#airhead's journal

1 messages · Page 5 of 1

valid axle
#

wow that stuff from last night was so deep

#

i like it

valid axle
#

demon slayer spoiler againnn

#

ARGGGG i love these chaarcters so much

#

i dont know if i could pick a favourite

valid axle
#

i see this picture everywhere and its so fucking funny

b02a969537404c75b401058f0412ebe5tplv-jj85edgx6n-image-origin.png
tight pier
#

Kitty rules!!

valid axle
#

yes!!

valid axle
#

greed and sloth

#

i still feel like i'm missing something

#

and i can't get myself to just study

#

i need to more than ever

#

the 2 sins i emit the most

#

i have so much and i've gained so much

#

yet i still feel i want something

valid axle
#

EVIL

#

i donmt remmeber if i even brushed my teeth yet

#

normally id have the taste in my mouth

#

im pretty sure i did

valid axle
#

nono i definately did

valid axle
#

i 100% did im confident

valid axle
#

not gonna see girlfirned today sad

#

she's not feeling great so

#

tuesday instead

#

i miss her tho

#

its been a hard month for her

valid axle
#

sometimes i wish i were evil

#

like

#

haha im going to cheat on my test how evil

#

im going to publicly humilate my friends how evill

#

truly evil

valid axle
#

ITS SO GOOD

#

I LOVE SHOEGAZE!!!!

valid axle
#

good moring

#

my friend sent me this gif and i love it

#

who else would like it

#

definately @tight torrent

#

anyways i forgot what else i was gonna say today

#

slept at like half 2 cs i was up with my friends for a while

#

so i woke up at half 9

valid axle
#

im so sick of procrastinating

#

i had work set a week ago

#

it has no due date but

#

its required

#

so im gonna get it done

#

piece by piece

#

i think thats the best way cs i cant even get myself to work on something

#

i just do one part and then do more later

#

and then i keep doing that till im close to finishing

#

i was told i need a lot of self discipline for this course

#

so i'm going to do that

#

and if i can't then i'll simply leave

#

I WILL PUSH MYSELF

#

OORA OORA

#

anyways

#

before that

#

these are some custom skills i made on this game i play a lot

#

i tried to make tanjiro's hinokami kagura which was actually pretty fun

valid axle
#

i did a bunch of it

#

i js asked stuff about the rest

#

its sm easier once you actually get to doing it

#

instead of thinking abt doing it and not

#

yesterday i got so pissed off bro

#

on minecraft

#

cause i was playing with my 2 friends

#

friend 1 is hosting the server and friend 2 wants to play all the time

#

so both have to play if friend 2 wants to play

#

they've literally just been digging around my base and making a home there

#

because i live underground

#

nd sometimes they hit me and accidentally kill me and it pisses me off so badly

#

like i'm a type of person that will be still be pissed even if i get an apology sometimes

#

im not in the mood for jokes jus let me play in peace WAH

#

mf kills me for "walking into the room without booking a slot" when its my room that im still working on

#

and one time they killed me nd made me lose a bunch of shit

#

recently its just been them making me lose the will to play bc im actually doing something unlike them

#

just frolicking and wandering like a mosquito

valid axle
#

im trynna find games that have scythes

#

cuz i really wanna use them

#

why do not good games have scythessss

#

theyre like the coolest weapon everrr

valid axle
#

ive felt so dried out today

#

like i woke up as a wet sponge

#

and now im a

#

dry sponge sadness

#

nd i got a headache

#

and i gotta shower

#

and ive done basically nothing accomplishing today

valid axle
#

is what i would say if i was not a bundle of joy

#

I AM

#

I ACCOMPLISHED A LOT

#

even a small step every day is progress Yummers

tight torrent
#

I LOVE

tight torrent
valid axle
#

told you guys

#

GOOD MORNING

tight pier
#

Morningggg!

valid axle
#

im so not excited for a 2 hr break

#

idk what im gonna do

#

i cba to walk around again

#

low key just gonna sit on a bench and listen to music while time passes

tight pier
valid axle
#

hell

#

it sucjked

#

and it was BORING

#

my feet given up

#

it HURTS

#

ive been walking around sm

valid axle
#

i present

image.png
#

her name galaxy destroyer

tight pier
#

Thank you Airhead!

valid axle
#

thank you thank you please no more autographs

#

this was me one hour ago

tight pier
#

Me now

valid axle
#

yay

valid axle
valid axle
#

teacher lied about class atart ING at 9

#

9 30 now

#

o could have got 5 quid train but because I thought it starts at 9 I got 7 quid train

#

sad in colege

#

holt duck I fanf spell

valid axle
#

girlfriend had no plans cs i was coming over

#

suddenly her friend is having a crisis so we had to cancel plans

#

and then she and her drunk friend came over too

#

its too overwhelming for her rn theres too much happening with her life rn

#

cant people jus leave her alone

#

i've been there for her every step of the way

#

we've gone from "weekend" to "sunday" to "tuesday"

#

and tomorrow is just a maybe

#

i miss her sm i havent been able to seen her since all the shit thats happened this motnh

#

im actually so tired today

#

im gonna get some good sleep tonight

#

then im gonna wake up and do pastry i think?

