterday's catering lesson was so abyssmal for me probably my worst yet

#

every 10 minutes my chef looked over at me to tell me 1. that i need to hurry up or 2. i need to clean up my mess and work on my work ethic

#

he actively was telling us to slice our apples while also telling me i need to wash up

#

like dude i will DO IT when i NEED TO

#

im not gonna fucking wash up in the middle of the lesson but i felt so pressured to

#

and thats when so many terrible thoughts came through one ear and went out the other

#

i dont know what happened but for a solid like 40-50 minutes i wouldn't talk, not even look at anyone, and i would constantly zone out sinking into my thoughts

#

.

#

also discovered in person how horrible i am at socialising

#

was trying to get to know one of my classmates more because he came and sat down with me

#

wanted to ask "do you play/watch anything"

#

spent the next 20 minutes stuttering in my head because the words just wouldnt come out

#

i tried to use the 5 second rule where i js count to 5 then do it but that didnt work

#

:(

valid axle
#

today will be better

#

i know and pray

#

it will

#

ive been worrying abt her a lot lately too

#

i dont know if i can ever move on if she decides it will never work out

valid axle
#

hate nothing more than feeling like a second option

#

happens every time without fail

#

jus makes me feel like I'm not good enough cs I can't hold a conversation for longer than any other of their friends

#

I don't wanna call her my ex nor can I call her my girlfriend so I'm just gonna call her f

#

the girl I'm always talking about

#

there's this girl at my college who I wanted to say hi to a few times because she has a few common interests with me because she carries around plushes nd shit

#

but apparently she tried to flirt with f when she was 19 and f was 14??

#

how old is this girl bro???

#

she apparently pretended to be mute too and has been here 5 years

#

soon I wanna ask her what she thinks now after we've split up a bit because I don't want to spend years clinging onto false hope

#

at the same time tho

#

I wanna js tell someone about everything and see what they say

#

if they think it can still work

valid axle
#

my chef said I should go to the volunteering that's basically meal prep for the restaurant tomorrow

#

but I hate making late minute decisions so I decided to go next Tuesday instead

#

she is surrounded by BAD PEOPLE and EVIL PEOPLE and given UNECESSAFG RSAPONISBSILITIRW

#

I'm gonna burst eith anger soon

#

it's coming soon

#

I can feel it

#

yeah

valid axle
#

I want to js hold onto her and block out all the bad

#

in her life

valid axle
#

I MADE COLESLAW

#

HIP HIP HORRAY

valid axle
#

i love coleslaw

valid axle
#

cilelsalw got me fucked up

valid axle
#

i got cherry handsoap

#

smells like cherry

valid axle
#

roblox fucking SUCKS

valid axle
#

jus gotta survive to 12

valid axle
#

the first one are baklava rolls and the second are sweet samosas

valid axle
#

mood af

image.png
#

love gachiakuta

valid axle
#

NOOO

#

I HAD A REMINDER OF SOMETHING EMBARRASSING

#

GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUUTTTTT

#

AAHHHHHH

valid axle
#

how i feel losing a ranked match and then waiting 5 yrs for a next round

valid axle
#

I hate how one thing can throw me off completely

#

like

#

i dont wanna go in tmr anymore because my grandma was making a fuss abt it because she didnt know i had another session tmr

#

i also didnt wanna spend another £6.50 on the train for the 4th day in a row..

tight pier
valid axle
#

yess

valid axle
#

sometimes i like rewatching edits i send

#

to people and here

#

FUCKKKK

#

its s good

#

U KNOW WHATS THE CRAZIEST PART

#

THAT WHOLE LIKE

#

10 SECOND SCENE OF THEM JUST THROWING HANDS

#

IS ONE WHOLE PANEL

valid axle
#

tonights gonna be the coldest night of the year apparently

#

for me

valid axle
#

love my cherry soap

#

smells like cherry

valid axle
#

cuz honestly why would i NOT get cherry soap

#

i saw it there and was like yeah thatd be pretty good instead of our normal hand soap

#
  • cheaper
tight pier
#

Bro loves the cherry soap

valid axle
#

like

#

i LOOOOVE

tight pier
#

You sure LOVEEE

valid axle
#

this but cherry soap

tight pier
#

Lmaoo

valid axle
#

fucking love this guy

valid axle
#

im playing monster hunter again

#

miss it

#

downloading

#

haha 67

image.png
#

im sorry

valid axle
valid axle
#

theres police at my house rn talking with my uncle

#

nopt a clue what its about

#

nor my business

#

fucking hate amd

#

monster hunter keeps closing when i open it

valid axle
#

i give up

#

ive been trying for like 2 hrs

#

why is this fuckin shit so difficulkt

#

why cant it be as simple as

#

i reinstall the game after not touching anything

#

and it works

valid axle
#

yoo my straw page has 20 views

#

im a celebrity

valid axle
valid axle
#

im obsessed w this

valid axle
#

every day you wake up is another night survived

#

we go through bad things every day but we do not falter at the smallest things

#

each and every one of us have resilience

#

that is one of the key components of being human

#

resilience, determination and intelligence are what i believe fuel the human spirit

#

we were put on this world to be resilient - to not lay on the floor and cry when faced with a problem, we were put on this world to be determined - to confidently pursue our objective, we were put on this world to be intelligent - do crazy things that will change ourselves and those around us

#

even if it's a small change, you're doing more than just getting older, you're growing

#

every day you're better than the last

#

the brutal truth is simply, you'll never know when the "best day of your life" is and by the time you know then you wont be experiencing it anymore

#

any day could be a blessing and we should enjoy it

#

not all of us have a "tomorrow" which is why we must value "today"

#

.

#

im gonna like go delete a lot of shit off my pohone

#

to free space

#

i need it badly

valid axle
#

didnt do jack shit

valid axle
#

goodnight

#

not satisfied with today

#

at all

#

i wish i did more

valid axle
#

I GOT IT TO WORK

#

YIPP

valid axle
#

oh boy do i FUCKING love monster hunter

valid axle
#

making my salad rn

#

ive skinned the turnip and carrot, diced them

#

cut the greenbeans and got peas

#

waiting for the water to boil rn but im doing the parsley

#

love it

#

and got my mayo on standby

valid axle
#

as so good

valid axle
#

im so bad at this game now

#

im trying tho

#

thas all that matters

valid axle
#

i killed a monster

#

im gonna shower and then eat my salad i made today

#

i have some more so negative things to say but i just

#

dont want to kill my mood rn