#

we haven't done pastry at all yet

#

this week

#

today we js cut up and boiled/cooked some vegetables

#

monday we did savory and made stew

valid axle
#

i hope i can see her today

#

god its already october

#

okay todays been a pretty bad morning but i hope 2 things

#
  1. i get to walk into college with my friend today just because i like being around them
#

builds a tiny bit of confidence too personally for me

#
  1. i get to see my girlfriend too
#

but i might have to wait a bit becuase i leave early today

#

FUCK

#

i was meant to buy a return ticket

#

i js bought one

#

im getting the other refunded

#

its only £4.20 but i need my money badly rn

#

idk how my financial situation is gonna be in a yr from now

#

i was given money to buy a pass to save money on trains but i need an id to buy it sadness

#

i dont have any of that

#

because someone's mum isn't doing anything to help their son out it seems b_unamused

valid axle
#

I'm sat at the station passing time

#

my girlfriend won't be home for 2-3 hours so

valid axle
#

im home

#

i left at 7:20 am

#

got home at like 9

#

pm

#

PM

#

anyways i love my grilfriend so much today was so funny

#

she had a math tutor and she warned the tutor that im gonna be in the room eating my exotic fruit salad

#

and she kept laughing because i was struggling to eat the papaya

#

which i ahte

#

mood af

#

it was so yum tho

#

it had uhhh

#

kiwi, apple, orange, pear, papaya, plum, pomegranate seeds and pineapple

#

all skinned and made by me

#

and the liquid is uhhh

#

basically i brought water with sugar and a cinnamon stick to boil and then cooled it down

#

then put it in with the orange juice that was already in my bowl

#

shit was DELISHOUT

#

and healthy

#

NEW TOPIC

#

DEMO NSLAYER MOVIE

#

IM GONNA POST SHIT ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU GUYS HAD TIME TO WATCH IT ALREADY

#

this shit was so good

#

oh my god

#

i waited 3 YEARS FOR THIS

#

spoilers duh

#

IM TAKING DEMON SLAYER TO MY GRAVE

#

🥹

valid axle
#

so tired

#

today was great

valid axle
#

i love her so much

#

she's my second half sadness

#

goodnight

#

im sorry if me talking about my relationship sort of discourages or upsets any single ppl here also 😿

tight pier
valid axle
valid axle
#

my throat is so sore

valid axle
#

i made a few stories just yapping abt the movie oops

valid axle
#

sometimes i think about things but i dont really feel like talking about them

#

befause i feel like i will look back and feel stupid

#

or it was too little to even mention

#

i dont have the energy thats rlly why

#

i dont have the energy to push myself down further rn

valid axle
#

i had a shower

#

i feel much better

valid axle
#

i rlly need to eat something

#

i need to eat more but i feel so ill rn

#

so im not gonna eat anythign too big

#

not now roblox

valid axle
#

there's so much i want to say to her but i feel like it'd be too much

#

she has a bad history with lovebombing and i don't want her to feel like she's re-living that trauma :(

#

i have my own bad history which is why i worry about her

#

i feel that if i don't care enough then i'll lose her

#

i rlly do care

#

i would be so ready to just run away with her if given the chance to

#

she's been through so much and i want to be a person who can be there for her when everyone else isn't.

valid axle
#

i love comparing things

#

just in general

#

one of my favourite comparisons that i recently thought of was humans and butterflies

#

butterflies are small, curious and pacifistic creatures

#

for good human beings, we are those too

#

no matter how far we evolve, we will forever be tiny dots living in a place bigger than our own comprehension

#

we will always be curious, it's human nature

#

but the most important one to me

#

butterflies can't see their own wings. they can't see the one thing that makes them so admired. they probably don't see the best in themselves because they don't think they're even that good looking

#

you are a butterfly.

#

even if you have a mirror, you still might not be able to see your own beauty, but i absolutely promise others do. the right people will find you

#

you are so so beautiful

#

never forget that you hold a value you will never be able to see, just like a butterfly

#

the butterfly will never truly find it's way. it'll die never knowing how beautiful it is

#

but others will know about its beauty

#

and if others don't then i will remember you for your beauty

#

because i am not one who forgets

valid axle
#

most the time anyway

valid axle
#

apparentrly we're getting a hurricane today

#

lovely innit

#

i'll b fine it's a "small" hurricane

valid axle
#

ill

valid axle
#

this is like the 4th time today ive blown my nose out real hard

#

like ive gone up to the sink, held down on my unblocked nose and just blew

#

cause its pmo so badly

tight pier
#

It does suck🥀

valid axle
#

5th time

valid axle
#

6th

valid axle
#

ITS KILLINGG MEEEE

valid axle
#

WHADDOYOUMEAN ITS ONLY 4PM

valid axle
#

me rn

valid axle
#

i took a steaming hot shower and feel a bit better at least

valid axle
#

i hope it doesn't turn out to be anything bad

#

my life has jsut turned around i don't want it to suddenly end

#

i think back to the times i called in sick at school

#

never was it as bad as this

#

and this isn't even anything bad

#

please let me live through this

#

its so difficult to stay postivie like this

#

im trying

#

ive been doing nothing all day

#

because idk what to do

tight pier
#

You'll be alright AIR! Trust!

valid axle
#

like my 8th time now

#

might b my last

#

cs i cba to get up again

valid axle
#

I don't fucking know what's happening but it's starting to scare me a bit

#

i went to bed at like half 9, fell asleep a few mins later freezing cold

#

I felt likr I had a full dream and thought I'd wake up the next morning but no

#

it's only bee 3 hours.

#

this is beyond any cold I've had atp

#

apart from like one but

#

still

valid axle
#

im alive

valid axle
valid axle
#

its not as bad for now

#

still feel like shite tho

valid axle
#

today i am going to play lego batman 3

#

because i want to 100% all 3 of the lego batman games

#

and maybe play the new one in the future

valid axle
#

im plaiyng sledding game instead

#

because my friends asked me to get on

#

instead of asking during the 5 hrs i spent sitting in boredom

valid axle
valid axle
#

its basuically been the same all day

#

but ifeel better than yesterday

#

dont have a sore throat anymore

#

js a headache and blocked nose

valid axle
#

procradtination is insane guys

#

i was gonna shower like an hr ago

tight pier
#

Procrastination SUCKS

valid axle
#

spoilers for the mha manga but broo

SPOILER_image.png
#

IM VERY EXCITED FOR THIS

#

SOON I TELL YE

#

the first episode is already out

valid axle
#

i think i'm going to play elden ring when i get money again

#

which should be soon

valid axle
#

idk if i should be excited or nervous for tomorrow

#

i still don't have my uniform..

#

ordered like 2 weeks ago btw

#

my knife set i ordered this week so imma be waiting a bit on that

valid axle
#

FOR CATERING BTW

#

the knives are being used for good deeds

valid axle
#

today IS the day

#

i might need to ask some stuff tho

#

before i even leave

#

and i need to buy food otw

#

and make sure my trains not delayed

#

cs i wanna be there a bit early in advance

valid axle
#

i wonder if my uniform got sent to my college

#

and i'm just still waiting..

valid axle
#

i'm gonna head out inna sec

#

get dressed, go buy some food for today because i havent eaten much this week

#

ran outta groceries

#

but then i'll head to the station

#

toodles!!

valid axle
#

i am back

#

it went really well

valid axle
#

its so peak 🥹

valid axle
#

i need to find ppl to hang out with now cuz

#

i cant rlly wear my jewelery nd shit at college

#

because we can't wear it in the kitchen

#

for obvious reasons

#

bro i smell of burger sauce and its pissing me off

valid axle
#

me and spotify are so synced up

#

like

#

i have a playlist, 52 songs

#

i put it on shuffle thinking of a certain song from it

#

and i got that song

#

OUGHHHH

#

we are so in sync

#

I CAN STILL SMELL IT

#

BUGER SAUCE

tight pier
#

😭😭

valid axle
#

its good but js

#

not good after smelling it for 4 hrs straight

#

anyways work today

#

around 9am i was walked to the back of the kitchen

#

spent the whole hour microwaving panini bread (because they were frozen and just needed to be softened, not heated)

#

waited for them to cool down before putting ham or pepperoni

#

after that occupied the nuggets for a bit at the deep fryer

#

got a bit worried cuz they looked cooked already

#

someone took care of it tho and i went up to clean for abnout an hour

#

(there was a lot to clean but it was alright)

#

after that i went down and served some burgers before i got pulled out for 'not being quick enough'

#

dude u gotta realise

#

NOBODY was waiting for them burgers

#

there was NO rush

#

everyone was running around like they were under pressure and i was a bundle of joy SteamHappy

#

i was just getting pissed off about being told to not use my hands to make the burgers when the lady that replaced me doing the burgers was using her hands

#

after that uhhhhhhhhh

#

went on break for 20 mins, cleaned dishes again

#

cleaned tables

#

then i was let free

#

pretty sick

#

cut myself like 3 times but its ok

#

but i js dont like the ppl im working with rn

#

well some of them anyway

#

bit skeptical

#

they have a very short temper

#

while the other half are very calm and collected

#

i'd rather be calm in a loud and strict area

#

even if im being directly yelled at or blamed

#

id rather quietly accept it

tight pier
valid axle
#

ooga booga cheeseballs

#

ITS ON MY HANDS

#

THE BURGER SAUCE

#

GET IT OUTTTTTTT

valid axle
#

DAY 2

#

I CAN STILL SMELL IT

#

BUT I'M GOING TO GET READY TO LEAVE NOW

tight pier
#

You're a burger sauce now😭

valid axle
#

it's worn off now

#

I almost got locked in the big ass freezers

#

I felt my life flash before my eyes

#

but unlike horror movies you can open them from the inside

valid axle
#

I keep buying one way tickets and have to pay extra for a ticket back :(

#

someone's vaping and it keeps blowing in my face

#

I hate people who vape and smoke around me

valid axle
#

im so BORED

#

so bored its making me sad

#

sometimes i feel like i should make myself just likely radiohead

#

i only hate them because someone i despise yet couldn't stop loves radiohead

#

i really wanted to do something abt the girls he basically just lied to

#

he's a narcassistic racist, transphobic incel and i couldn't do a thing

#

i wat to forget him because it wa sso long ago

#

my girlfriend loves radiohead though

#

she said how she's going to a concert w her family soon

#

i wish i could have asked to come too but

#

even with her it feels like too much to ask

#

me js asking things from her feels like too much

#

so i just dont

#

i dont want things to go south i rlly dont

#

but sometimes i am just afraid of saing things to her as well

#

sometimes i feel greedy though

#

sometimes i tell myself i wish we did talk more but i'm the only person she would message even when she doesn't want to talk to anyone

#

so i deserve to just sit back and let my relationship happen

#

but just maybe if i were another person

#

anyone

#

i wouldnt have these problems that my head makes

#

i wish i could watch something for more than 3 episodes without getting bored

#

i wish i could just read for hours

#

i wish i said more in every conversation ive had with anyone

#

i wish i tried harder

#

i wish i actually felt like playing something

#

when i have hundreds of games in my posession

#

all in all i'm just an unhatched shell of what i could have been

#

because the way i used to be

#

i bet ppl did look at me and see a bright future

#

i don't even know fully if i'll survive my catering course let alone do something with it

#

i could have been something amazing

#

you don't get it

#

before i started secondary, i was happy to wake up every day to go to school

#

i was the happiest version of myself when i was 11

#

or however old

#

it just turned around so quickly

#

my school wasn't rushing or anything

#

i had a whole 4 years to wrap my head around subjects

#

did i pass a single one of them

#

i passed one

#

barely

#

i don't know if i care what people think of me i just hope they know i'm not a successful person

#

i don't want to bring high expectactions when i can't even see that in myself

#

there was a time when i was just happy

#

i'm sorry i couldn't keep that fire burning

#

i really really wish i could have but

#

i'm just not that same flesh bound pride and joy i used to be

#

i was careless, happy and free

#

now i feel so so trapped worrying about if i'll even have a future

#

i've lost more than i gained i feel

#

even if i gained more the losses are more damaging to me

#

i've lost my confidence, basically my voice

#

i've lost all the parts of me that made me want to be appreciated

#

and the moment when i lost those parts is when i realised i wanted that appreciation

#

so i tried once i lost it and i ended up wasting 4 years of my life

#

i spent that long trying to just trying to be in some spotlight when it was never bound to happen

#

i was never a troublesome person, i only got emails home because of homework

#

i just couldn't do homework when my procrastination started

#

i just could not do anything after that

#

i couldn't study, i would just spend nights playing games instead of even thinking of researching

#

some nighjts i'd try to pull all nighters just so i'd be too tired to go to school

#

even now that's still me

#

i tihnk iw ill write a poem

#

i js need to clear my head

valid axle
#

I did like 2 and a half lines

#

:(

#

I just don't know what to do

#

every time I change myself for someone I lose them

#

it's happened every time

#

I don't even know what to think

#

should I be happy or not

#

and if yes what about

#

it's just so much for ke

#

I want to do so many things people in real life relationships do

#

I want to go out and sit by a table and get q drink

#

I want to go on a picnic maybe too in spring

#

I want to go to a zoo together

#

I want to do so much with her

#

but I just don't have the money

#

I don't care if she's acrually rich or not I don't want her spending money on us

#

more so me

#

i already didn't want my friend to pay for our cinema tickets

#

I'm always so reassuring w her and patient because I'm so scared to lose another loved one

#

it's not all a fear thing I promise but

#

I think I would acc break inside if I did lose her

#

goodnight

valid axle
#

gm

#

last day of work experience

#

blew my nose out today and it was like as long as my hair

#

what the hell

valid axle
#

yeah it went well

#

the work experience not the nose blowing

#

they told me i need more confidence and initiative

#

but thats all

valid axle
#

remind me to talk about how work experience went

#

thank you

#

nighty

valid axle
#

oaky

#

i spent monday firstly by doing paninis, aka microwaving them just to soften them up before doing ham for half of them and pepperoni for the other half

#

with cheese too ofc

#

then uhhhh

#

i did washing up for about an hour, bit more

#

got called down to help with burgers

#

served like 3-4 people before i was getting yelled at

#

don't put the pincher there, don't use your hands, go find some gloves

#

pissed me the fuck off

#

because the lady who did the burgers after was doing it bare handed

#

it was so busy i couldn't hear the people who were ordering

#

then i washed up again and went home i think

#

i dont remmeber monday well

valid axle
# valid axle oaky

tuesday filled more paninis, did a lot of constant restocking because cola bottles and water sold out quickly

#

and i also cut up peppers and also cut up onions, cabbage and carrots into a bowl with mayo to make coleslaw

#

coleslaw is delish btw

#

if it wasn't obvious

image.png
#

it was not bad

valid axle
#

heated them all up, put 8 into each tray, filled each with cheese and their thing

#

then most my time from there was just restocking, bagging food like fries and nuggets etc

#

then after that i did more washing.

#

lots of washing

#

spent abt an hour washing maybe

#

but it was alright

#

it's a small workplace so it wasn't easy

#

would i do it again??

#

absolutely not no

#

i was told when i dont have classes i can come help

#

yea fuck that

valid axle
#

yea FFFFUCK that

valid axle
#

Never

valid axle
#

BEAUTIFUL

image.png
valid axle
#

anyways hello

#

games ok but a bit too difficult to me

#

so i'm picking up pretty slowly

#

i've been having so much paranoia about money because its to a point where my grandma is using my money to buy our groceries too

#

:(

valid axle
#

mood sometimes

valid axle
#

Hello

#

after like a week of crying mentally because idk what to play

#

i've found 3 games to play

#

elden ring, cookie run kingdom and roblox's fisch

#

all 3 games i like very much

#

only now am i getting asked to play other shit when i've found games to play

#

pmo

valid axle
#

yea fuck you guys MadPout

#

not you guys but

#

you guys ygm

#

like you you guys

#

not you guys

#

sorry

#

i'm so afraid of money i thought it was turning into a phobia

#

i'm so so afraid of money

#

i was making a big purchase today that'll help me long term and even so i'm double or triple checking if it'll actually save money

#

i don't care if i get called cheap i just want to survive atp

#

i like venting to my girlfriend but sometimes i do wish i'd get more than like 5 words

#

like i said she's working on it and i'm more than happy to wait

#

but i want some comfort at the very least which she is trying her best to give

#

and i know she's trying

#

i hope she knows that i know how hard she's trying

#

it's not their fault

#

they don't realise i'm not one to join

#

i don't like joining without being asked even in places where i do feel comfortable

#

i dont get how small things can put me into mood swings like this

#

told myself i'd finish my college work and study today

#

didn't.

#

i rlly dont know whati m gonna do with myself

valid axle
#

i cba to get up

#

i want to go shower but

#

my mental state is affecting my physically too

valid axle
#

i dont like moneys

#

all my worries are related to money

#

all my problems can be fixed wit moneys

#

yet i dont have moneys

valid axle
#

mood rn

valid axle
#

im not gonna be able to see my girlfriend for nearly a month :(

#

its alredy been a week and she has construction stuff for 2 weeks

#

so visiting her is gonna be like way too overstimulating

valid axle
#

this week just doesn't feel good

#

i've been awake for 20 minutes

#

and this is the first time i just don't want to go

#

i just wanna stay at home sadness

#

2 whole weeks without seeing my girlfriend..

tight pier
valid axle
#

you tell em

#

i think i'll take the day off because i don't wanna force myself to sit in a 2 hour break when i already feel miserable

#

i'll go in tuesday but today idk

#

i don't care if i miss out on a bit of work they'll help me do it whenever i'm in anyway

tight pier
#

If you really feel like taking a day off, go for it.

#

Sometimes you do need the break

valid axle
#

cant afford to take many days off but this'll be one

#

wtf ive already been up for nearly 6 hrs

#

these guys r so good

#

they also made this

#

both absolute BANGERS

valid axle
#

i get hella anxious when i see my girlfriend online on discord

#

when we're not playing

#

idk who she talks to on thjere

#

fuck

#

it's taking me back to my other friend who i wanted to ask to play with but didnt hagve the confidence to

#

and then got rlly jealous cs he played with somneone i hated

#

:(

#

even tho shes my partner i dont know why i hesitate so muhc to ask

#

like the thing is she's probably doing nothing wrong at all

#

she's definately doing nothing

#

the only times we play are when i ask her if she wants to play

#

the same for when i visit her

#

i dont know if she js doesnt wanna ask but

#

i feel like i'm the only one who wants myself there sometimes sad

#

why am i LIKE this :

#

i just hope she talks to me more i don't want to break up

#

please dont let it go downhill please please

#

idk how im supposed to say it to her

#

i just wish she would ask more

#

"do you wanna play or" "do you wanna come round next monday"

#

im sorry fynn i dont want to look like im complaining

#

i know things will get better but sad

#

fuck dud

#

my heartratwe is actually like so high rn

#

i can feel it again

#

top ten combos ever

image.png
#

i like imagining songs that would sound really ghood if i was laying in her arms listening to them

#

or just like

#

resting on a window on a rainy day

valid axle
#

i love my life

valid axle
#

sad again

#

sometimes i wonder what everyone i know would say about me if they were asked what they think of me without me knowing

valid axle
#

I knew something bad was coming

#

so we're nit together anymore

#

and I don't know if we'll br ever again

#

I don't really know what I'm supposed to think

#

should I be happy for her that she's doing what she thinks is best for her???

#

ot should I be miserable that the loml might be gone forever??

#

who do I even talk to???

#

she was lime the only person I could tlly talk to when something upset me as much as this did

#

I just don't knoe what to do feel think

#

FUCKKKK

#

all the times I could cry why can't it be noe

#

why can't I just flood my room in tears thus just once

#

llease

#

I've been there for so many people probably

#

I say probably because I don't even know if they could say I have been

#

but who's here for me now

#

I'm just back where I started in April

#

I've gone back to the fucking cycle

#

godsd if I was even one but ||suicidal|| i would not b here anymore

#

I promise I won't ever be but

#

fuck

#

I don't know what to do now

#

I can't miss college but I don't know if I can even sleep

#

will I even have the energy tomotrow morning??

#

I've gotta js force myself

#

how will I sleep when my brain is just gonna be flooding me with these horrible thoughts?

#

my one friend who I vent to a bunch js stopped replyng so I just feel so hopeless

#

I don't knoe

#

this always happens to me

#

just please

#

let me get a chance with her again

#

I DONT CARE IF ITS IN LIKE 5 YEARS

#

MAKE ME WAIT IT

valid axle
#

I messaged her friend if she thinks I have js a chance at least

#

I've been checking my hpone every 5 mins ever since

#

I js can't sleep

valid axle
#

i woke up and just prayed it was a bad dream

#

for the first time in a while last night i was staring into black for a whole hour

#

because it was keeping me up

valid axle
#

i'm so afraid

#

it'll be something bad

#

i'm so so afraid i can barely even touch my phone

tight pier
#

You'll be alright Air.

valid axle
#

nvm she hasn't even replied yet

#

idc if she doesn't reply all day i just want a reply at some point

#

i just need something

#

just any crack of hope

#

i'm thinking of taking one more day off

#

just one i promise

#

one more

#

then i'll go wednesday then all week next week

#

i just need to be told i have a chance

#

i feel fucking awful for it but i don't think i can go the whole day in college the way i am rn

#

i've had instagram open ever sincei woke up

#

i rlly dont know what im gonna do

valid axle
#

oh god i don't know what i'm gonna do with myself

#

i'm sorry i never became what i wanted to be

#

i know she left because she can't do a relationship and she feels she's hurting me

#

but i feel like it's my fault still

#

my

#

heart

#

it can't take this

#

my heart aches

#

i'd never thought an emotional could cause so much physical pain

tight pier
#

What's wrong bud??

valid axle
#

same as earlier

valid axle
#

my heart has been burning for hours on end

#

just please give me a miracle

valid axle
#

i got her a locket when i was on holiday

#

i got her a birthday card and a book about flowers

#

i gave my whole heart out and i'm now here

valid axle
#

i feel a part of myself fall apart last night

#

i've lost a part of myself that i don't know if i'll get back

valid axle
#

im trying rlly hard just to keep myself together

#

rn

#

the one thing i didn't want to happen ended up happening

#

there was literally 0 other things i was scared of

#

apart from her leaving

#

the beginning of the year was bad but i don't know if i'll ever recover from this

#

i rlly fucking mean it i wanted nothing more in my life than this relationship

#

i spent nights hoping one day i'll have what i had

#

and i promised i would do my best if i got that

#

i gained sm confidence and now i'm just back to zero

tight pier
#

Do you wanna talk bout it?

#

You can dm me if u want so

valid axle
#

i don't know what else i have to say rlly

tight pier
#

Mhmm

#

If you feel like then do feel free to do so

valid axle
#

i want to listen to more positive music just to kind of block out how i feel rn but i dont want to lose what i had with my whole relationship

#

even if we can try again i js pray

valid axle
#

I WANT TO BE A LOSER WHO RIDES A SKATEBOARD AT NIGHT

#

OORA OORA

valid axle
#

i got hella mad at a game and didnt wanna hit anything

#

so i js screamed into my pillow

#

throat sore as fuck now

#

but i was genuinely gonna have a meltdown

valid axle
#

i can't believe how happy i was a week ago

#

and now it's gone down to this

#

i'm alone again

#

i told her i feel better and i'm not as upset but i js dont want her to feel guilty

#

i can't even open up to anyone because i just dont feel comfortable

#

i dont know why

#

i think its just fear of being vulnerabl

valid axle
#

my heart is coming up again

#

i hope i get to sleep peacefully tonight

#

:(

valid axle
#

i have so many bad habits i hate myself

#

i've been procrastinating any and all forms of studying and because of that i feel like i'm forgetting everything i've learnt from at college so far

#

what happens when we have an exam and i'm just gonna be sat there because i don't know what to do :(

#

and i'm js so alone

#

i don't really heavily fw anyone from my college and i don't have any other way of making friends

#

the only time i ever hung out was when i visited my girlfriend but that's not gonna happen anymore :(

#

i have so many friends but i'm still so so alone

#

the only parties i get invited to are from this one popular guy but they all js smoke and drink

#

and every time i go i'm sat in a corner and not acknowledged by anyone apart from them

#

when they come and ask why i don't join everyone else or talk

#

i've lost so much this year

#

and one day i'm going to die

#

when i die i'm going to suffer so much

#

a very very painful death

#

do i really deserve that though after all the pain i've been put through

#

cuz i'm sorry i get too distracted to study and procrastinate 24/7

#

i took 2 days off this week but today just wont do.

#

nothing good has come out of my childhood i rlly can't think of anything :(

#

all i do now is js play games and talk to people

#

i wish i talked to people more though

#

like just hours of conversations

#

i dont remember how or why but in my last year of preschool i was so so lonely

#

i was friends with most of my class but we weren't "friends"

#

i have a memory clear as day though

#

i was sat in the school playground on my own

#

just sat there and someone came up to me and asked if i'm okay

#

i rlly want to get a diagnosis for stuff like adhd and autism i don't know what i have

#

but i just need something to tell me i need this help

#

maybe i should speak to my college's safeguarding team

#

i just need to tell someone there that i have learning difficulties and i don't know if it's something small or actually just adhd

#

my mental health has been like rock bottom this week

#

i need to just talk to someone

#

maybe even js talking to my friend when we take the train today

#

i should probably get changed soon

#

it's 7:32 and the train leaves in an hour from now

#

i have to walk all the way up

#

hey today wnt be that bad anyway

#

i finish really early

#

i resonate with these lyrics so much

#

i would throw it all away just for another chance

valid axle
#

I LOVE THAT VIDEO SO MUCH!!!

valid axle
#

ever since tuesday morning i've been in a cycle of doing something for 5 minutes and then doing something else

#

i just don't know why

#

i'm losing interest in so much stuff

#

i should talk about today

#

i saw my friend at the station as we went to college together

#

they talk rlly quiet so i dont like talking with them sometimes sadness

#

because i dont like saying huh huh huh huh

#

when we got off the station they ran into one of their friends and they walked in together nd i was just sat behind

#

i hate feeling left out i hated the whole walk

#

we had a theory lesson about hygiene today and then went into the kitchen

#

made some short breads but i got yelled at a lot because i was too slow

#

i always take the longest in my class because i zone out, forget something from 10 seconds ago and can't ask sometimes

#

i ask partner sometimes and he doesn't hear me

#

today i asked him the same question like 4 times

#

because he never heard me

#

my heart is hurting again

#

i didn't have the energy to talk much in college

#

every time i did i used up so much of my social battery

#

my heart aches more and more

#

just everything is going wrong now

#

it started as "i'm so glad she opened up about being afraid to ask, i will be reassuring" turned into "i'm not ready for a relationship"

#

in the same hour

#

i went from rainbows and sunshine to just this

#

i know it's not my fault we both know

#

it's nobody's "fault" because we aren't on bad terms and wont be

#

but i just can't find joy from anything rn

#

i dont want to spend the whole day on tiktok

#

but my brain just can't play a single game for 5 minutes

#

i join, do something and i'm like "ehh i dont feel like doing this rn"

#

even the games i spend hrs playing

valid axle
valid axle
#

wait look at him though

#

silly little guy

#

we ALL love rudo

#

WOW

#

he does that emoji whne i say silly

#

u know what that reminds me of

#

my favourite gmod clip ever

valid axle
#

i messaged her like 7 hrs ago

#

ive been opening insta like every hour

#

patiently waiting for a reply

valid axle
valid axle
#

i can't stoip

#

stop

#

i open a game and change my mind 2 mins later

#

:(

valid axle
#

im a bit lost rn but

#

slowly figuring it out

#

i'm gonna shower and then study i think

#

i need to study rlly badly

valid axle
#

pushed an hour

#

yeah this website sucks ass

#

just because i used an alternate way of figuring out a question it says im WRONG

#

IT GIVES THE SAME ANSWER

tight pier
valid axle
#

feeling like hating rn

#

feeling evil rn

#

next time hanz sends that cat eating corn

#

iw ont send one back

#

how evilllll

valid axle
#

when in doubt scroll pinterest

#

grahh i love gachiakuta

9fa91a05014abf94c3c55b3fd4612685.png
#

sick asf manga covers

valid axle
#

wow

#

i hate being bad at games

#

i hate it more when people make it known i'm bad at games

#

u know how miserable i was when my friends told me im too bad to play competitive with them on valorant

#

i can't get good at games because i js cant dedicate time to learn them

#

i lose interest so fast :(

#

i cant do anything

#

every game ive played im either early or mid game

#

nowhere near end

#

most the time i put them down because i lose interest

#

this is stressing me out sm

#

i can't find anything to play, i can't be bothered to watch anything, i can't find anywhere to read stuff online

#

i can't go out because i don't rlly have any friends to hangout with

#

i can barely even study

tight pier
#

😭😭😭

#

Yes that's pure evil😭😭

tight pier
valid axle
#

i think its sort of like an adhd trait

#

because i used to try and study and get distracted by something, discard the studying entirely and focus on the other thing

tight pier
#

It was mostly related to the things I've no interest for

#

Like in school, if I have to study for exams

#

It was very hard for me to sit at one place and do it

#

So I used to make a goal of 1 hr max

#

After a hour is done

#

I'll do smtg else as a break

#

Like play a game or smtg

#

Then get back to it

#

Is your distraction just limited to certain things or all the things overall?

#

Even the things you like

valid axle
#

it can be as little as js a notification

#

thas why yesterday i closed discord and put my phone on dnd

#

just to at least push an hour into studying

tight pier
#

Yes u should do that

#

It helps in a way

valid axle
#

i js had that one moment where u search a character you like for a show you're watching

#

and it says "___ death"

valid axle
#

i'm not gonna study today just because i want to give myself a break after trying so hard yesterday

#

but as i study more the breaks will get shorter

valid axle
#

wait what i said i was gonna shower at like 20 past

#

ITS 50 PAST

valid axle
valid axle
#

you killed it dhar mann!

valid axle
#

i need to study today

#

i don't feel like it but i rlly fucking need to

#

i'm so sick of always going 'i'm doing it later/tomorrow'

#

i promised i'd do it now

valid axle
#

i didn't

#

i'm so sorry

#

i promise i will tomorrow

#

i'll push myself harder to

next sable
#

hi

valid axle
#

hi

next sable
#

Hru

valid axle
#

evil and malicious

#

silly

#

silly

#

silly

#

silly

#

sdilly

#

silly

#

silly

#

i love this bot

next sable
#

.

valid axle
#

this took me 8 hours and 15 minutes to finish.

image.png
#

i was supposed to finish it in 7:30 but its alright

#

i'm now 5% done with the game

#

well 7% done with challenge mode

#

so happy i got that done

#

even tho im nowhere near done

#

i enjoyed it

#

so i will study later

#

so i at least feel good about doing something today

#

other than that

tight pier
#

YAYY

valid axle
#

this would have fried me a year ago

image.png
tight pier
#

I don't get this🥀💔

#

It's been 5 years since I even touched anything related to maths😭

valid axle
#

ts sucks

#

bro i

#

re did the same set of questions 3 times

#

asked chat gpt whjat it meant

#

looked at the site's flash cards and video

#

still dont understand a FUCKING thing

#

i have many weak spots in math but angles are the tip of the iceberg

#

i lost my temper and just turned it off

#

i can't focus on studying when it pisses me off that much

#

that i do what the question asks and still get it wrong

#

😞

tight pier
#

😭😭😭

valid axle
#

i rlly want a groan tube

#

and a dragon snake

#

groan tube first tho

#

yk that one that goes

#

ooooaaaaaa

#

aaaaooooo

valid axle
valid axle
#

me when im tryuing to WATCH SOMETHING and it PAUSES EVERY MINUTE

#

NOT PAUSE

#

JUST ISNT FRIGGIN LOADING

valid axle
#

I LOVE OTUKAAAA

#

TO HEAR YOU CALL MY NAME ID DO IT ALL AGAAAIIINNNN

#

TO FEEL YOUR WARMTH AND BODY ON MY SKINNNNNNNNN

#

new song

#

trying my best but I'm still fucking it upppp

#

you say it's poison and it's fucking my lungsssss

valid axle
#

my attendance has fallen a bit i cant afford anymore days off college sadness

#

the rain is rlly bad today

#

though

#

i dont know if i can :(

#

i dont know how to convince myself to go in

#

i will go in

valid axle
#

i failed to convince myself btw

valid axle
#

lovin the edits

valid axle
#

I WANT TO BE A LOSER WHO'S FAVOURITE POKEMON IS GOLISOPOD AND WHO'S FAVOURITE ANIME IS GACHIAKUTA AND WHO'S FAVOURITE HOBBY IS SKATEBOARDING AND WHO'S FAVOURITE ARTIST IS ROYAL BLOOD

valid axle
#

me rn

valid axle
#

I GENUINELY CANT STUDY

#

IM SO STUPID WAH

next sable
#

💔